SNL Transcripts: Dan Aykroyd: 05/17/03


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 28: Episode 20

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Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:


May 17th, 2003

Dan Aykroyd



Jim Belushi

Kip King

John Goodman

HardballSummary: Chris Matthews (Darrell Hammond) mocks potential Democratic nominees.

Recurring Characters: Chris Matthews, Andrew Card, Al Sharpton.



Dan Aykroyd’s MonologueSummary: Dan Aykroyd and Jim Belushi perform their rendition of “Time Won’t Let Me.”


Top O’ The Morning To YouSummary: William Fitzpatrick’s (Seth Meyers) dad, Patrick Fitzpatrick (Dan Aykroyd), lets his other 22 kids run amok on the set.

Recurring Characters: Patrick Fitzwilliams, William Fitzpatrick.


Rialto GrandeSummary: Buddy Mills (Chris Kattan) shows off his son, Jerome (Kip King), and reunites with comedian Donnie “The Finger” Gabisky (Dan Aykroyd).

Recurring Characters: Rodney “The Zipper” Calzoun, Buddy Mills, Mackey, cocktail waitresses.

The FalconerSummary: Donald hangs out with a gang of bikers while Falconer Ken Mortimer (Will Forte) sinks in quicksand.


TV FunhouseSummary: In a Robert Smigel cartoon, Ben Affleck buys “Cokee, the Most Expensive Dog in the World” as a present for J-Lo.


Donatella Versace Backyard BarbequeSummary: Donatella Versace (Maya Rudolph) welcomes guests to her backyard barbecue.

Recurring Characters: Donatella Versace, Anna Nicole Smith, David Letterman.

Beyonce & Jay-Z performs “Crazy In Love”

Weekend Update with Jimmy Fallon & Tina FeySummary: Drunk Girl (Jeff Richards) gets a tan while laying across the Weekend Update desk. Chris Kattan performs a terrible re-eneactment of his recurring characters.

Recurring Characters: Drunk Girl.


Astronaut JonesSummary: Astronaut Jones (Tracy Morgan) and his Chief Science Officer (Dan Aykroyd) encounter a sexy alien (Maya Rudolph) on Venus.

Recurring Characters: Astronaut Jones.


La Cuisina CaninaSummary: Dogs enjoy the ambience of a stylish restaurant.


Beyonce performs “Dangerously In Love”

Dr. Deacon’s Haunch Crack PowderSummary: The trusted voice of Sam Elliot (Dan Aykroyd) makes even butt powder desirable.



Dress Rehearsal Cuts

106 & Park Top 10 LiveSummary: Tiny rapper Baby K (Jeff Richards) tells A.J. (Dean Edwards) his upcoming duet with Christina Aguilera (Maya Rudolph).

Recurring Characters: A.J., Baby K, Christina Aguilera.

The Leather ManRecurring Characters: The Leather Man, Choo Choo.

Fred Garvin Male Prostitute

My Big Thick Novel

Summer’s Greetings From Saturday Night LiveSummary: One final version of the happy Christmas ditty performed by Horatio Sanz, Jimmy Fallon, Chris Kattan, and Tracy Morgan.

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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