SNL Transcripts: Sen. John McCain: 10/19/02



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 28: Episode 3


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October 19th, 2002

Sen. John McCain

The White Stripes

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Decision 2002: Iraqi State NewsSummary: A self-appointed landslide has ensured Saddam Hussein’s (Horatio Sanz) presidential victory in Iraq.

Recurring Characters: Saddam Hussein.

Transcript

Montage

Sen. John McCain’s MonologueSummary: After Sen. John McCain tells a couple of political jokes, Venezuelan nightclub comedian Fericito (Fred Armisen) helps him develop a catchphrase to make for a more successful monologue.

Recurring Characters: Fericito.

Transcript

HardballSummary: John Ashcroft (Sen. John McCain) and Rebecca DeWitt (Rachel Dratch) debate safety measures against terrorism, while Harry Belefonte (Tracy Morgan) sputters more nonsensical outrageous statements.

Recurring Characters: Chris Matthews, John Ashcroft.

Transcript

To Love, Honor & Stalk: The Gillian Woodward StorySummary: The Lifetime Network misconstrues the story of Gillian Woodward (Amy Poehler), a woman being stalked by her close-talking husband, David (Sen. John McCain), in their feministic TV-movie.

Transcript

Wake Up WakefieldSummary: Hippie teacher Pete Van Bleet (Sen. John McCain) carves Steely Dan jack-o-lanterns for Megan (Maya Rudolph) and Sheldon (Rachel Dratch).

Recurring Characters: Megan, Sheldon, Randy Goldman, Mr. Banglian.

Transcript

TV FunhouseSummary: In Rob Smigel’s latest superhero adventure, the evil Bighead subdues the Ambiguously Gay Duo with a decor change.

Transcript

Meet The PressSummary: Tim Russert (Darrell Hammond) won’t stop asking Sen. John McCain if he’ll run for President again in 2004.

Recurring Characters: Tim Russert.

Transcript

The White Stripes perform “Dead Leaves And The Dirty Ground”

Weekend Update with Jimmy Fallon & Tina FeySummary: Tina Fey delivers a rant on Saddam Hussein’s political victory. The Equal Time rule garners airtime for mundane, softspoken political candidate Tim Calhoun (Will Forte).

Recurring Characters: Tim Calhoun.

Transcript

McCain Sings StreisandSummary: To get back at Barbra Streisand for constantly sticking her nose into politics, Sen. John McCain releases an album of him singing horrible renditions of her songs.

Transcript

My Big Thick NovelSummary: Jack Handey recalls a cCrisis of conscience during a dinner with cannibals.

Transcript

Top O’ The MorningSummary: Irish pub drinkers Patrick Fitzwilliam (Jimmy Fallon) and Wiliam Fitzpatrick (Seth Meyers) – who’ve heard all the jokes, thank you very much, so save them – interview author Frank McCourt (Sen. John McCain).

Recurring Characters: Patrick Fitzwilliam, Wiliam Fitzpatrick.

Transcript

The White Stripes perform “We’re Going To Be Friends”

GoodnightsTranscript

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