Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 28: Episode 4
Paula Zahn…..Tina Fey
Brent Dunlop…..Eric McCormack
Koatie Jeffers…..Rachel Dratch
Stephanie Lockland…..Amy Poehler
Terrence Peeler…..Chris Parnell
Paula Zahn: Good morning, I’m Paula Zahn. And, sitting in for my usual sidekick Jack Cafferty, this morning, is Brent Dunlop. Brent. Brent, I know you usually work in Atlanta with our own Wolf Blitzer, but, uh, welcome to “American Morning.” Good to have you here.
Brent Dunlop: Thanks, Paula. As you know, it’s a little early for me, so bare with me.
Paula Zahn: [ chuckles playfully ] You’ll be just fine!
Brent Dunlop: Now, Jack told me to watch you like a hawk.
Paula Zahn: [ guffaws ] I don’t know! You crazy guys down at Nightly News are the ones to watch! [ laughs ] Anyway, we are following three stories closely this morning. [ correspondents are shown one-by-one in their various locales ] Terrence Peeler joins us from the UN, where a new round of negotiations are under way. Stephanie Lockland in Russia, with more information about the gas used in last week’s raid. And Koatie Jeffers in Montgomery County, with an update on the sniper suspects.
Brent Dunlop: New developments down there, concerning this case, I understand.
Paula Zahn: Yes, big news. We’ll be talking to Koatie Jeffers in just a minute.. I did want to ask Brent, though, uh.. if he got a chance to see the changing leaves on his way up from Atlanta.
Brent Dunlop: I did. Beautiful color. I love New York in the Fall.
Paula Zahn: Isn’t it beautiful?
Brent Dunlop: Yeah. Oops. Sorry.. [ picks lint from Paula’s shoulder ] A little something there..
Paula Zahn: [ laughing ] Oh, my God! Well, someone from hair and make-up is in big truoble! [ laughs ] Uh.. can I just say that, uh.. this is sort of.. working between us.
Brent Dunlop: I-it is!
Paula Zahn: Yeah.
Brent Dunlop: Right? I feel it.
Paula Zahn: [ a beat ] Are we in love?
Brent Dunlop: Oh, my God.. I.. I thought it was just me.. I didn’t want to be the first one to say it, I.. I do love you.. I love you so much!
Paula Zahn: I’m in love with you, too!
[ they laugh ]
[ SUPER: “Breaking News: Anchors in Love” ]
Paula Zahn: Anyway, Koatie.. what’s happening down in, uh.. down in, uh.. [ laughs ] I am so embarrassed! Uh.. in Montgomery County.. we’re hearing new developments that have increased the death toll.
Koatie Jeffers: Yes, Paula. Investigators are now trying to link Mohamed and Malvo to several unsolved crimes in different states. Um.. but, putting that aside for a second.. I just want to say that.. you too.. [ chuckles happily ]
Brent Dunlop: Go on!
Koatie Jeffers: Well..!
Paula Zahn: You can say it!
Koatie Jeffers: You’re so in love! I love that you’re in love!
Paula Zahn: Believe me, we love being in love.
Brent Dunlop: [ reflective ] Ah.. love is great. Kiss?
[ they kiss ]
Paula Zahn: I love you.
Brent Dunlop: Ohhh.. ditto.
Koatie Jeffers: You guys! I’m so jealous!
Paula Zahn: Stephanie Lockland, standing by in Russia, with the latest on the gas that killed so many in that raid. Stephanie, I’ve got to ask you, uh.. what do you think of our love?
Stephanie Lockland: [ stone-faced ] Ar-are you guys nuts?
Brent Dunlop: We’re love nuts! [ laughs with Paula ]
Stephanie Lockland: I’m just going to enter my report like this is a news show.
Paula Zahn: [ mimicking ] Ohh, she’s so serious! [ laughs ]
Stephanie Lockland: The American Embassy has learned that the gas used to subdue the rebels in last week’s raid was one of high potency..
Paula Zahn: [ to Brent ] I love you so much..
Brent Dunlop: I love you.. so.. much.
Paula Zahn: You’re so sweet..
Brent Dunlop: God, I.. I, uh.. got you this.. [ removes small box from jacket pocket ]
Paula Zahn: [ excited and surprised ] What! Oh, you didn’t! What is it?
Brent Dunlop: Well.. open it.
Paula Zahn: Oh, my God.. oh, my God.. [ opens package ] Huh.. pearls! I love pearls!
Brent Dunlop: They’re earrings.
Paula Zahn: I knew that! [ they giggle ] Oh.. Terrence, have we seen some movement from the French on this UN resolution?
Terrence Peeler: [ shaking head ] I.. guess.. I don’t know. What I’m seeing is two people very much in love. And, when you get right down to it, what has news got to do with the way two people feel? I mean, I could talk about UN stuff, but.. really.. [ singing ] ““Looooovvvee.. look at the two of yooooouuu..“
Brent Dunlop: [ laughing ] Terrence Peeler! Stop it! No, that was very nice!
Paula Zahn: Oh, so sweet.. so sweet..
Stephanie Lockland: Hey! Come on! Cut this out, this is the news! Act professionally!
Brent Dunlop: I wonder if she’s in Russia? [ laughs ]
Paula Zahn: Yeah! Thanks a lot, Stephanie – bye!
Brent Dunlop: Bye!
Paula Zahn: Koatie?
Koatie Jeffers: Those earrings are so great! [ excited ] You are so.. LUCKY!!
Paula Zahn: He’s a great guy. I think I’ll keep him! [ chuckles, as Brent begins kissing her all over her neck ] Ooh! Uh.. when we return.. stop it! [ Brent laughs ] A new study shows that world hunger is said to be the leading cause of death. [ cue romantic music ] And, of course, more love.
[ Terrence Peeler leaves UN landscape to enter the news set ]
Terrence Peeler: [ singing ] “Loooooovvee.. look at the two of yoooooouuuu.. strangerrrrrrs.. in many waaaaayyys..“