Rehearsal Scene


01s: Kirsten Dunst / Eminem

Rehearsal Scene

Actress…..Maya Rudolph
Actor…..Chris Kattan
Mike, the Director…..Chris Parnell
Casey, the Assistant…..Seth Meyers
Male Extra…..Will Ferrell
Female Extra #1…..Amy Poehler
Female Extra #2…..Kirsten Dunst

[ open on dramatic scene at a restaurant ]

Actress: Listen Doug…thanks for meeting me here.

Actor: No problem. I’ve missed you.

Actress: I know the last month has been hard…I just– I wish I could have been there when your mother died.

Actor: You were there. [puts hand over heart] You were here.

Actress: Doug…I’m pregnant.

[ Mike walks in, lights come up ]

Mike: And cut, on rehearsal. Great guys, did that feel good?

Actor: Oh yeah.

Actress: Yea, that was good.

Mike: Alright, let’s shoot this! Uh, Casey, you wanna go ahead and bring in the background?

Casey: Ok, background please fill in! [ extras walk in ] Folks, we’re pretty wide here – so just remember you’re in the shot! You are in a bar, there’s drinking, talking, etc.

Mike: Quiet please! [ to actors ] And whenever you’re ready. [ actors nod that they’re ready, director steps back ] Action!

[ Lights dim, scene begins again ]

Actress: Listen Doug… [ extras in the background begin “talking” exageratingly with hand movements, etc ] thanks for meeting me here.

Actor: No problem. I’ve missed you.

[ male extra wildly describes something crazy with his hands, female extra mimes that something is taking a long time, male extra nods heavily in agreement ]

Actress: I know the last month has been hard… [ extras share a long laugh, then make talking motions with their hands ] …I wish I could have been there when your mother died.

[ male extra mimics driving, female extra continues talking motions with her hands ]

Actor: You were there. [ female extra flips her fingers over her eyes, male extra points and laughs ] You were here.

[ both extras turn and intently watch the rest of the scene unfold ]

Actress: Doug…I’m pregnant.

Mike: and…cut! [ lights go up ] That was great. Background players, specifically you two…a lot of arm movements in this scene. We just need you to be talking in a bar…ok?

Female Extra #1: Ok.

Male Extra: Alright!

FeMale Extra: Thank you.

Male Extra: Thanks Mike!

Female Extra #1: I can feel that.

Male Extra: I felt it.

Female Extra #1: Thank you!

Casey: Back to one, everybody!

Mike: Quiet please. [to extras] subtle. [lights dim] action.

Actress: Listen Doug… [ female extra waves to offstage, second female extra runs on, male waves as well ] …thanks for meeting me here.

[ second female extra holds up glasses to male extra, waving them around vigorously. ]

Actor: No problem. [ male and second female extra exchange high-fives ] I’ve missed you.

[ first female extra picks up a glass and mimes drinking from it, male extra offers a glass to the second female extra, she begins drinking as well. male extra hold out his hands to first female extra, who mimes pouring water on them ]

Actress: I know the last month has been hard…[ male extra splashes imaginary water on his face ] I just– I wish I could have been there when your mother died.

[ male extra puts cups up to his head, first female extra continues drinking, second female extra mimes smoking a cigarette ]

Actor: You were there. [ all extras turn to watch again ] You were here.

Actress: Doug…I’m pregnant.

Extras: [ surprised ] OHHHHH!

[ Actors break character, looking confused, lights go up ]

Actress: I’m sorry…it’s just– they’re really loud.

Actor: You guys are really distracting! I dont understand —

Mike: [walking in] Cut!

Female Extra #1: Mike, I’m sorry! I —

Male Extra: …um, we thought we should bring in a real friend…

Female Extra #2: [waves] Hi!

Male Extra: That’s what we thought…we worked out this thing that I had left my glasses at her place…

Female Extra #2: Yeah, were they in the shot? [ waves around glasses ] Did they read?

Male Extra: Did you see the glasses?

Mike: [ to Casey ] Ok, get them out of here.

Casey: Ok guys…alright guys, come with me…we’re just going to have you cross through the background.

Male Extra: That’s ok with us, Mike.

Female Extra #1: We’ll get there! We’re feeling set!

Male Extra: Bear with us.

Female Extra #2: Nice call, nice call. Yeah.

Mike: [ to actors ] Alright, just take a deep breath. Ok? [angrily, to extras] you are just crossing.

Male Extra: Thanks, Mike.

Mike: [ stressed ] Action.

[ lights dim again ]

Actress: Listen Doug… [ female extra #2 wanders behind the table with a beer bottle, miming drinking ] …thanks for meeting me here.

[ female extra #1 walks across shaking her arms together in an exagerated “congratulations” manner ]

Actor: No problem. [ actor glances up as male extra comes in, obnoxiously talking on a cell phone ] I’ve missed you.

[ all three extras come back on and hover over the table, each doing their respective parts ]

Actress: I know the last month has been hard… [ Male and female extra #1 share the cell phone directly next to the actor’s head, female extra #2 continues drinking near actress ] I just– I wish I could have been there when your mother died.

[ both actors show signs of annoyance ]

Actor: [ struggling ] You were there. [ extras again watch camera intently ] You were here.

Actress: Doug…I’m…. [ female extra #2 mouths the word “pregnant” ]

Female Extra #1: [ whispering to actress ] You’re pregnant.

[ actors look confused ]

Extras: Cuuuut…?

Mike: [ angry ] Don’t CUT!

[ lights go back on ]

Casey: Background! Background out of the frame!

Female Extra #1: [ pointing ] Mike…Mike I’m sorry, but she blew her line!

Actress: um…I was just pausing for dramatic effect!

Female Extra #1: Mike should I jump in? Should we switch?

Mike: No! You are fired!

Female Extra #2: [ mimicking with beer bottle ] Did you notice I was playing drunk?

Male Extra: She was playing drunk.

Female Extra #2: Yeah, ’cause I have to match that in my closeup…

Female Extra #1: Yeah.

Mike: No, get out of here! I never want to see you again! Ok? [ sighing, to actors ] Just…keep it going. Stay focused, we’re still rolling…

Actor: Are you ok?

Actress: Yeah, I’m ok.

[ lights dim ]

Actress: Listen Doug…[ extras appear directly in front of camera, cutting off the view behind them ] thanks for meeting me here…

[ extras make faces in front of the camera, actors behind them wonder what is happenning ]

Mike: CUT! [ lights go up ] Are you DEAF? Get out of here! NOW!

Female Extra #1: Ok, thanks everybody, that’s a wrap!

Male Extra: Thank you Mike, I think we’ve got it!

Female Extra #2: It’s so hard to leave after you’ve become a family!

Mike: Get OFF the set!

Female Extra #2: [ to actors ] I love you guys!

Female Extra #1: Mike…Mike, I don’t usually do nudity, but if it serves the story — which in this case, i think it does — [ begins taking off shirt ]

Male Extra: This is a closed set! [ also begins taking off shirt ] Lock it up!

Mike: Just get OUT of here people!

[ fade ]

Thanks to Nick O. for this transcript!

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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