SNL Transcripts: Nia Vardalos: 11/09/02


Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:

November 9th, 2002

Nia Vardalos



  • A Message From the President of the United States

    President Bush (Chris Parnell) uses fuzzy math to record Republican election wins.

    Recurring Characters: President George W. Bush.

  • Nia Vardalos’ Monologue

    Tina Fey introduces Vardalos to her Greek family.

  • Swiffer Sleepers

    (Rerun) See: 10/12/02.

  • Bloater Brothers

    Kip (Jimmy Fallon) & Wayne (Chris Parnell) hit on woman (Vardalos) at sushi bar.

    Recurring Characters: Kip Bloater, Wayne Bloater.

  • CBS Special Report

    Nerds have overtaken the cool kids in Douglas High student elections.

    Recurring Characters: Dan Rather.

  • La Femme Day Spa

    Spa matron (Vardalos) waxes patron’s (Rachel Dratch) stubborn hairs.

  • Eve performs “Gangsta Lovin'”

  • Weekend Update with Jimmy Fallon & Tina Fey

    Tina Fey & Jimmy Fallon demonstrate sonar security system.

    Seth Meyers’ conversation if he’d gone to his 10-year high school reunion.

  • The Ferey Muhtar Talk Show

    Turkish actress (Vardalos) discusses calendar and night out dancing.

    Recurring Characters: Ferey Muhtar, Tariq Uzekiel.

  • The Falconer

    Falcon temporarily abandons Falconer (Will Forte) for the good life.

  • Pier 1

    Former spokesman Kirstie Alley (Vardalos) kidnaps businesswoman (Rachel Dratch).

  • Dropping the L.B.’s with Missy E.

    Missy Elliot (Tracy Morgan) workout helps drop a few pounds.

  • Eve performs “Satisfaction”

  • Glenda Goodwin: Attorney-at-Law

    Glenda Goodwin (Maya Rudolph) sues against unbelievable circumstances.

  • Community Accents

    Vasquez Gomez-Vasquez (Horatio Sanz) is easily distracted during issues forum.

  • Goodnights

    SNL Transcripts

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    Author: Don Roy King

    Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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