Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 28: Episode 2
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Air Date:Host:Musical Guest:Special Guests:Cameos:
October 12th, 2002
Sarah Michelle Gellar
Faith Hill
None
Jim Downey
A Message From the President of the United StatesSummary: President Bush (Chris Parnell) warns Saddam Hussein of his intentions.
Recurring Characters: President George W. Bush, Dick Cheney.
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MontageNote: Sen. John McCain was booked to host this week’s episode, but had to postpone it for a week because of a scheduling conflict.
Sarah Michelle Gellar’s MonologueSummary: A vampire (Chris Kattan) in the audience is unappreciative of Sarah Michelle Gellar’s snide “Buffy the Vampire slayer” reference.
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Swiffer SleepersSummary: Kids can help keep the house clean with specially-designed dustcloth pajamas.
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The Be Safe GangSummary: Policeman (Fred Armisen) advises kids to use their bodies to protect themselves.
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Musical DentistSummary: Dr. Kaplan (Chris Kattan) dreams of his hygienist (Sarah Michelle Gellar) while operating.
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Trans American AirlinesSummary: Unlike other airlines, Trans America guarantees racial profiling.
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Corona ISummary: A drunk guy (Jimmy Fallon) vacationing on the beach accidentally tosses a beer bottle instead of his buzzing cellphone.
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Saddam Hussein BriefingSummary: Saddam Hussein (Darrell Hammond) outlines his strategy with his cabinet, then introduces his secret doubles (Chris Kattan, Horatio Sanz).
Recurring Characters: Saddam Hussein.
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Corona IISummary: A drunk guy (Jimmy Fallon) vacationing on the beach once again accidentally tosses a beer bottle instead of his buzzing cellphone.
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Faith Hill performs “Cry”
Weekend Update with Jimmy Fallon & Tina FeySummary: Steven, the annoying Dell kid (Seth Meyers), comments on teen depression. Tina Fey supports the downfall of the Jewish Federation of Greater Seattle. Ripple (Maya Rudolph) & Delorian Ramada (Sarah Michelle Gellar) are unglamorous jet-setters in the Hilton mold.
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Making the VideoSummary: Christina Aguilera (Sarah Michelle Gellar) documents the making of her new trashy video.
Note: Christina Aguilera
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Arli$$Summary: Sarah Michelle Gellar promotes “Arli$$” on DVD because not laughing while watching it can prevent embarrassing pants-wetting. Afterwards, Tracy Morgan tries to engage Gellar and Faith Hill in a catfight designed for his own personal amusement.
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Faith Hill performs “I’m Free”
“I Love My Man”Summary: A sexy woman (Maya Rudolph) knows just how her man (Tracy Morgan) feels about her.
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Corona IIISummary: A drunk guy (Jimmy Fallon) vacationing on the beach once again accidentally hits a passing stranger when he tosses a beer bottle.
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Blame SaddamSummary: Saddam Hussein might not be responsible for 9/11, but Americans don’t mind using that as a reason to be pissed off at him just the same.
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Sexual Harrassment SeminarSummary: Merv the Perv (Chris Parnell) disrupts a sexual harrassment seminar to hit on the women that are present.
Recurring Characters: Merv the Perv.
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Goodnights
