SNL Transcripts: Eric McCormack: 11/02/02: Z105


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 28: Episode 4

02d: Eric McCormack / Jay-Z


Joey Mack…..Jimmy Fallon
Councilman Gik…..Eric McCormack

[ open on metro area traffic scene, to the sounds of morning zoo radio Z-105 ]

Joey Mack V/O: Good morning, Saugurtes! Joey Mack & The Fuzz coming at ya – Andrea’s gonna give us a traffic report pretty soon!

Andrea V/O: It’s gonna be rough out there, you guys!

Joey Mack V/O: All that and more!

[ dissolve to interior, radio booth, only one on-air personality visible at the mike ]

Joey Mack: You’ve been listening to Z-105 all morning, and you’re listening to the best! [ pot rock music up ] Alright! Anyway. So, I was with this girl last night, right, and things get crazy.. she puts her finger where it’s not supposed to go. I don’t know why they do that. Anyways! Making me toast the next morning, I notice her fingernails are all brown – oh, my God! [ laughs ] It’s 5:43 in the A.M. here – we’ll be right back with the morning mix!

Joey Mack: Hey! Councilman Gik?

Councilman Gik: Yeah. I’m, uh.. looking for Joey Mack & The Fuzz.. the Z-105 Morning Crew..?

Joey Mack: Yeah! Come on in, come on! Thank you so much for coming! We’re excited here!

Councilman Gik: There’s an election coming.. I thought I would get the word out.

Joey Mack: Put your headphones on, we’re psyched to have you, thank you so much! This is great!

Councilman Gik: [ looking around the booth ] It sounded like there were.. a lot more people in here.

Joey Mack: Oh, yeah, yeah! Don’t worry about it. Don’t worry about it.

And we’re baaaaack! It’s 5:24 in the A.M. here, we got a special guest in the studio.. [ Man-in-the-Box voice ] Is it Pamela Lee? [ Joey ] Man In The Box! Get back in there! No, it’s not Pamela Lee! We’ve got Councilman Bill Gik, he’s running for Mayor this week.

Councilman Gik: Thank you.. it’s, uh, nice to be here.. I’m running for County Legislator.

Joey Mack: Anyway.. I gotta ask you a question. You’re in politics, right?

Councilman Gik: Yeah.

Joey Mack: Now, we can’t say the word, because this is radio, but you know what I’m talking about. Do you get a lot of wounaki?

Councilman Gik: W-wounaki..? I-I-I don’t know what you’re-

Joey Mack: Come on, you’re an ordinary guy, hey! I’ll tell you who’s gettin’ a lot of wounaki – it’s our traffic girl Andrea. [ Andrea voice ] Come on, you guys! I do not, you don’t even know! [ Joey ] I’ll tell you what. I heard Andrea went on a date last night.. [ Man -in-the-box voice ] I heard she gave up the wounakiiiii! [ Joey ] Man-in-the-box! [ Andrea voice ] I can’t believe it! [ Joey ] Now, Andrea.. at Cactus Jack’s, right? You’re there with this guy Brian, Ryan, I don’t know what’s his name? [ Andrea voice ] You know his name is Brian, you guys, he’s nice! [ Joey ] Anyway. Andrea’s out with this guy – Brian, Ryan, whatever his name is, alright? Let me get this straight – the guy uses a coupon.. [ Man-in-the-box voice ] Cheap-ooooo! [ Joey ] Good call, Man-in-a-box! I mean, where’d you meet this guy, in Costco? [ Andrea voice ] Come on, you guy’s he’s frugal! [ Joey ] Alright, my question is: Did he give her half-off the wounaki? It’s 5:26 in the a.m., we’ll be right back!

[ to Councilman Gik ] So, uh.. how’s the election going?

Councilman Gik: Uh.. good, I-I guess.. Am I going to get to talk about the issues?

Joey Mack: Yeah, yeah, sure! Is there something you want to plug, or..

Councilman Gik: Well, I’d like to talk about the Hastings Paper Mill, it’s polluting Hardy Pond, it’s killing all the-

Joey Mack: Hold on a second. [ on the mike ] And we’re baaaack! It’s 5:27 in the a.m. Councilman Bill Gik is here. We were talking about an important issue during the break..

