Drunk Girl


01q: The Rock / Andrew W.K.

Drunk Girl

…..Seth Meyers
Drunk Girl…..Jeff Richards
Friend…..The Rock

[scene opens on Drunk Girl laying on ground. tech. guy helps her up. Seth Meyers enters]

Seth Meyers: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Drunk Girl, are you okay?

Drunk Girl: What? What?

Seth Meyers: Whoa! Whoa! Hang on there, Drunk Girl.

Drunk Girl: Who are you? [gasp] Did we just do it?

Seth Meyers: No, no we didn’t.

Drunk Girl: What? You don’t think I’m pretty enough? You’re not all that.

Seth Meyers: Uh, yeah. How did you get in here?

Drunk Girl: Someone popular. I know people, and I know how to work it. [laughs coyingly]

Seth Meyers: Seriously, how did you get in here?

Drunk Girl: Tracy Morgan.

Seth Meyers: Yeah. It figures. Here, let me, uh, let me call you a cab.

Drunk Girl: [sings] I’m like a bird. I wanna fly away…

Seth Meyers: Shh. You have to be quiet, there’s a show going on.

Drunk Girl: [sings quietly] I don’t know where my soul is..

Seth Meyers: Okay. Um, is there anybody I can call? Like, someone to get you a cab to get home?

Drunk Girl: [laughing] I came with my friend. She’s a rock st-

[Drunk Girl’s friend runs on set]

Friend: Oh my God! I was looking for you! Oh my God, oh my God. I was looking for you everywhere!

Seth Meyers: Uh, that’s great. Uh, now you two guys gotta leave.

Drunk Girl: Be nice to her. [starts to cry] She’s my very best friend.

Friend: [crying] No, you’re my best friend! [they both cry & Seth Meyers is stuck in the middle] I love you better than chocolate!

Drunk Girl: I love you better than chocolate!

Seth Meyers: Okay. I can’t breathe here. Can’t breathe. Not breathing.

[Drunk Girl and Friend let go of each other. & Friend fixes her boobs. they start to touch Seth Meyers & laugh]

Friend: Hey, can I have your autograph?

Seth Meyers: Yeah, um, sure.

Friend: I want it on my boobie.

Seth Meyers: Yeah, uh, great. Uh, what’s your name?

Friend: My name is Pamm. The “m” is extra “m” for awesome!

[Seth Meyers gives her an autograph. & they begin to laugh]

Seth Meyers: Okay, uh, Pamm. Now, seriously you two gotta get outta here.

Drunk Girl: Do you want to know what your problem is?

Friend: Si!

Seth Meyers: No. Not really.

Drunk Girl: Do you wanna know what it is?

Friend: Si!

Seth Meyers: No.

Drunk Girl: Do you wanna knowwhatis?

Friend: Si!

Seth Meyers: No.

Drunk Girl: Do you wannaknowwhaitis?

Friend: Si!

Seth Meyers: No.

Drunk Girl: Do you wannaknow whaits?

Friend: Si!

Seth Meyers: No.

Drunk Girl: [singing] You’re like a bird, you wanna fly away!!

[Drunk Girl & Friend laugh]

Seth Meyers: Oh my gosh! Ladies, look over there! It’s that cameraman from the Girls Gone Wild tapes!

Drunk Girl: What?! Oh my God!

[Drunk Girl & Friend run off set with shirts up] [Seth Meyers exits] [fade]

Thanks to Malia P. for this transcript!

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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