Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 28: Episode 6
Adam Sandler’s Chanukah Song III
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, The Driedels.
The Driedels: “Blow your harmonica, it’s time for Hanukkah,
once again it’s Hanukkah, the miracle of Hanukkah…”
Adam Sandler: Thank you. It’s incredible to be back here. Let’s go.
the festival of lights;
One day of presents?
Hell no, we get the eight crazy nights!
But if you still feel like the only kid in town
without a Christmas tree,
I guess my first two songs didn’t do it for you,
so here comes number three!
Ross and Phoebe from “Friends”
say the Hanukkah blessing,
So does Lenny’s pal Squiggy
and “Will and Grace”‘s Debra Messing!
Melissa Gilbert and Michael Landon never mixed meat with dairy,
Maybe they should have called that show
“Little Kosher House on the Prairie”!
We got Jerry Lewis,
Ben Stiller, and Jack Black,
Tom Arnold converted to Judaism,
but you guys can have him back!
We may not get to kiss
underneath the mistletoe,
But we can do it all night long
with Deuce Bigalow!
Rob Schneider: I’m Jewish!
Adam Sandler: “Put on your yarmulke, here comes Hanukkah…
Rob Schneider: “The guy in Willie Nelson’s band who plays harmonica celebrates Hanukkah!
Adam Sandler: Tiny Elvis, ladies and gentlemen! Tiny El Skris! Schneider, I did not know you were Jewish.
Rob Schneider: I’m a Filipino Jew. In fact, I have to go home and light the first pig.
Adam Sandler: Get going.
“Osama bin Laden…
The Driedels: BOO!
Adam Sandler: “Not a big fan of the Jews!
Well maybe that’s because he lost the figure skating match
to gold medalist Sarah Hughes!
(Her mama’s Jewish.)
Houdini and David Blaine escape straightjackets
with such precision,
but one thing they could not get out of…
Their painful circumcision!
Gwyneth Paltrow’s half-Jewish,
But a full-time Oscar winner,
Jennifer Connelly’s half-Jewish too,
And I’d like to put more in her!
There’s Lou Reed, Perry Farrell,
Beck, and Paula Abdul,
Joey Ramone invented punk rock music,
but first came Hebrew school!
Gotta live for Hanukkah
It’s time to celebrate Hanukkah,
I hope I get an Ab-tronica
On this joyful, joyful Hanukkah,
So get a high Colonica
And soil your long johnnakahs
If you really, really wannakah,
Have a happy, happy, happy, happy,
happy, happy, happy, happy Hanukkah!”
Happy holidays, everybody! “Live, from New York, it’s Saturday Night!”
Submitted by: Mike S.