SNL Transcripts: Eric McCormack: 11/02/02: Eric McCormack’s Monologue



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 28: Episode 4



02d: Eric McCormack / Jay-Z

Eric McCormack’s Monologue

…..Eric McCormack
…..Chris Kattan

Eric McCormack: Thank you. Thank you so much. What can I say? I’m hosting “Saturday Night Live” – how happy am I! Most of you probably know me as Will, from “Will & Grace”.. I understand that there may be some questions out here for me tonight. I’m happy to answer them, but let me start with the obviosu one first – No.. I’m not gay. I get that a lot, because my character, Will, is gay.. but I’m not. But I’m happy to answer anything else, though. Anybody?

Male Audience Member #1: Yes, hi, Eric.

Eric McCormack: Hi.

Male Audience Member #1: I don’t really have a question, just more of a comment? Uh.. I just want to say I’m a big fan of “Will & Grace”, I love your work.

Eric McCormack: Uh.. thank you.. thank you very much.

Male Audience Member #1: Oh, by the way, everyone thinks I’m gay, too, but.. I’m not! [ laughs ] Just like you!

Eric McCormack: Uh.. thank you.. uh.. yes, you? [ points to second audence member ]

Male Audience Member #2: [ dressed in cardigan, with a high, snoty voice ] Hi, Eric. I’m not gay, wither. I was hoping you could settle a bet – are your eyes green.. or hazel?

Eric McCormack: Wow.. they are actually green..

Male Audience Member #2: [ to Male Companion ] You owe me a back rub! His eyes are gree, and he’s not gay! We’re not gay, either! [ snickers ]

Eric McCormack: I’m.. I’m not gay..

Male Audience Member #2: Of course.

Eric McCormack: No! I’m not! Somebody else, please. On more question. [ points ] You, sir? [ man clad in leather chaps rises ] Actually, you know what? Not.. not.. not you.. the guy behind you. Yeah?

Male Audience Member #3: Yeah, um.. I’m not gay, either..

Eric McCormack: Great! What’s your question?

Male Audience Member #3: Uh.. do you want to go make out?

Eric McCormack: Okay, look! Will is gay.. I’m not! Is that so hard..?

[ Chris Kattans comes onstage ]

Chris Kattan: McCormack.. McCormack.. it’s okay.

Eric McCormack: I just, you know.. I try..

Chris Kattan: I know! I know! You know what? You’re not gonna beleive this.. but, sometimes, people think I’m gay. [ reveals that he’s wearing Mango outfit underneath ]

Eric McCormack: You?

Chris Kattan: Yeah, I know! Can you believe it?

Eric McCormack: But, you’re so..

Chris Kattan: No, I know, I know! and I’m a happily married man!

Eric McCormack: Yeah?

Chris Kattan: Yeah! Look at this! [ shows picture of himself with butch-looking woman ] That’s my wife – Bernice! And, still, people think I’m gay! I think what you need to do, is look deep down inside, and find that man inside of you, and share it with others.

Eric McCormack: Maybe you’re right.

Chris Kattan: Yeah.

Eric McCormack: Thanks, Chris!

Chris Kattan: You’re welcome. [ winks at audience before exiting stage ]

Eric McCormack: Chris is right! It doesn’t matter what you all think. I know I’m a straight man! I know it!

[ cue music, Eric begins song ]

“And I’ll tell you whyyyyyyy

I love baseball, and boxing,
messing around with tools!
Six-packs, and wrestling,
and smoking a pack of Kools.

I love watching Steve McQueen
movies on the late, late show!
And push-ups, and jumping jacks,
don’t you know!

What I really, really love
more than anything..
are boobies!Boobies!

Boobies in the morning,
boobies in the Spring!
Boobies in my face,
boobies are everything!

Boobiiiiieeeesss!!”

I think I just set the record straight, would you say? We’ve got a great show for you tonight! I’m not gay! Jay-Z’s here, with Lenny Kravitz and Beoynce! so, stick around – I’m not gay – we’ll be right back! I’m not gay! I’m not.. gay!

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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