SNL Transcripts: Jeff Gordon: 01/11/03


Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:

January 11th, 2003

Jeff Gordon

Avril Lavigne


  • A Message From Kim Jong Il

    Kim Jong Il (Horatio Sanz) warns United States to leave him alone.

  • Jeff Gordon’s Monologue

    NASCAR wanna-be fans (Chris Parnell, Rachel Dratch) act rowdy for Gordon.

  • Joe Hetero

    Joe (Seth Meyers) keeps his sexuality hidden from female admirers.

  • Brian Fellow’s Safari Planet

    Brian Fellow (Tracy Morgan) think snake has arms hidden behind his back.

    Recurring Characters: Brian Fellow.

  • Access Hollywood

    Diana Ross (Maya Rudolph) is apprehended for driving under the influence.

  • Joe Caucasian

    Joe (Tracy Morgan) keeps his skin color hidden from female admirers.

  • Career Day

    Carpet salesman (Seth Meyers) can’t compete with fighter pilot (Gordon).

  • Star Dates

    Single woman (Rachel Dratch) paired with rowdy Gary Busey (Jeff Richards) on date.

  • Joe Not-A-Rapist

    Joe (Chris Parnell) keeps his sexual cravings hidden from female admirers.

  • Avril Lavigne performs “I’m With You”

  • Weekend Update with Jimmy Fallon & Tina Fey

    Rael (Chris Kattan) introduces first cloned human Baby Eve (Rachel Dratch).

    Jimmy Fallon mentally praises himself for Grammy nomination.

    Gay Hitler (Chris Kattan) has gone Hollywood on Jimmy and Tina.

  • Gary’s Fish Tanks

    Fish tank repairmen (Horatio Sanz, Jimmy Fallon) kill fish while cracking up.

  • Charlie Rose

    Charlie Rose (Jeff Richards) mixes Donald Rumsfeld (Darrell Hammond) for Cheney.

  • Joe Dude

    Joe (Tina Fey) keeps her gender hidden from female admirers.

  • Avril Lavigne performs “Complicated”

  • The Terrye Funck Show

    Terrye Funck (Chris Parnell) and cameraman cousin (Gordon) in mom’s basement.

  • Stripper Pole

    In-house stripper pole can liven up any dull party.

  • Goodnights

    SNL Transcripts

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    Author: Don Roy King

    Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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