Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 28: Episode 3
October 19th, 2002
Sen. John McCain
The White Stripes
Decision 2002: Iraqi State NewsSummary: A self-appointed landslide has ensured Saddam Hussein’s (Horatio Sanz) presidential victory in Iraq.
Recurring Characters: Saddam Hussein.
Sen. John McCain’s MonologueSummary: After Sen. John McCain tells a couple of political jokes, Venezuelan nightclub comedian Fericito (Fred Armisen) helps him develop a catchphrase to make for a more successful monologue.
Recurring Characters: Fericito.
HardballSummary: John Ashcroft (Sen. John McCain) and Rebecca DeWitt (Rachel Dratch) debate safety measures against terrorism, while Harry Belefonte (Tracy Morgan) sputters more nonsensical outrageous statements.
Recurring Characters: Chris Matthews, John Ashcroft.
To Love, Honor & Stalk: The Gillian Woodward StorySummary: The Lifetime Network misconstrues the story of Gillian Woodward (Amy Poehler), a woman being stalked by her close-talking husband, David (Sen. John McCain), in their feministic TV-movie.
Wake Up WakefieldSummary: Hippie teacher Pete Van Bleet (Sen. John McCain) carves Steely Dan jack-o-lanterns for Megan (Maya Rudolph) and Sheldon (Rachel Dratch).
Recurring Characters: Megan, Sheldon, Randy Goldman, Mr. Banglian.
TV FunhouseSummary: In Rob Smigel’s latest superhero adventure, the evil Bighead subdues the Ambiguously Gay Duo with a decor change.
Meet The PressSummary: Tim Russert (Darrell Hammond) won’t stop asking Sen. John McCain if he’ll run for President again in 2004.
Recurring Characters: Tim Russert.
The White Stripes perform “Dead Leaves And The Dirty Ground”
Weekend Update with Jimmy Fallon & Tina FeySummary: Tina Fey delivers a rant on Saddam Hussein’s political victory. The Equal Time rule garners airtime for mundane, softspoken political candidate Tim Calhoun (Will Forte).
Recurring Characters: Tim Calhoun.
McCain Sings StreisandSummary: To get back at Barbra Streisand for constantly sticking her nose into politics, Sen. John McCain releases an album of him singing horrible renditions of her songs.
My Big Thick NovelSummary: Jack Handey recalls a cCrisis of conscience during a dinner with cannibals.
Top O’ The MorningSummary: Irish pub drinkers Patrick Fitzwilliam (Jimmy Fallon) and Wiliam Fitzpatrick (Seth Meyers) – who’ve heard all the jokes, thank you very much, so save them – interview author Frank McCourt (Sen. John McCain).
Recurring Characters: Patrick Fitzwilliam, Wiliam Fitzpatrick.
The White Stripes perform “We’re Going To Be Friends”