SNL Transcripts: Robert De Niro: 12/07/02


Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:

December 7th, 2002

Robert De Niro

Norah Jones

Harvey Kietel

  • Homeland Security Briefing

    Magenta threat level issued due to lewdly-named terrorist suspects.

    Recurring Characters: Tom Ridge.

  • Robert De Niro’s Monologue

    De Niro compares his experiences doing dramas and comedies.

  • McDonald’s Big N’ Tasty

    Excessive Big ‘N Tasty warnings for clueless fatties.

  • Thomas Jefferson Meets Sally Hemings

    Thomas Jefferon (De Niro) falls for slave Sally Hemings (Maya Rudolph).

  • Peter Pan Rehearsal

    Veteran actor (De Niro) annoys cast by handling production his way.

  • Santa Claus

    Working as Santa Claus, actor (De Niro) argues with wife (Maya Rudolph) playing elf.

  • U.N. Weapons Inspectors

    Weapons inspectors (De Niro, Jimmy Fallon) prove ineffective and gullible.

  • Judge Horace

    Judge Horace (Tracy Morgan) presides over fatty case with jive dialect.

  • Norah Jones performs “Don’t Know Why”

  • Weekend Update with Jimmy Fallon & Tina Fey

    Whitney Houston (Maya Rudolph) & Bobby Brown (Tracy Morgan) visit the Update desk.

    Sylvia (Rachel Dratch) & Marty Feinblatt (Chris Kattan) on their ill-fated Disney cruise.

  • A Very Versace Chanukah

    Celebrities visit Donatella Versace’s (Maya Rudolph) Chanukah celebration.

    Recurring Characters: Donatella Versace, Ozzy Osbourne, Sharon Osbourne.

  • Used Car Salesman

    Used car salesman (De Niro) uses violence to make the hard sell.

  • Bedtime Story

    Leslie’s (Chris Kattan) dad (De Niro) tells horrifying story about his mother.

  • Norah Jones performs “Come Away With Me”

  • Channel 5 Late Night Movie

    General (De Niro) has bad ideas for stopping radioactive bear.

  • Goodnights

    SNL Transcripts

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    Author: Don Roy King

    Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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