HBO: First Look


01l: Britney Spears

HBO: First Look

Joanette…..Ana Gasteyer
Britanica…..Maya Rudolph
Dijonaise…..Britney Spears
Spuzz…..Will Ferrell
Brian Glazer…..Chris Kattan
Diane Warren…..Rachel Dratch


Announcer: Next, on HBO: Go behind the scenes with musical superstars Gemini’s Twin, in their highly-anticipated feature film debut: “Damn My Dixie’s On Fire.” Next, on HBO: First Look.

[ dissolve to Gemini’s Twin sitting on the set of their film ]

Joanette: Yo, yo, yo! Gemini’s Twin makin’ our first movie!

together: First movie, first movie! First movie!

Britanica: Yeah, well basically our reason for writin’ this movie is so we can be in it.

Joanette: Yeah.

Dijonaise: I thought the Civil War was a real historical time in our history.

Britanica; Mmm-hmm.

Joanette: Plus, we wanted to wear these big ol’ skirts! Know what I’m sayin’?

Dijonaise: Yeah.

Britanica: Yeah.

Joanette: Yeah, ‘cuz see, what we was tryin’ to do here was create a new groundbreakin’ genre – the hip-hop epic.

Britanica: Mmm-hmm. The hip-hop-a-pop.

Joanette: Yeah, it’s a new form.

[ dissolve to Spuzz ]

Announcer: Directed by their collaborator, choreographer and friend – Spuzz.

Spuzz: Yeah, I directed the Twins in four videos. Most recently, “Planet of Mens”. And, uh, when they axed me to do dem “My Dixie’s On Fire”, I was all, “Cool! Let’s twist the shizzy up and get all freaky-deaky.” And, uh.. I think you can really see that attitude in the bell tower scenes.

[ dissolve to the belfry scene in the movie, alone in the belfry ]

Dijoanise: Who dat is?

[ Joanette and Britanica enter the belfry ]

Britanica: Ooh. I didn’t expect nobody to be here.

Joanette: Ooh, what are you doin’ up here in dis bel-free?

Together: [ singing ] “I said! B to the E to the L to the F to the R to the Y! Belfry!”

Dijoanise: Just chillin’, what’chy’all doin’?

Joanette: Just chillin’.

Britanica: Chillin’. Mindin’ my own bidness.

Joanette: Yeah.

Dijoanise: Can y’all keep a secret?

Joanette: Mmm-hmm.

Dijonaise: War is hard.

Joanette: Mmm-hmm..

Britanica: Yeah! And it’s boring, too.

Joanette: I can’t wait until the war is over in 1865.

Dijonaise: Y’all I’m hungry! I could go for some chicken-fried steak and biscuits!

Britanica: Are you crazy! It’s wartime!

Joanette: You ain’t gonna git no biscuits!

[ dissolve to Brian Glazer, Producer ]

Brian Glazer: This is what producers do. We put things together. First of all, you’ve got the Civil War, which is awesome! Completely it’s own thing! And I go, “What else is hot?” Gemini’s Twin! Lot of heat, a lot of buzz, my daughter loves them. And you know what? The bet script my assisant has ever read!

[ dissolve to Gemini’s Twin giving an interview on their set ]

Joanette: Okay, like, my character, she a Quaker. We call her Lil’ Q. Mmm-hmm. But what’s complex about her is that she has a eating disorder.

Britanica: Yeah. And I play a nurse who goes crazy, and eventually loses her mind.

Dijonaise: I play a runaway slave whose name is Ungawa.

Britanica: Yeah. ‘Cuz I wasn’t gonna do that.

Dijonaise: No, and the cool thing about her is that, by a certain part of the movie, she turns deaf.

Britanica: Yeah.

Joanette: Mmm-hmm. But, luckily, she can still hear.

Britanica: Yeah. So she does Sign Language, ‘cuz it look good.

Dijonaise: Look, y’all, I can play a rainbow. [ signs for “rainbow” ]

Together: [ singing ] “Rain-bowwwwwww!”

Dijonaise: Ungawa!

[ dissolve to Diane Warren, Songwriter ]

Diane Warren: I had written “I Don’t Want To Miss A Thing” from “Armageddon”, and “For You I Will” from “Space Jam”, and “Get Under the Table, Quick!” from “Twister”. Um.. so, when Brian approached me to work on the music from “Damn, My Dixie”, it was a no-brainer. I mean, to have the opportunity to work with such powerhouses as Gemini’s Twin. I immediately dashed to my drum machine and whipped out “Dance Nation Proclamation”.

[ dissolve to another scene from “Damn, My Dixie’s On Fire”, Ungawa doing sign language ]

Joanette: What is that deaf girl doin’ with her hands?

Britanica: Girl, I think she’s saying her man is cheatin’ on her!

Joanette: Oohh.. and you know what I say when there’s cheatin’.

Dijonaise: Frankly, my girl..

Together: ..we don’t give a damn!!

[ they drop their big skirts and break into dance moves ]

Joanette: [ singing ]
“You bin throwin’ orders like you were some boss
Now you ain’t gettin’ none of this barbecue sauce!”

Britanica:
“You bin actin’ all cruel, you bin mean
So you’d better keep your corn out of my baked beans!”

Dijoanise:
“Puttin’ on your cheese like you was a yuppie
Boy, you better watch out, I’m gonna kick you in the..”

Together: “Hush puppies!

Yeah!

“You bin actin’ like a jerk, what in tarnation
My daddy’s gonna throw your butt off of this plantation!

Goin’ down south-south-south-south
Goin’ down south-south-south-south
Goin’ down south-south-south-south
Goin’ down south-south-south-south..”

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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