Drunk Girl
…..Seth Meyers
Drunk Girl…..Jeff Richards
Friend…..The Rock
[scene opens on Drunk Girl laying on ground. tech. guy helps her up. Seth Meyers enters]
Seth Meyers: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Drunk Girl, are you okay?
Drunk Girl: What? What?
Seth Meyers: Whoa! Whoa! Hang on there, Drunk Girl.
Drunk Girl: Who are you? [gasp] Did we just do it?
Seth Meyers: No, no we didn’t.
Drunk Girl: What? You don’t think I’m pretty enough? You’re not all that.
Seth Meyers: Uh, yeah. How did you get in here?
Drunk Girl: Someone popular. I know people, and I know how to work it. [laughs coyingly]
Seth Meyers: Seriously, how did you get in here?
Drunk Girl: Tracy Morgan.
Seth Meyers: Yeah. It figures. Here, let me, uh, let me call you a cab.
Drunk Girl: [sings] I’m like a bird. I wanna fly away…
Seth Meyers: Shh. You have to be quiet, there’s a show going on.
Drunk Girl: [sings quietly] I don’t know where my soul is..
Seth Meyers: Okay. Um, is there anybody I can call? Like, someone to get you a cab to get home?
Drunk Girl: [laughing] I came with my friend. She’s a rock st-
[Drunk Girl’s friend runs on set]
Friend: Oh my God! I was looking for you! Oh my God, oh my God. I was looking for you everywhere!
Seth Meyers: Uh, that’s great. Uh, now you two guys gotta leave.
Drunk Girl: Be nice to her. [starts to cry] She’s my very best friend.
Friend: [crying] No, you’re my best friend! [they both cry & Seth Meyers is stuck in the middle] I love you better than chocolate!
Drunk Girl: I love you better than chocolate!
Seth Meyers: Okay. I can’t breathe here. Can’t breathe. Not breathing.
[Drunk Girl and Friend let go of each other. & Friend fixes her boobs. they start to touch Seth Meyers & laugh]
Friend: Hey, can I have your autograph?
Seth Meyers: Yeah, um, sure.
Friend: I want it on my boobie.
Seth Meyers: Yeah, uh, great. Uh, what’s your name?
Friend: My name is Pamm. The “m” is extra “m” for awesome!
[Seth Meyers gives her an autograph. & they begin to laugh]
Seth Meyers: Okay, uh, Pamm. Now, seriously you two gotta get outta here.
Drunk Girl: Do you want to know what your problem is?
Friend: Si!
Seth Meyers: No. Not really.
Drunk Girl: Do you wanna know what it is?
Friend: Si!
Seth Meyers: No.
Drunk Girl: Do you wanna knowwhatis?
Friend: Si!
Seth Meyers: No.
Drunk Girl: Do you wannaknowwhaitis?
Friend: Si!
Seth Meyers: No.
Drunk Girl: Do you wannaknow whaits?
Friend: Si!
Seth Meyers: No.
Drunk Girl: [singing] You’re like a bird, you wanna fly away!!
[Drunk Girl & Friend laugh]
Seth Meyers: Oh my gosh! Ladies, look over there! It’s that cameraman from the Girls Gone Wild tapes!
Drunk Girl: What?! Oh my God!
[Drunk Girl & Friend run off set with shirts up]
[Seth Meyers exits]
[fade]
Thanks to Malia P. for this transcript!