SNL Transcripts: Justin Timberlake: 10/11/03: Punk’d


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 29: Episode 2

03b: Justin Timberlake


Ashton Kutcher…..Justin Timberlake
Lawyer…..Chris Parnell
Fred Durst…..Jeff Richards
Mugger #1…..Kenan Thompson
Mugger #2…..Horatio Sanz
Christina Aguilera…..Maya Rudolph
50 Cent…..Finesse Mitchell
Dax…..Will Forte

Ashton Kutcher(VO): You watched the “Real World – You Never Saw: Las Vegas.” You seen Jackass Steve-o “Don’t Try This at Home.” Now MTV drops a special edition DVD of their newest hit show “Punk’d: Barely Legal,” starring me, Ashton Kutcher. I’m awesome! [appears] Here’s the deal, I’m Ashton Kutcher. I’m awesome! We’re showing you all the pranks we weren’t allowed to put on MTV but now we can, because my lawyer found a loophole. Ain’t that right, man?

Lawyer: Well it’s not really a loophole. What you’re doing is actually very illegal, Ashton

Ashton Kutcher: Call me Kooch [pushes him out of the frame] Check out when we punk Fred Durst!

[Fred comes out of a backstage door, 2 muggers with guns approach him]

Mugger #1: Hey Fred Durst! Fred Durst!

Mugger #2: Gimme your wallet Fred Durst!

Fred Durst: Please don’t hurt me. Please don’t hurt my beautiful face. I’ll do anything. I’ll – I’ll touch you wiener. I’ll touch your —

Ashton Kutcher: [appears] What’s going on in here? Ha! Fred Durst you just got Punk’d. They didn’t even ask you to touch their wiener – you just offered it. I’m awesome!

[just him in the frame] Ha! What a wuss. Why am I so kick ass? Is it because I ‘m dating Demi Moore? Yeah, you know it. Ha! Here’s one you won’t see on t.v. Watch how we punk Christina Aguilera

Christina Aguilera: [in a recording studio]“I am beautiful, no matter what they say.
Yes words can’t bring me down.”

[dry heaves]

Oh my god. What’s wrong with me? I’ve been sick all mornin’.

Ashton Kutcher: [appears] You’re gonna be a mom!

Christina Aguilera: What?

Ashton Kutcher: You just got Punk’d! We switched out your birth control pills.

Christina Aguilera: Oh my God. You got me. You are so good.

Ashton Kutcher: I know I am. I’m Aston Kutcher. I’m awesome!

[just him in the frame] Hahaha! Hilarious as usual.

Lawyer: Really problematic. I don’t think you can release the DVD – [Ashton pushes him out of the frame]

Ashton Kutcher: My life is perfect! But sometimes the pranks aren’t. That’s when you gotta use the ole noodle. Like when we tried to punk 50 Cent. Watch Dax make him think there’s a monster in his room!

50 Cent: [in a bedroom, walks to the bathroom, jumps back and shuts the door] Yo, I’m not going in there. There’s a vampire in the bathtub.

[Dax comes out and 50 Cent shoots him repeatedly, finally throwing the empty gun at him]

Ashton Kutcher: [appears, laughing] Dude that’s awesome! You didn’t know that you were gonna kill somebody. And Dax didn’t even know he was gonna get killed. It’s a double punk!

[jumping on the bed]

I’m awesome! I’m Ashton Kutcher. I love Justin Timberlake [jumps out of the scene]

Ashton Kutcher (VO): “Punk’d: Barely Legal” available every place that’s awesome!

Submitted by: Catrina

SNL Transcripts

How useful was this post?

Click on a star to rate it!

Average rating 0 / 5. Vote count: 0

No votes so far! Be the first to rate this post.

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

Notify of
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x