SNL Transcripts: Justin Timberlake: 10/11/03: Direct TV

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 29: Episode 2

03b: Justin Timberlake

Direct TV

Gary Busey…..Jeff Richards

[ open on Gary Busey, reading a letter from a Direct TV subscriber ]

Gary Busey: “Dear Direct TV: I’ve been a subscriber of your service for 38 days, and I’m writing to tell you–“

[ stops reading ]

Hold on a second, can I just say something here? As me, Gary Busey? I agree with this guy – Direct TV, you are great! My attention is so rapt with your sheer volume of boobie channels, that now.. the only time I have to leave the house is to go to the ATM and/or the emergency room!

There’s so many boobie channels, that I often find myself running from room to room! My pants around my ankles! It’s a gas! Sometimes, I put two TVs, side by side.. and then I can see four boobies at once!

One time, I fell asleep in a satellite dish, woke up with this hellacious sunburn and the ability to smell colors! [ sniffs ] “Direct TV.. blahbity, blah blah blah.. [ farts ] Here’s a little piece of trivia for you – my farts.. smell like butterscotch. It’s not a joke – they either smell like butt or Scotch.

[ finishes reading letter ]

“Signed.. Thomas Jacob, Direct TV subscriber.”

[ looks offscreen ] Was that alright? Did you get it all, hombres? Hey, come on, don’t be mad! I’m just trying to spice this stinkburger up a little bit!

[ cut to Direct TV logo ]

Announcer: Become a Direct TV fan, for just $39.99 a month.

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