Carter in Cuba


01t: Winona Ryder / Moby

Carter in Cuba

Jimmy Carter…..Darrell Hammond
Fidel Castro…..Will Ferrell
Translator…..Maya Rudolph

Announcer: Next on C-SPAN, the Senate Agriculture Committee holds hearings on dairy price supports, or dairy subsidies, or something involving dairies. While at 2:40 a.m., Fed Chairman Alan Greenspan testifies before Congress about interest rates, and stuff like that. But first, this week, Former President Jimmy Carter made a historic visit to Cuba. Our C-SPAN cameras were there as he met with Cuban leader Fidel Castro.

Fidel Castro: (speaking Spanish the whole time, voice of Translator) On behalf of myself and the Cuban people, I welcome you to my country.

Jimmy Carter: Thank you. As the first U.S. President to come to Cuba since the Revolution, I hope my visit, and especially our joint address to the Cuban people can help open a dialogue between our two nations.

Fidel Castro: Forgive me, but I was trying to remember earlier: When exactly were you president?

Jimmy Carter: From 1977 to 1981.

Fidel Castro: Oh, when they took the hostages in Iran?

Jimmy Carter: Yes, that’s right.

Fidel Castro: And when you had the oil shortage?

Jimmy Carter: Yes.

Fidel Castro: With the rationing and the long lines for gasoline?

Jimmy Carter: Yes.

Fidel Castro: We have that here, too.

Jimmy Carter: Uh, huh.

Fidel Castro: People hate it.

Jimmy Carter: Yes, yes they do.

Fidel Castro: Remember stagflation?

Jimmy Carter: Yes, yes, sure.

Fidel Castro: Isn’t that what you are best known for, stagflation?

Jimmy Carter: Yes, I get that a lot. Now in tomorrow’s address…..

Fidel Castro: You never hear that word anymore, stagflation. What exactly is stagflation?

Jimmy Carter: Well, stagflation is a thankfully rare economic condition, characterized by stagnant or declining growth, extremely high interest rates, and runaway inflation.

Fidel Castro: Wow! Even we have never had stagflation.

Jimmy Carter: Well, fortunately it hasn’t hit the U.S. since, well….since the late 1970’s.

Fidel Castro: Weren’t you also attacked by a rabbit?

Jimmy Carter: Yes, yes I was. But, if you don’t mind, I’m anxious to talk about tomorrow’s speech.

Fidel Castro: How does someone get attacked by a rabbit?

Jimmy Carter: Well…

Fidel Castro: I can see being attacked by a dog, or a fox, or a hedgehog, a chicken can become quite angry, even a wired beak. But a rabbit! That’s crazy!

Jimmy Carter: It is quite rare.

Fidel Castro: Attacked by a rabbit! Wow! You couldn’t catch a break, could you?

Jimmy Carter: No, not too often.

Fidel Castro: Anyway, let’s talk about our televised address to the Cuban people.

Jimmy Carter: Yes, please, let’s do it.

Fidel Castro: It’s a live broadcast. I go on first, _________ and I will speak for about four and a half hours. Next, Elian Gonzalez will recite a poem denouncing his Miami relatives, which will run about 90 minutes. Followed by some….______. Then comes your speech, about five to seven minutes, then more ________. Then I wrap things up with about three hours of closing remarks.

Jimmy Carter: Alright, now, in my speech, I intend to bring up the issue of human rights in Cuba.

Fidel Castro: That’s alright. There are only five TV stations in the whole country. And two of them don’t have sound. So, go ahead and knock yourself out.

Jimmy Carter: Well, thank you. That all sounds good now, but if you’ll all excuse me, I should really go get some sleep.

Fidel Castro: You’re right. Tomorrow is an important day. So, good night, Jimmy. But first, I leave you with one thought: “Live, from New York, it’s Saturday Night!

Thanks to Elizabeth C. for this transcript!

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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