SNL Transcripts: Sarah Michelle Gellar: 10/12/02


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 28: Episode 2

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Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:


October 12th, 2002

Sarah Michelle Gellar

Faith Hill


Jim Downey
A Message From the President of the United StatesSummary: President Bush (Chris Parnell) warns Saddam Hussein of his intentions.

Recurring Characters: President George W. Bush, Dick Cheney.


MontageNote: Sen. John McCain was booked to host this week’s episode, but had to postpone it for a week because of a scheduling conflict.

Sarah Michelle Gellar’s MonologueSummary: A vampire (Chris Kattan) in the audience is unappreciative of Sarah Michelle Gellar’s snide “Buffy the Vampire slayer” reference.


Swiffer SleepersSummary: Kids can help keep the house clean with specially-designed dustcloth pajamas.


The Be Safe GangSummary: Policeman (Fred Armisen) advises kids to use their bodies to protect themselves.


Musical DentistSummary: Dr. Kaplan (Chris Kattan) dreams of his hygienist (Sarah Michelle Gellar) while operating.


Trans American AirlinesSummary: Unlike other airlines, Trans America guarantees racial profiling.


Corona ISummary: A drunk guy (Jimmy Fallon) vacationing on the beach accidentally tosses a beer bottle instead of his buzzing cellphone.


Saddam Hussein BriefingSummary: Saddam Hussein (Darrell Hammond) outlines his strategy with his cabinet, then introduces his secret doubles (Chris Kattan, Horatio Sanz).

Recurring Characters: Saddam Hussein.


Corona IISummary: A drunk guy (Jimmy Fallon) vacationing on the beach once again accidentally tosses a beer bottle instead of his buzzing cellphone.


Faith Hill performs “Cry”

Weekend Update with Jimmy Fallon & Tina FeySummary: Steven, the annoying Dell kid (Seth Meyers), comments on teen depression. Tina Fey supports the downfall of the Jewish Federation of Greater Seattle. Ripple (Maya Rudolph) & Delorian Ramada (Sarah Michelle Gellar) are unglamorous jet-setters in the Hilton mold.


Making the VideoSummary: Christina Aguilera (Sarah Michelle Gellar) documents the making of her new trashy video.

Note: Christina Aguilera


Arli$$Summary: Sarah Michelle Gellar promotes “Arli$$” on DVD because not laughing while watching it can prevent embarrassing pants-wetting. Afterwards, Tracy Morgan tries to engage Gellar and Faith Hill in a catfight designed for his own personal amusement.


Faith Hill performs “I’m Free”

“I Love My Man”Summary: A sexy woman (Maya Rudolph) knows just how her man (Tracy Morgan) feels about her.


Corona IIISummary: A drunk guy (Jimmy Fallon) vacationing on the beach once again accidentally hits a passing stranger when he tosses a beer bottle.


Blame SaddamSummary: Saddam Hussein might not be responsible for 9/11, but Americans don’t mind using that as a reason to be pissed off at him just the same.


Sexual Harrassment SeminarSummary: Merv the Perv (Chris Parnell) disrupts a sexual harrassment seminar to hit on the women that are present.

Recurring Characters: Merv the Perv.



SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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