Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 28: Episode 19
May 10th, 2003
American IdolSummary: Ryan Seacrest (Jimmy Fallon) repeatedly cuts away to commercial instead of announcing the big winner.
Recurring Characters: Ryan Seacrest, Simon Cowell, Paula Abdul, Randy Jackson
Adrien Brody’s MonologueSummary: Adrien Brody kisses women in the audienc and, thanks his mom, Sylvia Plachy.
Bio: Photographer Sylvia Plachy (1943-) has had portraits and photo essays published in The Village Voice, The New Yorker, and other art periodicals.
Mom JeansSummary: The shapely fit that says you’re a mom, not a woman.
Brian Fellow’s Safari PlanetSummary: Brian Fellow (Tracy Morgan) fears that a hairless cat will shave his head.
Recurring Characters: Brian Fellow.
Self-Involved GUySummary: A self-obsessed man (Chris Kattan) creeps out his date (Rachel Dratch).
Live With Regis & KellySummary: Wild, Wild Trivia winner Pete Sokolov (Adrien Brody) has barely survived his dangerous prize vacation.
Recurring Characters: Regis Philbin, Kelly Ripa, Gelman.
TV FunhouseSummary: In Rob Smigel’s spoof of Middle Eastern cartoons, Osama bin Laden and Saddam Hussein are sneaky partners in crime.
Sean Paul performs “Get Busy”
Weekend Update with Jimmy Fallon & Tina FeySummary: Qrplt*xk (Rachel Dratch) is a creepy “X-Men 2” reject. Elton John (Horatio Sanz) sings his lyrics for a musical about the Vampire Lestat.
Recurring Characters: Qrplt*xk, Elton John.
LensmastersSummary: Rude employees Sebastian (Adrien Brody) and Roland (Chris Kattan) show their offbeat glasses creations to a woman (Amy Poehler).
Dance ClassSummary: Adult students take dance lessons.
Recurring Characters: Gabe Fisher, Ruth Weinstock, A.J., Vasquez Gomez-Vasquez.
Wayne Wonder performs “No Letting Go”
Velvet ProductionsSummary: The homoerotic pornographic film review board members can’t think of a unique title for their version of “The Pianist.”