SNL Transcripts: Brittany Murphy: 11/16/02: Astronaut Jones


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 28: Episode 6

02f: Brittany Murphy / Nelly

Astronaut Jones

Astronaut Jones…..Tracy Morgan
Cadet Nelly…..Nelly
Cadet Garrett…..Garrett Morris
Queen Bleebora…..Brittany Murphy

[ open on Astronaut Jones walking through a dark cave with his crew, Garrett Morris and Nelly, as they approach a pair of large space rocks ]

Astronaut Jones: [ speaking into space phone ] Come in, Earth! My crew and I are deep in the caves of the planet Zorgon. We are completely alone! I don’t think there are any space monsters or aliens.

[ suddenly, the two space rocks come to life, towering over astronaut Jones and his crew ]

Astronaut Jones: Uh-oh! I might have been wrong about that!

I’m taking a rocket.
I’m packing my suitcase
Hey, look out, Moon!

Yeah, a rocket
into outer space.
Goodbye, human race
I’ll be there soon.

Blast off!
For fun and adventure.
There’s a fair adventure
collecting stones.

Yeah, it’s my way
on the ol’ space highway.
That’s why they all say
“There goes Astronaut Jones!”


Announcer: “Astronuat Jones”! In “Attack of the Zorgons”. With special guests: Nelly and Garrett Morris.

[ dissolve back to scene ]

Astronaut Jones: I can’t talk, Earth! I have to fight the Zorgons. Cadet Nelly, hold my space phone!

Cadet Nelly: I will hold your phone.

Cadet Garrett: Look out, Astronaut Jones!

[ the rock creatures come forward and take their grip on Astronaut Jones ] [ Queen Bleeblora enters scene, taking full command ]

Queen Bleebora: Release that man! Let go of the Earthling! [ Astronaut Jones is released ] I apologize for these two Zargons.

[ Astronaut Jones and his crew stare laciviously at Queen Bleebora ]

Astronaut Jones: Ah, it ain’t nothing..

Cadet Nelly: Yeah, it’s no big deal..

Queen Bleebora: The men on Zargon..

Astronaut Jones: Mmm.

Cadet Garrett: Mmm.

Queen Bleebora: ..are warlike.

Astronaut Jones: Right.

Cadet Nelly: That’s true.

Queen Bleebora: I am Bleebora..

Astronaut Jones: Mmm-hmm..

Cadet Nelly: Yes, you are, baby.

Queen Bleebora: ..the Queen of the Zorgons.

Astronaut Jones: God bless your soul!

Queen Bleebora: We have been monitoring your time here on Zargon..

Astronaut Jones: Thank you, Jesus!

Queen Bleebora: And we understand..

Cadet Nelly: Right!

Queen Bleebora: ..that you are a peaceful race.

Cadet Garrett: A 44 double-D!

Astronaut Jones: Mmm-hmm!

Queen Bleebora: We, too, are peace-loving.

Astronaut Jones: Sweet, like bear meat!

Cadet Garrett: You are a piece!

Cadet Nelly: Yes, indeed!

Queen Bleebora: Zargon is rich..

Astronaut Jones: Oooohh, you see that, Cadet Nelly?

Cadet Nelly: Oh, my!

Queen Bleebora: minerals..

Astronaut Jones: Jump on it!

Queen Bleebora: ..and valuable in gemstones..

Cadet Nelly: Uh-huh!

Queen Bleebora: ..that could be of great use to your people.

Astronaut Jones: Serious blockbuster!

Queen Bleebora: And your planet Earth..

Astronaut Jones: Oughtta bust a block, too!

Queen Bleebora: ..has an abundance of sand..

Astronaut Jones: Right.

Queen Bleebora: ..which you need to live..

Cadet Nelly: Mmm!

Astronaut Jones: Mmm-hmm.

Queen Bleebora: I believe our two worlds could share and learn from each other.

Astronaut Jones: Dig it!

Cadet Nelly: Love those two worlds!

Queen Bleebora: What do you say to that, Astronaut Jones?

Astronaut Jones: Why don’t you pop out that spacesuit, and let me see those two big, gray space titties!

Cadet Nelly: Show me the boobies!

[ Queen Bleebora looks at the camera in shock ]

I’m taking a rocket.
I’m packing my suitcase
Hey, look out, Moon!”

Announcer: “Astronaut Jones”, written by Tracy Morgan. Directed by Tracy Morgan. Hair and Make-up by Tracy Morgan. Produced by Tracy Morgan and Melvin Goldfarb. This has been a Morgan/Goldfarb Production.

Voice: You like?

Astronaut Jones V/O: You’re lookin’ up, money!

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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