Queen Latifah’s Monologue


02n: Queen Latifah / Ms. Dynamite

Queen Latifah’s Monologue

…..Queen Latifah
Sebastian…..Horatio Sanz
Sagamour…..Seth Meyers
The Royal Duchess of the Latifah Highlands…..Maya Rudolph
Sir Mix-A-Lot…..Tracy Morgan


Queen Latifah: Yes! Thank you! Thank you very, very much! Oh, my God! It has been a crazy.. [ audience won’t stop clapping ] Alright. [ applause finally calms down ] I’ll tell you, it has been a crazy few months, yo! My movie “Bringing Down The House” out, it’s doing great! I did this movie “Chicago”, I got nominated for an Oscar! [ audience breaks into wild applause ] And it is great to be here in New York, but I want make sure I give it up to my peeples over in the illtown You know what I’m sayin’? You gotta remember where you come from!

[ Shakespearean-like performers step forward and blow a trumpet fanfare ]

Wha..?

Sebastian: Queen Latifah! We have

Queen Latifah: [ in heavy British accent ] Oh, my God! Sebastian! Sagamour! Now is not a good time!

Sagamour: The Kingdom of Latifah is in peril! Hordes of marauders are attacking our borders!

Queen Latifah: Oh, heavy hangs the head that wears the crown of the Kingdom of Latifah. Who dares attack the Latifians?!

Sebastian: There are new threats from old enemies. And the townspeople of Nellyville are living in constant fer!

Queen Latifah: Do you mean “fear”?

Sebastian: They say fer!

Sagamour: Meanwhile, there’s a wizardice named Missy Elliot – she speaks in tongues!

Queen Latifah: Tongues?

Sagamour: She keeps chanting.. “Bremenemin Nerhur! Bremenemin Nerhur!”

Sebastian: On our northern borders, the armies have Cool J have returned to harass the Latifians!

Sagamour: We never thought the House of Cool J would come back!

Queen Latifah: Don’t call it a “comeback”! He’s been there for years! And what of the Latifian army?! Have you contacted the Fresh Prince?

Sebastian: Yes! But, sadly, we’ve only heard back from DJ Jazzy Jeff. He calls a lot. I mean – a lot.

The Royal Duchess of the Latifah Highlands: Your Highness!

Queen Latifah: My goodness.. it is my sister, the Royal Duchess of the Latifah Highlands.

The Royal Duchess of the Latifah Highlands: Please.. call me Cad Tlakwa. Your kingdom needs you. I don’t understand what you have to gain by dwelling amongst.. the commoners.

Queen Latifah: I’m the ambassador from the Latifians to the rest of the world! That is why I became the First Lady of Hip Hop.

The Royal Duchess of the Latifah Highlands: True.

Queen Latifah: And, that’s why I did a show entitled.. “Living Single”.

The Royal Duchess of the Latifah Highlands: Ohhhhh! That was you?! That show was funny! Yeah! Tootie grew up cute, too!

Queen Latifah: [ laughs ] Didn’t she, though! And that’s why I’m going to the Oscars!

The Royal Duchess of the Latifah Highlands: Baby girrrrl!! Who you sittin’ next to?

Queen Latifah: Girl, Daniel Day-Lewis!

The Royal Duchess of the Latifah Highlands: Mmm! Mmm! Love me that white sugar!

[ Sir Mix-A-Lot, actually dressed as a knight in armor, makes his entrance ]

Sir Mix-A-Lot: Yo, Queen! The enemy has been defeated!

Queen Latifah: What?! What great news, Sir Mix-A-Lot!

Sir Mix-A-Lot: Yeah, that’s good, but it took me a fortnight to get here on my Stallion Escalade! Got pulled over six times – a black man can’t own a white horse in this town!

Queen Latifah: Oh, dear.. how can I ever repay you, Sir Mix-A-Lot?

Sir Mix-A-Lot: I cannot lie. I like big butts! [ singing ] “I like big butts, and I cannot lie!

Queen Latifah: Okay! Okay, Tracy, we get it! Okay, we got a great show for you tonight! Ms. Dynamite is here! Yeah! so, stick around, we’ll be right back!

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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