SNL Transcripts: Brittany Murphy: 11/16/02: Astronaut Jones

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 28: Episode 6

02f: Brittany Murphy / Nelly

Astronaut Jones

Astronaut Jones…..Tracy Morgan
Cadet Nelly…..Nelly
Cadet Garrett…..Garrett Morris
Queen Bleebora…..Brittany Murphy

[ open on Astronaut Jones walking through a dark cave with his crew, Garrett Morris and Nelly, as they approach a pair of large space rocks ]

Astronaut Jones: [ speaking into space phone ] Come in, Earth! My crew and I are deep in the caves of the planet Zorgon. We are completely alone! I don’t think there are any space monsters or aliens.

[ suddenly, the two space rocks come to life, towering over astronaut Jones and his crew ]

Astronaut Jones: Uh-oh! I might have been wrong about that!

I’m taking a rocket.
I’m packing my suitcase
Hey, look out, Moon!

Yeah, a rocket
into outer space.
Goodbye, human race
I’ll be there soon.

Blast off!
For fun and adventure.
There’s a fair adventure
collecting stones.

Yeah, it’s my way
on the ol’ space highway.
That’s why they all say
“There goes Astronaut Jones!”


Announcer: “Astronuat Jones”! In “Attack of the Zorgons”. With special guests: Nelly and Garrett Morris.

[ dissolve back to scene ]

Astronaut Jones: I can’t talk, Earth! I have to fight the Zorgons. Cadet Nelly, hold my space phone!

Cadet Nelly: I will hold your phone.

Cadet Garrett: Look out, Astronaut Jones!

[ the rock creatures come forward and take their grip on Astronaut Jones ] [ Queen Bleeblora enters scene, taking full command ]

Queen Bleebora: Release that man! Let go of the Earthling! [ Astronaut Jones is released ] I apologize for these two Zargons.

[ Astronaut Jones and his crew stare laciviously at Queen Bleebora ]

Astronaut Jones: Ah, it ain’t nothing..

Cadet Nelly: Yeah, it’s no big deal..

Queen Bleebora: The men on Zargon..

Astronaut Jones: Mmm.

Cadet Garrett: Mmm.

Queen Bleebora: ..are warlike.

Astronaut Jones: Right.

Cadet Nelly: That’s true.

Queen Bleebora: I am Bleebora..

Astronaut Jones: Mmm-hmm..

Cadet Nelly: Yes, you are, baby.

Queen Bleebora: ..the Queen of the Zorgons.

Astronaut Jones: God bless your soul!

Queen Bleebora: We have been monitoring your time here on Zargon..

Astronaut Jones: Thank you, Jesus!

Queen Bleebora: And we understand..

Cadet Nelly: Right!

Queen Bleebora: ..that you are a peaceful race.

Cadet Garrett: A 44 double-D!

Astronaut Jones: Mmm-hmm!

Queen Bleebora: We, too, are peace-loving.

Astronaut Jones: Sweet, like bear meat!

Cadet Garrett: You are a piece!

Cadet Nelly: Yes, indeed!

Queen Bleebora: Zargon is rich..

Astronaut Jones: Oooohh, you see that, Cadet Nelly?

Cadet Nelly: Oh, my!

Queen Bleebora: minerals..

Astronaut Jones: Jump on it!

Queen Bleebora: ..and valuable in gemstones..

Cadet Nelly: Uh-huh!

Queen Bleebora: ..that could be of great use to your people.

Astronaut Jones: Serious blockbuster!

Queen Bleebora: And your planet Earth..

Astronaut Jones: Oughtta bust a block, too!

Queen Bleebora: ..has an abundance of sand..

Astronaut Jones: Right.

Queen Bleebora: ..which you need to live..

Cadet Nelly: Mmm!

Astronaut Jones: Mmm-hmm.

Queen Bleebora: I believe our two worlds could share and learn from each other.

Astronaut Jones: Dig it!

Cadet Nelly: Love those two worlds!

Queen Bleebora: What do you say to that, Astronaut Jones?

Astronaut Jones: Why don’t you pop out that spacesuit, and let me see those two big, gray space titties!

Cadet Nelly: Show me the boobies!

[ Queen Bleebora looks at the camera in shock ]

I’m taking a rocket.
I’m packing my suitcase
Hey, look out, Moon!”

Announcer: “Astronaut Jones”, written by Tracy Morgan. Directed by Tracy Morgan. Hair and Make-up by Tracy Morgan. Produced by Tracy Morgan and Melvin Goldfarb. This has been a Morgan/Goldfarb Production.

Voice: You like?

Astronaut Jones V/O: You’re lookin’ up, money!

[ fade ]

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