SNL Transcripts: Christopher Walken: 02/22/03: Christopher Walken’s Monologue


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 28: Episode 13

02m: Christopher Walken / Foo Fighters

Christopher Walken’s Monologue

…..Christopher Walken

Christopher Walken: Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

[ audience applauds wildly ]

You know.. this is..

[ audience seems unable to stop applauding; it’s Christopher Walken, after all ]

You know.. this is the part of the show.. where you can be.. yourself.. and do whatever you want. Hit it!

[ the SNL Band strikes up a tune behind Walken, as he sings and dances for the audience’s delight ] [singing, and dancing ]“I know why I waited
Know why I’ve been blue.
Prayed each night for someone
Exactly like you!

Why should we spend money
on a show or two?
No one does those love scenes
exactly like you!

Now, I know my mother
taught me to be true
She meant me for someone
exactly like you!”

[ stops singing, returns to his speech ]

You see.. we tried.. all week..

[ audience explodes with applause ]

All week, we tried to think of something to do at the top of the show, and couldn’t. Then, I thought.. I’ve done the show six times, just.. get it over with! I can do crazy mix-em-ups. Whatever I want! I can tap dance.

[ moves his feet rapidly, in an effort to keep up with the tap-dancing sound effects ]

And then I remembered.. what always works: Girls!!

[ Las Vegas-style showgirls surround Walken and dance, as he continues his song ]

“I know my mother
taught me to be true
She meant me for someone
exactly like you!”

[ to the showgirls ] Thank you, and you.. [ faces the audience ] We got a great show for you. Foo Fighters are here. So.. stick around.. we’ll be right back.

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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