Brian Fellow’s Safari Planet

01l: Britney Spears

Brian Fellow’s Safari Planet

Gabby Connors…..Britney Spears
Doc Ellis…..Dean Edwards

Jingle:
Interspecies friends, we ain’t kidding, mac, Brian Fellow’s Safari Planet, Brian Fellow’s Safari Planet…

[Brian Fellows is seen walking in place and pointing at cartoon animals]

Voiceover: Brian Fellow is not an accredited zoologist, nor does he hold an advanced degree in any of the environmental sciences. He is simply an enthusiastic young man with a sixth grade education and an abiding love for all of God’s creatures. Share his love, tonight on.. [ musical interlude ] BRIAN FELLOW’S SAFARI PLANET! (end music)

[ show Brian sitting alone looking at camera ]

Brian Fellow: Good evening and welcome to Brian Fellow’s Safari Planet! [Salutes] I’m Brian Fellow! Today we gonna be meeting some animals with big ears. [Whispers] I bet they can hear me whisper! I’m very excited to meet some new friends. So let’s get goin’! Our first guest has some very good eyesight cuz he eats carrots. Please welcome a bunny rabbit!

[Gabby Connors enters holding a small white rabbit]

Brian Fellow: And who are you?

Gabby Connors: I’m Gabby Connors, I work for the City ZooMobile in Santa Barbara.

Brian Fellow: Welcome, Barbara!

Gabby Connors: No, I’m Gabby..I’m from Santa Barbara!

Brian Fellow: I’m Brian Fellow!!!

Gabby Connors: Hi Brian, well today I’ve brought someone for you to meet… [ shows rabbit ] This is Riley..He’s one of our most popular animals on the zoo-mobile. He’s a three-year old short haired rabbit.

Brian Fellow: Why did you cut it’s hair so short?!

Gabby Connors: [ confused ] Um, actually I didn’t cut his hair, this particular rabbit has natural short hair…

Brian Fellow: Rabbits can’t cut they own hair! that’s CRAZY!!

Gabby Connors: [ smiling ] Of course rabbits can’t cut their own hair, no.

Brian Fellow: That’s what I said.

Gabby Connors: [ confused again ]- Well, You’re right, and even thought this rabbit’s coat is short, the coat is thick enough to keep him plenty warm in the winter nights.

Brian Fellow: I bet if he tried to cut his own hair, he might cut one of his ears off!

Gabby Connors: Well…I suppose so…But just like I said, this rabbit didn’t cut his own hair.

Brian Fellow: [ angered ]- Then why did you bring him here?! Get him out of here! [ Gabby leaves ] Next time, make sure he do what you say he do! [ to audience, still angered ] I’m very sorry about that, it’s inexcusable! Someone’s gonna lose they job over that! And I mean this! [ pauses, then smiles ] Our next guest has big ears too cause he likes to carry coffee beans and rocks…Please welcome a donkey! [ Doc Ellis enters pulling a donkey behind him on a rope ]

Doc Ellis: Hi, I’m Doc Ellis, from the Lancaster Children’s Petting Zoo.

Brian Fellow: I’m Brian Fellow!!

Doc Ellis: Hello Brian! I’d like you to meet Jessie.

Brian Fellow: I already have a friend named Jessie. He fixes my car.

Doc Ellis: [ confused ] That-That’s nice…

Brian Fellow: Does this donkey fix cars?

Doc Ellis: No, he doesn’t…

Brian Fellow: Then they probably aren’t related.

Doc Ellis: [ smiling ] Yeah, you know you’re probably right.

Brian Fellow: Did you see that haircut rabbit? With the short haircut?

Doc Ellis: Yeah I did.

Brian Fellow: That was CRAZY!

Doc Ellis: [ laughing ] It sure was, and although it might look like it, this donkey didn’t give himself a haircut.

Brian Fellow: I know that, I’m not stupid!

Doc Ellis: I- I was just kidding…

Brian Fellow: I’m Brian Fellow!!! Let me ask you a question. Is a donkey and a mule the same thing?

Doc Ellis: You know, thats a very good question..

[ Doc keeps rambling…his voice eventually fades out… A thought bubble appears above Brian’s head showing a rabbit cutting its own hair]

Brian Fellow: [ laughing ] He’s CRAZY!!

Doc Ellis: What? What are you talking about?

Brian Fellow: The haircut rabbit!!

Doc Ellis: What? [ confused ] What haircut rabbit?

Brian Fellow: Just think about it!

Doc Ellis: [ thinks about the rabbit cutting his hair, then laughs ] He is crazy, you’re right!

Brian Fellow: I’m Brian Fellow! And thats all the time we have for today! Join me next time when we meet a flying squirrel. That sounds CRAZY!! I’m Brian Fellow!!

[ music plays, fade to dark ]

Thanks to Blake Benham and Joe Cornfield for this transcript!

SNL Transcripts