Brian Fellow’s Safari Planet


01q: The Rock / Andrew W.K.

Brian Fellow’s Safari Planet

Brian Fellow…..Tracy Morgan
Bill Callahan…..Jimmy Fallon
Denny McClain……The Rock

[ start music, show Brian standing, pacing in place, pointing to cartoon animals ]

Voiceover: Brian Fellow is not an accredited zoologist, nor does he hold an advanced degree in any of the environmental sciences. He is simply an enthusiastic young man with a sixth grade education and an abiding love for all of God’s creatures. Share his love, tonight on.. [ musical interlude ] BRIAN FELLOW’S SAFARI PLANET! (end music)

[ show Brian sitting alone looking at camera ]

Brian Fellow: Good evening, and welcome to Brian Fellow’s Safari Planet! I’m Brian Fellow! Tonight we are gonna meet some animals that are exciting and enjoy a good time. So let’s get going! Our first guest enjoys singing and being in a cage. Please welcome a parrot!!

(Bill Callahan enters with a parrot in a cage.)

Brian Fellow: And who are you?

Bill Callahan: Well I’m Bill Callahan from the Wagner Lab of Ornithology in Newport.

Brian Fellow: The what?

Bill Callahan: The….Wagner Lab of Ornithology in Newport.

Brian Fellow: Is that in Newport?

Bill Callahan: (obviously confused) Yes. Yes it is.

Brian Fellow: I’m Brian Fellow!

Bill Callahan: Brian, I’d like you to meet a friend of mine. He’s an Amazon Yellow Nape that goes by the name of Baily. What do ya’ say, Baily?

Parrot: Hello!

Brian Fellow: That bird just talked!

Bill Callahan: That’s right, the parrot is able to mimic human speech patterns.

Brian Fellow: That’s crazy!

Parrot: Hello!

Brian Fellow: He just did it again!

Bill Callahan: You know, Baily and I are big fans of the show, and we worked up a special treat for you. Would you like to see it?

Brian Fellow: Would I?

Bill Callahan: (not knowing how to respond)…..Hey pretty bird, hey pretty bird! Who are you?

Parrot: I’m Brian Fellow!

Brian Fellow: (upset) That bird is a liar!

Parrot: I’m Brian Fellow!

Brian Fellow: He’s startin’ to make me mad! He better shut up!

Parrot: I’m Brian Fellow!

Brian Fellow: NO YOU’RE NOT!

Bill Callahan: Hey, I’m- I’m sorry, I taught him how to say that, I thought you would like it.

Brian Fellow: He’s an imposter, cause I’M Brian Fellow!

Parrot: I’M Brian Fellow!

Brian Fellow: That’s it, take him away! This is my show! That bird is not funny, and I better not see him again! (To camera) Hopefully we will fix this in editing! (He then makes a weird hand motion which receives much laughter from the audience.) Our next guest eats crickets and can be seen in a horror movie. Please welcome a tarantula!

(The Rock walks in with a tarantula in a cage)

Brian Fellow: And who are you?

Denny McClain: I’m Denny McClain and I’m from the Exotic Animals Exhibit at the Detroit Zoo.

Brian Fellow: I’m Brian Fellow!

Denny McClain: Oh, howdy Brian. I want you to meet a friend of mine. This is Quinton.

Brian Fellow: That’s one fuzzy bug.

Denny McClain: Well actually he’s an adult Brown Desert tarantula.

Brian Fellow: If I had a bug like that, I’d make a coat out of him!

Denny McClain: (confused) Actually, that wouldn’t be a good idea, because his tiny hairs are irritant to human skin.

Brian Fellow: Did you see that loud mouth bird?

(Denny nods his head)

Brian Fellow: I don’t know what he told you, but he is NOT Brian Fellow!

Denny McClain: Um, I di-didn’t talk to the bird.

Brian Fellow: No matter what he says, he is not my doppleganger!

Denny McClain: Wh-What’s a doppleganger?

Brian Fellow: I’m Brian Fellow!

Denny McClain: Yes, and I’m Denny, and we’re here talking about my tarantula, Quinton.

Brian Fellow: Now I understand that in order to grow, a spider must molt. Tell us about that.

Denny McClain: Thats right. That’s right Brian, like a snake a spider has to shed its skin to grow larger. Now what happens-

(The “loud mouth parrot” is seen above Brian Fellow’s head in a thought bubble talking on a phone)

Parrot: I want a new stereo with a tape player and really big speakers sent to my birdhouse! And send me the bill! I’m Brian Fellow!

Brian Fellow: Hang up that phone!

Denny McClain: Sc-Scuse me?

Brian Fellow: That bird was tryin’ to buy a stereo with my credit card!

Denny McClain: Um, of course he is. Uh, now-now as I was saying, during the molting process the tarantula is extremely vulnerable to prey.

Brian Fellow: That bird better PRAY he don’t screw up my credit!

Denny McClain: What are you talking about?

Brian Fellow: I’m just gonna go get a BB gun and shoot that bird’s eyes out!

Denny McClain: L-L-Look I don’t think you have to worry about that bird impersonating you.

Brian Fellow: Really?

Denny McClain: Yeah, really.

Brian Fellow: I guess you’re right.

(The bird appears above his head again)

Parrot: Hello, QVC? This is Brian Fellow. I want to buy a birdcage with bars made of solid gold! My credit card number is five four eight four-

Brian Fellow: Stop it!!

Denny McClain: Now what?

Brian Fellow: You don’t know anything about birds, mister!…..Well we’re out of time. I want to thank that fuzzy bug for coming by but not the bird! Join me next week when we will meet a pot-bellied pig. That sounds crazy! I’m Brian Fellow!

Parrot: (in background) I’m Brian Fellow!

Brian Fellow: I’m gonna kill that motha-(and he leaves the set)

Thanks to Justin Chilinski for this transcript!

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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