SNL Transcripts: Eric McCormack: 11/02/02: Eric McCormack’s Monologue



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 28: Episode 4



02d: Eric McCormack / Jay-Z

Eric McCormack’s Monologue

…..Eric McCormack
…..Chris Kattan

Eric McCormack: Thank you. Thank you so much. What can I say? I’m hosting “Saturday Night Live” – how happy am I! Most of you probably know me as Will, from “Will & Grace”.. I understand that there may be some questions out here for me tonight. I’m happy to answer them, but let me start with the obviosu one first – No.. I’m not gay. I get that a lot, because my character, Will, is gay.. but I’m not. But I’m happy to answer anything else, though. Anybody?

Male Audience Member #1: Yes, hi, Eric.

Eric McCormack: Hi.

Male Audience Member #1: I don’t really have a question, just more of a comment? Uh.. I just want to say I’m a big fan of “Will & Grace”, I love your work.

Eric McCormack: Uh.. thank you.. thank you very much.

Male Audience Member #1: Oh, by the way, everyone thinks I’m gay, too, but.. I’m not! [ laughs ] Just like you!

Eric McCormack: Uh.. thank you.. uh.. yes, you? [ points to second audence member ]

Male Audience Member #2: [ dressed in cardigan, with a high, snoty voice ] Hi, Eric. I’m not gay, wither. I was hoping you could settle a bet – are your eyes green.. or hazel?

Eric McCormack: Wow.. they are actually green..

Male Audience Member #2: [ to Male Companion ] You owe me a back rub! His eyes are gree, and he’s not gay! We’re not gay, either! [ snickers ]

Eric McCormack: I’m.. I’m not gay..

Male Audience Member #2: Of course.

Eric McCormack: No! I’m not! Somebody else, please. On more question. [ points ] You, sir? [ man clad in leather chaps rises ] Actually, you know what? Not.. not.. not you.. the guy behind you. Yeah?

Male Audience Member #3: Yeah, um.. I’m not gay, either..

Eric McCormack: Great! What’s your question?

Male Audience Member #3: Uh.. do you want to go make out?

Eric McCormack: Okay, look! Will is gay.. I’m not! Is that so hard..?

[ Chris Kattans comes onstage ]

Chris Kattan: McCormack.. McCormack.. it’s okay.

Eric McCormack: I just, you know.. I try..

Chris Kattan: I know! I know! You know what? You’re not gonna beleive this.. but, sometimes, people think I’m gay. [ reveals that he’s wearing Mango outfit underneath ]

Eric McCormack: You?

Chris Kattan: Yeah, I know! Can you believe it?

Eric McCormack: But, you’re so..

Chris Kattan: No, I know, I know! and I’m a happily married man!

Eric McCormack: Yeah?

Chris Kattan: Yeah! Look at this! [ shows picture of himself with butch-looking woman ] That’s my wife – Bernice! And, still, people think I’m gay! I think what you need to do, is look deep down inside, and find that man inside of you, and share it with others.

Eric McCormack: Maybe you’re right.

Chris Kattan: Yeah.

Eric McCormack: Thanks, Chris!

Chris Kattan: You’re welcome. [ winks at audience before exiting stage ]

Eric McCormack: Chris is right! It doesn’t matter what you all think. I know I’m a straight man! I know it!

[ cue music, Eric begins song ]

“And I’ll tell you whyyyyyyy

I love baseball, and boxing,
messing around with tools!
Six-packs, and wrestling,
and smoking a pack of Kools.

I love watching Steve McQueen
movies on the late, late show!
And push-ups, and jumping jacks,
don’t you know!

What I really, really love
more than anything..
are boobies!Boobies!

Boobies in the morning,
boobies in the Spring!
Boobies in my face,
boobies are everything!

Boobiiiiieeeesss!!”

I think I just set the record straight, would you say? We’ve got a great show for you tonight! I’m not gay! Jay-Z’s here, with Lenny Kravitz and Beoynce! so, stick around – I’m not gay – we’ll be right back! I’m not gay! I’m not.. gay!

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