SNL Transcripts: Christopher Walken: 02/22/03: Pranksters



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 28: Episode 13





02m: Christopher Walken / Foo Fighters

Pranksters

Zack Ricky…..Seth Meyers
Danny Einhorn…..Chris Kattan
Sister…..Maya Rudolph
Larry Hobson…..Christopher Walken
Phil…..Chris Parnell

Zack Ricky: Hey, everybody, it’s me, Zack Ricky! And you’re watching “Pranksters”!

[ cut to show jingle, which features a montage of Zack Ricky playing pranks: putting whoopie cushion under chair, setting up bucket of water over door jamb, etc. ]

Jingle:
When your back is turned
Here comes a prank!
You’re gonna get burned
Here comes a prank!

When the worm is turned
Your lesson will be learned!
You’re watching “Pranksters”!”

[ dissolve to zany show set ]

Zack Ricky: Welcome to “Pranksters!”

[ cue “Bo-i-i-i-inggg” sound effect ]

Zack Ricky: Yeah! We have another totally awseome episode for you today! Totally awesome if you’re cool, that is! If your some Stiffly Stifferson, who has a prank coming your way, you might not be as psyched! But enough chit-chat! Let’s bring out our first Prankster – Danny Einhorn!

[ cue fun-whistle siren sound effect ] [ Danny, in bleached blonde hair and baggy clothes, enters set ]

Danny Einhorn: Hey hey, what’s up!

Zack Ricky: Hey!

Danny Einhorn: It’s so great to be here! I love the show!

Zack Ricky: Well, it’s always great to meet another prankster! Tell us a little bit about your target!

[ cue bow-and-arrow sound effect, trumped by bullwhip crack sound effect ]

Zack Ricky: Great sound effects! Ted the Sound Effects guy!

Danny Einhorn: [ excited to tell his story ] Well! Some have called her a queen-sized Stiffly Stifferson, but I call her.. “my sister”!

[ cue foghorn sound effect ]

Danny Einhorn: [ giggles ]

Zack Ricky: Well, thanks to our patented Prankster Hidden Camera, we can see exactly what went down!

[ dissolve to Danny’s sister’s room, where he has entered and invaded during her absence; Danny holds a rubber rat up before the hidden camera ]

Danny Einhorn V/O: The thing about my sister is – she hates.. rats!

Zack Ricky V/O: Uh-oh! Look like Sis might be in some trouble!

Danny Einhorn V/O: Hah hah ha! You bet! It was Prom night.. so I was pretty sure Sis would be making a move for some jewelry.. ha ha! And, sure enough..

[ on video, Danny hides the rubber rat in Sister’s jewelry box, then hides in the closet; soon, Sister enters room ]

Zack Ricky V/O: Uh-oh! Look out, Sis!

Danny Einhorn: Ha ha! I know!

[ on video, Sister opens her jewelry box, discovering the rubber rat and reacting thusly ]

Sister (on video): Aaaggghhhhh!!!! Danny!!

[ on video, Danny come running out of the closet, as Sister comes after him; Danny gives the thumbs-up to the hidden camera, as the “Prank!” logo graphic covers the screen ] [ dissolve back to “Pranksters” studio ]

Zack Ricky V/O: Whammy, blammy, yowee-zowee! You’ve just been pranked!

[ cue bricks falling sound effect ]

Danny Einhorn: Got ‘er!! [ laughs ]

Zack Ricky: Thanks for stopping by, Danny! And, to all you sisters out there: Never yank a prankster!

[ cue “Bo-i-i-i-inggg” sound effect ]

Zack Ricky: Well, let’s bring out our next Prankster – Larry Hobson!

[ cue fun-whistle siren sound effect ] [ Larry, a grown man, enters set ]

Larry Hobson: Thanks, Zack! I’m a huge fan! I’m such a huge fan! Huge!

Zack Ricky: Thank you, Larry. You know, I’m gonna come right out and say it: you’re a lot older than most of our Pranksters.

Larry Hobson: Well.. I like to think all Pranksters are young at heart.

Zack Ricky: All right! Sounds good! Now, tell us about your target!

[ cue bow-and-arrow sound effect ]

Larry Hobson: This guy.. I’ll tell ya.. he was a Stiffy Stifferson like you wouldn’t believe, his name is Phil.. and he always takes my parking space at work.

Zack Ricky: [ speaking to the camera ] I’m getting the feeling you probably shouldn’t have done that, Phil!

Larry Hobson: [ trying to stifle his laughter ] I think.. he probably.. agrees with you, now! [ laughs ] [ cue foghorn sound effect ]

Zack Ricky: Well, let’s not waste any time! Prankster Hidden Camera, go!

[ dissolve to video of employee prking lot, as Larry enters frame by Phil’s car, smiles at the hidden camera, then hides behind Phil’s car ]

Larry Hobson V/O: Okay! This.. is from.. last Friday. I sneaked down early, and hid behind Phil’s car.

Zack Ricky V/O: Looks like you’d better brace yourself, Phil!

[ on video, Phil enters frame, grinning smugly as he fishes his keys from his pocket and opens the driver’s-side door ]

Larry Hobson V/O: Look.. how proud he looks with his parking spot!

Zack Ricky V/O: [ anticipating a great prank ] I can’t wait for him to get it!

[ on video, Larry jumps out from behind Phil’s car, and proceeds to smash Phil’s backside with a rusty tire iron, until Phil’s lifeless body slumps onto the pavement; still clutching the tire iron with his right hand, Larry jumps in front of the hidden camera and displays a victory thumbs-up with his left hand, as the “Prank!” logo graphic covers the screen ] [ dissolve back to “Pranksters” studio ]

Larry Hobson: [ laughing uproariously ]

Zack Ricky: [ stunned by the freakish turn of events ] Wha-wha-what happened?

Larry Hobson: I jumped out and pranked him! To death with a tire iron!

[ cue buggy horn sound effect ]

Zack Ricky: What?!

Larry Hobson: [ fighting the tears from laughing so hard ] Yeah! You shoulda seen the look.. on his face! Classic!

[ cue splatting sound effect ]

Zack Ricky: [ appalled ] Hold on.. I-I-I-I don’t understand..

Larry Hobson: What’s not to understand?! He was a Stiffly Stifferson.. so I stuck it to ‘im! Whammy!! Whammy, wowee, zowee! You just been.. pranked!

[ cue sound effect ]

Zack Ricky: Can we, uh.. can we cut the sound effects, Ted? Please?

Larry Hobson: He.. he had it coming, Zack! He yanked the Prankster! Right, Ted?

[ cue sound effect ]

Zack Ricky: Ted, I’m serious! Cut off the sound effects! Larry, is this some sort of prank you’re playing on me?

Larry Hobson: [ flabbergasted ] Prank you?! Why, I-I-I-I’d never prank you.. you’re my hero!

[ cue sound effect ]

Zack Ricky: [ annoyed ] Ted! Come on! now, a man has died here!

[ cue descending trombone sound effect ]

Larry Hobson: You’re being a Stiffly Stifferson, Zack..

Zack Ricky: No! No, no, no, no, no! I’m not being one..

Larry Hobson: Good. Because I hate Stiffly Stiffersons. I wanna prank them for hours.. in my basement.

Zack Ricky: Well, then.. obviously.. this has been a particularly sad episode of “Pranksters”..

[ cue descending trombone sound effect ]

Zack Ricky: [ more annoyed ] Ted, you and I are gonna have to have a conversation, alright?! [ glumly, to the camera ] So.. we’ll see you next week.. on “Pranskters”.

[ fade to black ]

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

avatar
  Subscribe  
Notify of