SNL Transcripts: Kelly Ripa: 11/01/03


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 29: Episode 4

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Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:

November 1st, 2003

Kelly Ripa


Chris Kattan

Sleepy Brown
A Message From the President of the United StatesSummary: President George W. Bush (Darrell Hammond) addresses the nation.

Recurring Characters: President George W. Bush.

Note: The search for the post-Ferrell Bush impressionist continues, as Darrell Hammond takes over the role from Chris Parnell.


MontageNote: Finesse Mitchell and Kenan Thompson do not appear in this episode.

Kelly Ripa’s MonologueSummary: Kelly Ripa takes questions from members of the audience.

Recurring Characters: Ruth Weinstock, Terrell, Terrell’s Wife.

Note: Jim Downey (wearing reading glasses) can be seen in the audience reading over his script before Kelly Ripa begins her monologue.

Bio: Kelly Ripa (1970-) helped American television audiences forget about Kathie Lee Gifford after taking over her chair on the old “Live with Regis & Kathie Lee” morning show.


Tressant SuprêmeSummary: Kelly Ripa keeps her hair shiny with cocaine ingredients.


Live! With Regis & KellySummary: Angelina Jolie (Kelly Ripa) finds Kelly Ripa’s (Amy Poehler) childlike excitement aggravating.

Recurring Characters: Regis Philbin, Kelly Ripa, Gelman, Angelina Jolie.


Access HollywoodSummary: Pat O’Brien (Jimmy Fallon) interviews Renee Zellweger (Kelly Ripa) and meets her professional weight gain coach (Horatio Sanz).

Recurring Characters: Pat O’Brien.


Outkast performs “Hey Ya!”Note: Because Outkast released two solo albums as a double album, André 3000 and Big Boi appear separately in tonight’s performances. André 3000 performs this song.

Bio: Outkast is hip hop duo André “André 3000” Benjamin (formerly known as “Dre”) and Antwan “Big Boi” Patton, and they hail from Atlanta.

Weekend Update with Jimmy Fallon & Tina FeySummary: Drunk Girl (Jeff Richards) flirts with Jimmy Fallon while telling him what she did on Halloween. Jimmy Buffett (Horatio Sanz) cracks up Jimmy Fallon with his song variations.

Recurring Characters: Drunk Girl.


Center For Cow Fart StudySummary: Scientist’s (Will Forte) wife (Kelly Ripa) is angered by his quest to save the ozone layer by studying cow farts.


Lelaini Burke: Pet PsychicSummary: Lelaini Burke (Maya Rudolph) seeks approval for her singing from her guests’ pets.

Recurring Characters: Lelaini Burke.


Outkast performs “The Way You Move”Note: Because Outkast released two solo albums as a double album, André 3000 and Big Boi appear separately in tonight’s performances. Big Boi performs this song with Sleepy Brown.

Spy GlassSummary: Ian Gerrard (Seth Meyers) and Zoe Anderton (Amy Poehler) host this British version of “Access Hollywood.”

Recurring Characters: Ian Gerrard, Zoe Anderton, Pat O’Brien.


Greenbriar County Animal Rescue ShelterSummary: A veterinarian (Chris Parnell) viciously insults the dog he’s offering for adoption.



SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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