SNL Transcripts: Justin Timberlake: 10/11/03: Punk’d

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 29: Episode 2

03b: Justin Timberlake


Ashton Kutcher…..Justin Timberlake
Lawyer…..Chris Parnell
Fred Durst…..Jeff Richards
Mugger #1…..Kenan Thompson
Mugger #2…..Horatio Sanz
Christina Aguilera…..Maya Rudolph
50 Cent…..Finesse Mitchell
Dax…..Will Forte

Ashton Kutcher(VO): You watched the “Real World – You Never Saw: Las Vegas.” You seen Jackass Steve-o “Don’t Try This at Home.” Now MTV drops a special edition DVD of their newest hit show “Punk’d: Barely Legal,” starring me, Ashton Kutcher. I’m awesome! [appears] Here’s the deal, I’m Ashton Kutcher. I’m awesome! We’re showing you all the pranks we weren’t allowed to put on MTV but now we can, because my lawyer found a loophole. Ain’t that right, man?

Lawyer: Well it’s not really a loophole. What you’re doing is actually very illegal, Ashton

Ashton Kutcher: Call me Kooch [pushes him out of the frame] Check out when we punk Fred Durst!

[Fred comes out of a backstage door, 2 muggers with guns approach him]

Mugger #1: Hey Fred Durst! Fred Durst!

Mugger #2: Gimme your wallet Fred Durst!

Fred Durst: Please don’t hurt me. Please don’t hurt my beautiful face. I’ll do anything. I’ll – I’ll touch you wiener. I’ll touch your —

Ashton Kutcher: [appears] What’s going on in here? Ha! Fred Durst you just got Punk’d. They didn’t even ask you to touch their wiener – you just offered it. I’m awesome!

[just him in the frame] Ha! What a wuss. Why am I so kick ass? Is it because I ‘m dating Demi Moore? Yeah, you know it. Ha! Here’s one you won’t see on t.v. Watch how we punk Christina Aguilera

Christina Aguilera: [in a recording studio]“I am beautiful, no matter what they say.
Yes words can’t bring me down.”

[dry heaves]

Oh my god. What’s wrong with me? I’ve been sick all mornin’.

Ashton Kutcher: [appears] You’re gonna be a mom!

Christina Aguilera: What?

Ashton Kutcher: You just got Punk’d! We switched out your birth control pills.

Christina Aguilera: Oh my God. You got me. You are so good.

Ashton Kutcher: I know I am. I’m Aston Kutcher. I’m awesome!

[just him in the frame] Hahaha! Hilarious as usual.

Lawyer: Really problematic. I don’t think you can release the DVD – [Ashton pushes him out of the frame]

Ashton Kutcher: My life is perfect! But sometimes the pranks aren’t. That’s when you gotta use the ole noodle. Like when we tried to punk 50 Cent. Watch Dax make him think there’s a monster in his room!

50 Cent: [in a bedroom, walks to the bathroom, jumps back and shuts the door] Yo, I’m not going in there. There’s a vampire in the bathtub.

[Dax comes out and 50 Cent shoots him repeatedly, finally throwing the empty gun at him]

Ashton Kutcher: [appears, laughing] Dude that’s awesome! You didn’t know that you were gonna kill somebody. And Dax didn’t even know he was gonna get killed. It’s a double punk!

[jumping on the bed]

I’m awesome! I’m Ashton Kutcher. I love Justin Timberlake [jumps out of the scene]

Ashton Kutcher (VO): “Punk’d: Barely Legal” available every place that’s awesome!

Submitted by: Catrina

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