TV Funhouse

01s: Kirsten Dunst / Eminem

TV Funhouse

Vocie of Bambi…..Amy Poehler
Voice of Thumper…..David Spade
…..Jared Fogel

Announcer: The beloved Disney classic is going away.

[ stock footage of Bambi’s mom being shot ]

Announcer: Walt Disney’s “Bambi” is going into the Disney vault for ten years, depriving your child or future children of this significant emotional milestone.

[ stock footage of Bambi’s mom being shot ]

Announcer: After May 27th, “Bambi” will be taken out of stores, placed in a security box, and frozen next to Walt Disney’s head. But there’s more news!

Announcer: On the heels of “Peter Pan: Return To Never Never Land”, “Cinderella II”, “Lady & The Tramp II”, and “Pokahotass”, Disney presents.. “Bambi 2002”.

[ footage shows Bambi talking to bandage-wrapped Mom ]

Bambi: Mother! You’re okay!

Bambi’s Mother: [ chuckling ] It’s just a leg wound, Son.

[ Bambi dodges hunter’s bullet a la “The Matrix” ]

Announcer: Bambi and the gang are back in business, and the forest has never been more fun.

Bambi: [ rapping ]“I’m rappin’ Bambi
I’m here to say
I’m the breakfast of the forest every day!
I’ve got Flower, and Thumper
by my side
And I know how to kick!”

[ show Bambi and friends kicking on Osama bin Laden ]

Announcer: With high-powered Disney action!

Forest Animals: USA!! USA!! USA!!

Announcer: And all new hilarious Disney outtakes.

Bambi: We’ve got to find Thumper in the brair patch.. briar patch! Oh f–k this bulls–t!

Announcer: With David Spade as the sassy new Thumper!

Thumper: Yeah-ha-ha! Spin Thumper, and we’ll see! [ jumps into hole ]

Announcer: And Jared from the subway ads!

[ Jared and a bird hold out his fat pants in front of Bambi ]

Jared: Bambi, if I can lose weight.. you can get those terrorists!

[ show Bambi superimposed over a Yankees game ]

Announcer: Plus, the New York Yankees!

Bambi: Good work, guys! Let’s go!

[ show Bambi superimposed over a Miss Cleo commercial ]

Announcer: Walt Disney’s “Bambi 2002”! Rushed out in time for summer, with all the excitement you could ask for from the Disney sequel and the Disney animators, under the circumstances.

[ show Bambi cartoon image with human lip cutout speaking ]

Bambi: Boy, oh boy! Who’s gonna protect the forest from all these weapons!

Announcer: It’s all the Bambi you’ll get for ten years! “Bambi 2002”!

[ show Bambi’s Mom being handled by masseuse ]

Bambi: Come on, Mom! Do your exercises!

Announcer: Available on Disney DVD for only 48 hours – then all master tapes, cels and drawings will be destroyed, as if it never happened. Get it.

[ show Bambi superimposed in scene from “Shrek” ]

Bambi: Quit sulking, Shrek! Get ogre it!

[ fade ]

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