Astronaut Jones


01l: Britney Spears

Astronaut Jones

Astronaut Jones…..Tracy Morgan
Female Alien…..Britney Spears

Astronaut Jones: This is Astronaut Jones. I’m on the planet Porpula. There seems to be no one around. Over. I’ll keep looking. Over. Maybe there’s.. danger.

I’m taking a rocket.
I’m packing my suitcase
Hey, look out, Moon!

Yeah, a rocket
into outer space.
Goodbye, human race
I’ll be there soon.

Blast off!
For fun and adventure.
There’s a fair adventure
collecting stones.

Yeah, it’s my way
on the ol’ space highway.
That’s why they all say
“There goes Astronaut Jones!”


Announcer: “Astronaut Jones”. Tonight’s episode: Episode 16, The Creature From Porpula.

Astronaut Jones: [ into walkie-talkie ] Hello, Earth? I think I hear someone coming. I’m going to make contact. Over and out, Earth. Bye.

Female Alien: Earthling, my name is Krugella..

Astronaut Jones: Uh-huh.

Female Alien: I’m the Queen of Perillians..

Astronaut Jones: Right.

Female Alien: A proud and peace-loving race..

Astronaut Jones: Right.

Female Alien: My people have been awaiting your arrival for some time now.

Astronaut Jones: Stay word.

Female Alien: We’re in desperate need of your help.

Astronaut Jones: Dig it.

Female Alien: The Galaxians have seized our cities and plundered our riches.

Astronaut Jones: What?

Female Alien: They will stop at nothing until our whole cizilization is..

Astronaut Jones: Mmm-hmm.

Female Alien: ..blotted from the universe.

Astronaut Jones: Say what.

Female Alien: You’re our only hope.

Astronaut Jones: Right.

Female Alien: You must help us..

Astronaut Jones: Dig.

Female Alien: ..or we will surely perish.

Astronaut Jones: Mmm-hmm.

Female Alien: What do you say?

Astronaut Jones: Right.

Female Alien: What do you say to that, Great One?

Astronaut Jones: Well, why don’t you drop out of that green jumpsuit and show me that phat ass!

I’m taking a rocket.
I’m packing my suitcase
Hey, look out, Moon!”

Announcer: “Astronaut Jones”, written by Tracy Morgan. Directed by Tracy Morgan. Hair and Make-up by Tracy Morgan. Produced by Tracy Morgan and Melvin Goldfarb. This has been a Morgan/Goldfarb Production.

Voice: You like?

Astronaut Jones V/O: You’re look’ up, money!

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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