SNL Transcripts: Sarah Michelle Gellar: 10/12/02

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 28: Episode 2

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Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:


October 12th, 2002

Sarah Michelle Gellar

Faith Hill


Jim Downey
A Message From the President of the United StatesSummary: President Bush (Chris Parnell) warns Saddam Hussein of his intentions.

Recurring Characters: President George W. Bush, Dick Cheney.


MontageNote: Sen. John McCain was booked to host this week’s episode, but had to postpone it for a week because of a scheduling conflict.

Sarah Michelle Gellar’s MonologueSummary: A vampire (Chris Kattan) in the audience is unappreciative of Sarah Michelle Gellar’s snide “Buffy the Vampire slayer” reference.


Swiffer SleepersSummary: Kids can help keep the house clean with specially-designed dustcloth pajamas.


The Be Safe GangSummary: Policeman (Fred Armisen) advises kids to use their bodies to protect themselves.


Musical DentistSummary: Dr. Kaplan (Chris Kattan) dreams of his hygienist (Sarah Michelle Gellar) while operating.


Trans American AirlinesSummary: Unlike other airlines, Trans America guarantees racial profiling.


Corona ISummary: A drunk guy (Jimmy Fallon) vacationing on the beach accidentally tosses a beer bottle instead of his buzzing cellphone.


Saddam Hussein BriefingSummary: Saddam Hussein (Darrell Hammond) outlines his strategy with his cabinet, then introduces his secret doubles (Chris Kattan, Horatio Sanz).

Recurring Characters: Saddam Hussein.


Corona IISummary: A drunk guy (Jimmy Fallon) vacationing on the beach once again accidentally tosses a beer bottle instead of his buzzing cellphone.


Faith Hill performs “Cry”

Weekend Update with Jimmy Fallon & Tina FeySummary: Steven, the annoying Dell kid (Seth Meyers), comments on teen depression. Tina Fey supports the downfall of the Jewish Federation of Greater Seattle. Ripple (Maya Rudolph) & Delorian Ramada (Sarah Michelle Gellar) are unglamorous jet-setters in the Hilton mold.


Making the VideoSummary: Christina Aguilera (Sarah Michelle Gellar) documents the making of her new trashy video.

Note: Christina Aguilera


Arli$$Summary: Sarah Michelle Gellar promotes “Arli$$” on DVD because not laughing while watching it can prevent embarrassing pants-wetting. Afterwards, Tracy Morgan tries to engage Gellar and Faith Hill in a catfight designed for his own personal amusement.


Faith Hill performs “I’m Free”

“I Love My Man”Summary: A sexy woman (Maya Rudolph) knows just how her man (Tracy Morgan) feels about her.


Corona IIISummary: A drunk guy (Jimmy Fallon) vacationing on the beach once again accidentally hits a passing stranger when he tosses a beer bottle.


Blame SaddamSummary: Saddam Hussein might not be responsible for 9/11, but Americans don’t mind using that as a reason to be pissed off at him just the same.


Sexual Harrassment SeminarSummary: Merv the Perv (Chris Parnell) disrupts a sexual harrassment seminar to hit on the women that are present.

Recurring Characters: Merv the Perv.



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