SNL Transcripts: Justin Timberlake: 10/11/03: Direct TV

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 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 29: Episode 2



03b: Justin Timberlake

Direct TV

Gary Busey…..Jeff Richards

[ open on Gary Busey, reading a letter from a Direct TV subscriber ]

Gary Busey: “Dear Direct TV: I’ve been a subscriber of your service for 38 days, and I’m writing to tell you–“

[ stops reading ]

Hold on a second, can I just say something here? As me, Gary Busey? I agree with this guy – Direct TV, you are great! My attention is so rapt with your sheer volume of boobie channels, that now.. the only time I have to leave the house is to go to the ATM and/or the emergency room!

There’s so many boobie channels, that I often find myself running from room to room! My pants around my ankles! It’s a gas! Sometimes, I put two TVs, side by side.. and then I can see four boobies at once!

One time, I fell asleep in a satellite dish, woke up with this hellacious sunburn and the ability to smell colors! [ sniffs ] “Direct TV.. blahbity, blah blah blah.. [ farts ] Here’s a little piece of trivia for you – my farts.. smell like butterscotch. It’s not a joke – they either smell like butt or Scotch.

[ finishes reading letter ]

“Signed.. Thomas Jacob, Direct TV subscriber.”

[ looks offscreen ] Was that alright? Did you get it all, hombres? Hey, come on, don’t be mad! I’m just trying to spice this stinkburger up a little bit!

[ cut to Direct TV logo ]

Announcer: Become a Direct TV fan, for just $39.99 a month.

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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