May 17th, 2003
HardballSummary: Chris Matthews (Darrell Hammond) mocks potential Democratic nominees.
Recurring Characters: Chris Matthews, Andrew Card, Al Sharpton.
Dan Aykroyd’s MonologueSummary: Dan Aykroyd and Jim Belushi perform their rendition of “Time Won’t Let Me.”
Top O’ The Morning To YouSummary: William Fitzpatrick’s (Seth Meyers) dad, Patrick Fitzpatrick (Dan Aykroyd), lets his other 22 kids run amok on the set.
Recurring Characters: Patrick Fitzwilliams, William Fitzpatrick.
Rialto GrandeSummary: Buddy Mills (Chris Kattan) shows off his son, Jerome (Kip King), and reunites with comedian Donnie “The Finger” Gabisky (Dan Aykroyd).
Recurring Characters: Rodney “The Zipper” Calzoun, Buddy Mills, Mackey, cocktail waitresses.
The FalconerSummary: Donald hangs out with a gang of bikers while Falconer Ken Mortimer (Will Forte) sinks in quicksand.
TV FunhouseSummary: In a Robert Smigel cartoon, Ben Affleck buys “Cokee, the Most Expensive Dog in the World” as a present for J-Lo.
Donatella Versace Backyard BarbequeSummary: Donatella Versace (Maya Rudolph) welcomes guests to her backyard barbecue.
Recurring Characters: Donatella Versace, Anna Nicole Smith, David Letterman.
Beyonce & Jay-Z performs “Crazy In Love”
Weekend Update with Jimmy Fallon & Tina FeySummary: Drunk Girl (Jeff Richards) gets a tan while laying across the Weekend Update desk. Chris Kattan performs a terrible re-eneactment of his recurring characters.
Recurring Characters: Drunk Girl.
Astronaut JonesSummary: Astronaut Jones (Tracy Morgan) and his Chief Science Officer (Dan Aykroyd) encounter a sexy alien (Maya Rudolph) on Venus.
Recurring Characters: Astronaut Jones.
La Cuisina CaninaSummary: Dogs enjoy the ambience of a stylish restaurant.
Beyonce performs “Dangerously In Love”
Dr. Deacon’s Haunch Crack PowderSummary: The trusted voice of Sam Elliot (Dan Aykroyd) makes even butt powder desirable.
Dress Rehearsal Cuts
106 & Park Top 10 LiveSummary: Tiny rapper Baby K (Jeff Richards) tells A.J. (Dean Edwards) his upcoming duet with Christina Aguilera (Maya Rudolph).
Recurring Characters: A.J., Baby K, Christina Aguilera.
The Leather ManRecurring Characters: The Leather Man, Choo Choo.
Fred Garvin Male Prostitute
My Big Thick Novel
Summer’s Greetings From Saturday Night LiveSummary: One final version of the happy Christmas ditty performed by Horatio Sanz, Jimmy Fallon, Chris Kattan, and Tracy Morgan.