SNL Transcripts: Halle Berry: 10/18/03: Gaystrogen


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 29: Episode 3

03c: Halle Berry / Britney Spears


Steven…..Chris Parnell
Russ…..Fred Armisen
Black Gay Guy…..Finesse Mitchell

[ open on gay man Steven sitting on couch typing on his laptop computer, a pair of tiny dogs by his side ]

Announcer: Have your tastes changed, for no apparent reason?

[ gay man Russ pushes the dogs off the couch, and sits ]

Steven: Look, Russ! I found a new place for us to get our turquoise!

Russ: [ annoyed ] Don’t we have enough turquoise already?

Announcer: Have you noticed a dramatic shift in your interests?

[ Steven is slicing vegetables in the kitchen, as Russ drifts past ]

Steven: Russ, I Tivoed “The Gilmore Girls”, and I waited to watch it with you.

[ Russ keeps on walking ]

Announcer: Have you noticed a loss of attention to detail?

[ Steven is working on a dollhouse ]

Steven: Russ, what color white should we do the trim – Candleabra.. Stucco.. or Rice?

Russ: [ annoyed ] White is white, Steven!

Steven: [ hurt ] Since when, Russ?! Since when?!

Announcer: If you’re over 45, and a gay male – you could be suffering from Queer Loss. Now there’s new Gaystrogen.

[ show Gaystrogen pills ] [ outline is male body is shown, as the pills work their way to the crotch area, setting the male outline into a dance motion with rainbow spirals eminating from the crotch ]

Announcer: Gaystrogen works with your body, to replenish your natural gayness and boost your fabu.

[ doorbell rings, as gay guests enter ]

Gay Guy: Hello, hello!

[ they all kiss their greetings ] [ Steven playfully lifts his arm behind his head to show off his turquoise bracelet ]

Black Gay Guy: [ excited ] Oh, my God! Where did you get this beautiful turquoise bracelet!

It was a surprise – from me!

[ Steven and Russ kiss ]

Announcer: Gaystrogen. And get back to your old self.

SNL Transcripts

How useful was this post?

Click on a star to rate it!

Average rating 0 / 5. Vote count: 0

No votes so far! Be the first to rate this post.

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

Notify of
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments