SNL Transcripts: Adrien Brody: 05/10/03: Brian Fellow’s Safari Planet
Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 28: Episode 19
Brian Fellow’s Safari Planet
Brian Fellows…..Tracy Morgan
Sean Buckley…..Adrien Brody
Fred Clark…..Chris Kattan
(Theme music plays)
Jingle: “He loves animals and they love him back. Interspecies friends, we ain’t kidding mac. Brian fellows safari planet, Brian Fellows safari Planet.”
Voiceover: Brian Fellow is not an accredited zoologist, nor does he hold an advanced degree in any of the environmental sciences. He is simply an enthusiastic young man with a 6th grade education and an abiding love for all God’s creatures. Share his love on BRIAN FELLOW, BRIAN FELLOW, BRIAN FELLOWS SAFARI PLANET
Brian Fellow: Good evening! And welcome to Brian Fellows Safari Planet. I’m Brian Fellow! Tonight were gonna meet some animals that are very weird. And that scares me! But it also excites me. So lets get going! Our first guest likes to take naps and lick himself. Please welcome a kitty cat!
(Sean Buckley walks in holding a hairless cat)
Brian Fellow: and who are you?
Sean Buckley: HI! I’m Sean Buckley, from the San Antonio Feline Society or SAFS.
Brian Fellow: I’m Brian Fellow!
Sean Buckley: hello Brian, I’d like you to meet Shiba.
Brian Fellow: What did you do to that cat? He’s bald-headed! Haha
Sean Buckley: well actually, it’s a special breed of cats that’s hairless.
Brian Fellow: That’s Crazy!
Sean Buckley: well yes he is very unusual looking, yes.
Brian Fellow: he makes me laugh cause he looks like an old guy in a hospital!
Sean Buckley: well I don’t know why that would make you laugh, but Shiba is a very special breed called a Sphinx.
Brian Fellow: If I was that cat, I would wear a wig or something.
Sean Buckley: I don’t think he minds being hairless —
Brian Fellow: well whatever you do don’t take that cat to a baseball game.
Sean Buckley: I wasn’t planning on it.
Brian Fellow: well don’t. cause when the mascot goes up into the stands, they always make fun of the bald guys.
Sean Buckley: Ok thanks for the advice —
Brian Fellow: they would probably polish his head or give him a toupee made of silly string.
Sean Buckley: ok well these are hairless cats and there very popular with cat fanciers, who love cats but are sometimes allergic to the fur.
Brian Fellow: That’s what cats look like under their fur?
Sean Buckley: basically yes.
Brian Fellow: That’s creepy! Cats have been lying to us all these years? I don’t think I like cats anymore!
Sean Buckley: don’t say that! Cats makes really great pets.
Brian Fellow: cats are all fluffy on the outside but underneath they look like martians! That’s it! Take him away!
Sean Buckley: Don’t listen to him Shiba.
Brian Fellow: get that deceitful beast out of here! Our next guest likes to fly around and eat cereal, please welcome a toucan!
(Chris Kattan comes in holding a bird cage with a toucan inside)
Brian Fellow: And who are you?
Fred Clark: I’m Fred Clark from the Norfolk Bird-a-rama in Virginia.
Brian Fellow: Hello Virginia. And yes there is a santa clause you must get that a lot.
Fred Clark: actually I don’t, because my name is not Virginia its Fred.
Brian Fellow: I’m Brian Fellow!
Fred Clark: Hello Brian. I’d like you to meet Ursula. Ursula is a keel-billed toucan and his long beak gives him a very distinct look.
Brian Fellow: He’s got crazy pigeon eyes!
Fred Clark: well most people usually notice his huge yellow, green and black bill
Brian Fellow: he can have any color he wants but those black beady eyes give him away! He’s mean!
Fred Clark: toucans are actually very friendly birds
Brian Fellow: I was attacked by a pigeon once.
Fred Clark: I’m sorry
Brian Fellow: that’s Ok, I was asking for it
Fred Clark: well I don’t think you have to worry about being attacked by these birds, because toucans mainly live in the forests of Puerto Rico
Brian Fellow: Why do Puerto Ricans love birds so much?
Fred Clark: I didn’t know that they did
Brian Fellow: They do! There always naming them. If my friend Angel was here, he’d probably name that bird Charles. I don’t know why that’s funny! But its funny!
Fred Clark: ok
Brian Fellow: no offense if your name is Charles, Virginia!
Fred Clark: its not, my name is Fred and again the bird is named UrsulaBrian Fellow: so tell us about that birds beak, it looks strong! Is that to allow it to feed on a variety of tropical fruits while also presenting a display of vibrant colors for potential mates?
Fred Clark: yea that is exactly right! The toucans bill is amazingly dextrous….
(a thought bubble appears over Brian’s head and it shows the hairless cat in it)
Cat: you made fun of me for being bald, well now I’m gonna take your hair! (the cat points a razor at Brian)
Brian Fellow: YOU WILL NOT SHAVE ME!
Fred Clark: I wasn’t planning on it
Brian Fellow: I was talking to that bald headed cat.
Fred Clark: of course you were
(the cat comes back in the thought bubble, this time showing the cat shaving Brian’s head)
Cat: hahaha have fun at the baseball game Brian Fellow!
Brian Fellow: No! was it all a dream? Or was it? I was cause I’m not bald headed
Fred Clark: I think I should go —
Brian Fellow: That’s the show for today, join me next time when my guests will be a jack rabbit and a tapeworm! That’s sounds Crazy. I’m Brian Fellow!
Theme music: “Brian Fellow Brian Fellow’s Safari Planet!”
Submitted by: Jenna