Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 28: Episode 6
Astronaut Jones
Astronaut Jones…..Tracy Morgan
Cadet Nelly…..Nelly
Cadet Garrett…..Garrett Morris
Queen Bleebora…..Brittany Murphy
Astronaut Jones: [ speaking into space phone ] Come in, Earth! My crew and I are deep in the caves of the planet Zorgon. We are completely alone! I don’t think there are any space monsters or aliens.
[ suddenly, the two space rocks come to life, towering over astronaut Jones and his crew ]Astronaut Jones: Uh-oh! I might have been wrong about that!
Jingle:
“Rocket
I’m taking a rocket.
I’m packing my suitcase
Hey, look out, Moon!
Yeah, a rocket
into outer space.
Goodbye, human race
I’ll be there soon.
Blast off!
For fun and adventure.
There’s a fair adventure
collecting stones.
Yeah, it’s my way
on the ol’ space highway.
That’s why they all say
“There goes Astronaut Jones!”
Hey!”
Announcer: “Astronuat Jones”! In “Attack of the Zorgons”. With special guests: Nelly and Garrett Morris.
[ dissolve back to scene ]Astronaut Jones: I can’t talk, Earth! I have to fight the Zorgons. Cadet Nelly, hold my space phone!
Cadet Nelly: I will hold your phone.
Cadet Garrett: Look out, Astronaut Jones!
[ the rock creatures come forward and take their grip on Astronaut Jones ] [ Queen Bleeblora enters scene, taking full command ]Queen Bleebora: Release that man! Let go of the Earthling! [ Astronaut Jones is released ] I apologize for these two Zargons.
[ Astronaut Jones and his crew stare laciviously at Queen Bleebora ]Astronaut Jones: Ah, it ain’t nothing..
Cadet Nelly: Yeah, it’s no big deal..
Queen Bleebora: The men on Zargon..
Astronaut Jones: Mmm.
Cadet Garrett: Mmm.
Queen Bleebora: ..are warlike.
Astronaut Jones: Right.
Cadet Nelly: That’s true.
Queen Bleebora: I am Bleebora..
Astronaut Jones: Mmm-hmm..
Cadet Nelly: Yes, you are, baby.
Queen Bleebora: ..the Queen of the Zorgons.
Astronaut Jones: God bless your soul!
Queen Bleebora: We have been monitoring your time here on Zargon..
Astronaut Jones: Thank you, Jesus!
Queen Bleebora: And we understand..
Cadet Nelly: Right!
Queen Bleebora: ..that you are a peaceful race.
Cadet Garrett: A 44 double-D!
Astronaut Jones: Mmm-hmm!
Queen Bleebora: We, too, are peace-loving.
Astronaut Jones: Sweet, like bear meat!
Cadet Garrett: You are a piece!
Cadet Nelly: Yes, indeed!
Queen Bleebora: Zargon is rich..
Astronaut Jones: Oooohh, you see that, Cadet Nelly?
Cadet Nelly: Oh, my!
Queen Bleebora: ..in minerals..
Astronaut Jones: Jump on it!
Queen Bleebora: ..and valuable in gemstones..
Cadet Nelly: Uh-huh!
Queen Bleebora: ..that could be of great use to your people.
Astronaut Jones: Serious blockbuster!
Queen Bleebora: And your planet Earth..
Astronaut Jones: Oughtta bust a block, too!
Queen Bleebora: ..has an abundance of sand..
Astronaut Jones: Right.
Queen Bleebora: ..which you need to live..
Cadet Nelly: Mmm!
Astronaut Jones: Mmm-hmm.
Queen Bleebora: I believe our two worlds could share and learn from each other.
Astronaut Jones: Dig it!
Cadet Nelly: Love those two worlds!
Queen Bleebora: What do you say to that, Astronaut Jones?
Astronaut Jones: Why don’t you pop out that spacesuit, and let me see those two big, gray space titties!
Cadet Nelly: Show me the boobies!
[ Queen Bleebora looks at the camera in shock ]Jingle:
“Rocket
I’m taking a rocket.
I’m packing my suitcase
Hey, look out, Moon!”
Announcer: “Astronaut Jones”, written by Tracy Morgan. Directed by Tracy Morgan. Hair and Make-up by Tracy Morgan. Produced by Tracy Morgan and Melvin Goldfarb. This has been a Morgan/Goldfarb Production.
Voice: You like?
Astronaut Jones V/O: You’re lookin’ up, money!
[ fade ]