Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 29: Episode 3
Black Gay Guy…..Finesse Mitchell
[ open on gay man Steven sitting on couch typing on his laptop computer, a pair of tiny dogs by his side ]
Announcer: Have your tastes changed, for no apparent reason?[ gay man Russ pushes the dogs off the couch, and sits ]
Steven: Look, Russ! I found a new place for us to get our turquoise!
Russ: [ annoyed ] Don’t we have enough turquoise already?
Announcer: Have you noticed a dramatic shift in your interests?[ Steven is slicing vegetables in the kitchen, as Russ drifts past ]
Steven: Russ, I Tivoed “The Gilmore Girls”, and I waited to watch it with you.[ Russ keeps on walking ]
Announcer: Have you noticed a loss of attention to detail?[ Steven is working on a dollhouse ]
Steven: Russ, what color white should we do the trim – Candleabra.. Stucco.. or Rice?
Russ: [ annoyed ] White is white, Steven!
Steven: [ hurt ] Since when, Russ?! Since when?!
Announcer: If you’re over 45, and a gay male – you could be suffering from Queer Loss. Now there’s new Gaystrogen.[ show Gaystrogen pills ] [ outline is male body is shown, as the pills work their way to the crotch area, setting the male outline into a dance motion with rainbow spirals eminating from the crotch ]
Announcer: Gaystrogen works with your body, to replenish your natural gayness and boost your fabu.[ doorbell rings, as gay guests enter ]
Gay Guy: Hello, hello![ they all kiss their greetings ] [ Steven playfully lifts his arm behind his head to show off his turquoise bracelet ]
Black Gay Guy: [ excited ] Oh, my God! Where did you get this beautiful turquoise bracelet!
It was a surprise – from me![ Steven and Russ kiss ]
Announcer: Gaystrogen. And get back to your old self.