Councilman Gik: Yes, we were.

Joey Mack: Uh, now, Councilman, honestly – how many times a day did you say you stroke it?

Councilman Gik: Wha-what?!

Joey Mack: Two times? Three times? [ Andrea voice ] You guys! [ Joey ] Uh, he’s pointing up, Andrea! Four times?!

Councilman Gik: [ outraged ] I didn’t say that I-

Joey Mack: [ Man-in-the-box voice ] It’s very possible! [Joey ] Now, we got our intern, Sonji, just came in here. Sonji, Councilman Gik says he spanks it four times a day!

Councilman Gik: I did not say that!

Joey Mack: Is that possible? [ Sonji voice ] I do not know, that is impossible.. oh, my god, I don’t believe this.. [ Joey ] Sonji, did you hear that Andrea’s date used a coupon at Cactus Jack’s! [ Sonhi voice ] No, I did not hear that.. that is funny! Oh, he used a coupon on a date! [ Joey ] Now, Councilman, you heard about the coupon, right?

Councilman Gik: [ exasperated ] No, I didn’t..

Joey Mack: [ Man-in-the-box voice ] I heard that he didn’t need any coupons [ Joey ] Why is that, Man-in-the-box? [ Man-in-the-box voice ] Because her panties were half-off! [ andrea voice ] Man-in-the-box! [ Man-in-the-box ] It was all-you-can-eat wounaki buffet! [ Joey ] Alright! It’s 5:27 in the a.m. here. We got a caller on Line 1. Caller, you’re on the air! [ Caller voice ] Uh, hi there, Councilman. Gary. [ Joey ] Hey, Gary’s a typical guy, right? It’s me, Joey Mack! [ Andrea voice ] And Andrea! [ Man-in-the-box voice ] What’s up, Gary? It’s me, Man-in-the-box! [ Sonji voice ] It’s me – Sonji! [ Joey ] And? [ holds microphone towards Councilman Gik ]

Councilman Gik: [ hesitant ] Bill..

Joey Mack: Gik is here! Uh.. Gary, do you have a question for Councilman Gik? [ Caller voice ] Uh, yeah, I have a question about your opponent?

Councilman Gik: [ suddenly psyched ] Uh, yes! Janice Rhiney. go ahead.

Joey Mack: [ Caller voice ] Yeah, I-I-I was wondering, uh.. did she give you any wounaki? [ Joey ] Ha ha ha! [ Sonji vice ] Oh, my God, that is hilarious! [ Joey ] The gang wants to know if you’re sticking it to your opponet Janice Rhiney!

Councilman Gik: [ outraged ] What?! No!

Joey Mack: He’s winking! He’s winking at me, folks!

Councilman Gik: I am not!

Joey Mack: [ Man-in-the-box voice ] I’d like to stick it in her rhiney!

Councilman Gik: Ohh, come on! It’s 5:30 in the morning!

Joey Mack: Hey, leave me out of this, alright? That’s between you and the Man-in-the-box!

Councilman Gik: What Man-in-the-box?! There is no Man-in-the-box!

Joey Mack: [ solemn ] I’m gonna be honest with you right now – I have a boner! [ presses button to make springing sound effect ] Okay! I’m excited right now! [ Councilman Gik stands to leave ] Uh-oh! Councilman Gik’s trying to get a peek over here!

Councilman Gik: You know, I’m just gonna go!

Joey Mack: Alright, see you later. Councilman Gik is great, great guy that councilman, I like him a lot. [ Man-in-the-box voice ] I think that guy pooped his paaaants! [ Joey ] Man-in-the-box! Now, wait – Councilman Gik’s coming.. he’s back.. what did he say.. he came back in here, how are you doing? [ Councilman Gik voice ] Uh.. hey, everybody.. I’m Councilman Gik.. I pooped my pants. [ Andrea voice ] Euuuggh, that’s gross! [ Man-in-the-box ] I knew he did it! [ Joey ] Oh, my God! Councilman Gik pooped his pants! That’s crazy! It’s 5:31 in the a.m., we’ll be right back..

Councilman Gik: [ running back in to defend himself ] I did not poop my pants! Is this on?! I did NOT poop my pants!

[ fade out ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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