SNL Transcripts: Jennifer Garner: 02/15/03

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February 15th, 2003

Jennifer Garner



  • A Message From The President of the United States

    President Bush (Chris Parnell) has lost interest in disarming Iraq.

    Recurring Characters: President George W. Bush.

  • Jennifer Garner’s Monologue

    Garner sings “My Funny Valentine” to would-be suitors among male cast members.

  • Clappin’

    On-stage dance craze of clappin’ receives positive audience response.

  • When The Lights Come Up

    Man’s (Jimmy Fallon) date (Garner) looks more pleasing in the dark.

  • Wake Up Wakefield

    Sheldon (Rachel Dratch) receives a surprise at after school Valentine’s Dance.

    Recurring Characters: Megan, Sheldon, Mr. Banglion.

  • Saddam calls Osama

    Saddam Hussein (Horatio Hanz) calls Osama bin Laden (Jimmy Fallon) and rambles.

    Recurring Characters: Saddam Hussein, Osama bin Laden.

  • Invitation To Love

    Actress (Garner) is frustrated during scene with gayish male lead (Chris Kattan).

  • Siamese Twins

    Roommates (Jimmy Fallon, Chris Kattan) have date with twins (Garner, Rachel Dratch).

  • Weekend Update with Jimmy Fallon & Tina Fey

    Burt Bacharach (Jeff Richards) comments on Iraq with rhyming meters.

    Tracy Morgan’s Black History rant is interrupted by technical difficulties.

    Chris Parnell sings secret-agent rap ditty for Garner.

  • Beck performs “Lost Cause”

  • Michael Jackson In A Tree

    Liz Taylor (Rachel Dratch) tries to talk Jackson (Amy Poehler) down as UFO lands.

  • Beck performs “Guess I’m Doin’ Fine”

  • Wal-Mart Greeters

    Greeters (Garner, Amy Poehler) scare customers with descriptions of Wal-Mart’s size.

  • My Big Thick Novel

    Dead cells.

  • Goodnights

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