McDonald’s Big N’ Tasty
Announcer: McDonald’s new Big N’ Tasty! It’s what you crave! The Big N’ Tasty is a juicy quarter-pound all-beef patty, served with crisp lettuce and tomato on a sesame seed bun!
Jive Voice: Can you taste it?
Announcer: Mmm-hmm! Big and tasty!
Voiceover: In response to pending legal action, the McDonald’s Corporation would like to present the following statement:
[ statements over SUPER ]
“The Big N’ Tasty Sandwich is food.”
“Scientific studies suggest that excessive consumption of food may cause weight gain. In other words, if you stuff your greasy pie hole non-stop, youre probably going to pork up.”
“The McDonald’s Corporation had previously believed that this was obvious to all but very small children and morons. Since children and morons are valued customers of McDonald’s Corporation, we would like to point out other potential risks that could be associated with the Big N’ Tasty.”
“The Big N’ Tasty is intended to be eaten. Complications may arise from shoving the Big N’ Tasty up your nose. Dropping the Big N’ Tasty from extremely tall buildings may cause the Big N’ Tasty to achieve sufficient terminal velocity, to injure innocent people below.”
“The Big N’ Tasty should not be used as an artificial heart.”
“The McDonald’s Corporation seriously doubts anyone would try this, but, hey, if you didn’t know gorging yourself on hamburgers might turn you fatass, then anything’s possible.”
“According to United States Law, the Big N’ Tasty cannot perform the duties of a Legal Guardian. If you were to go into McDonald’s and say, “Hey, Big N’ Tasty, take care of my kids while I run some errands,” you may face legal action.”
“Theoretically, the Big N’ Tasty could be mistaken for a weapon during a police stand-off.”
“Marriage ceremonies officiated by the Big N’ Tasty are not recognized in any of the contiguous 48 states.”
“The Big N Tasty is not God.”
“For questions about any additional use of the Big N’ Tasty – other than eating, please consult our web site.”
Announcer: Come on! It’s big, it’s tast,y and it’s waiting for you at McDonald’s!
Voiceover: For the small children or morons, McDonald’s is the red and yellow restaurant on the highway. Remember to bring money.
Jive Voice: Big N’ Tasty!