Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 29: Episode 4
November 1st, 2003
A Message From the President of the United StatesSummary: President George W. Bush (Darrell Hammond) addresses the nation.
Recurring Characters: President George W. Bush.
Note: The search for the post-Ferrell Bush impressionist continues, as Darrell Hammond takes over the role from Chris Parnell.
MontageNote: Finesse Mitchell and Kenan Thompson do not appear in this episode.
Kelly Ripa’s MonologueSummary: Kelly Ripa takes questions from members of the audience.
Recurring Characters: Ruth Weinstock, Terrell, Terrell’s Wife.
Note: Jim Downey (wearing reading glasses) can be seen in the audience reading over his script before Kelly Ripa begins her monologue.
Bio: Kelly Ripa (1970-) helped American television audiences forget about Kathie Lee Gifford after taking over her chair on the old “Live with Regis & Kathie Lee” morning show.
Tressant SuprêmeSummary: Kelly Ripa keeps her hair shiny with cocaine ingredients.
Live! With Regis & KellySummary: Angelina Jolie (Kelly Ripa) finds Kelly Ripa’s (Amy Poehler) childlike excitement aggravating.
Recurring Characters: Regis Philbin, Kelly Ripa, Gelman, Angelina Jolie.
Access HollywoodSummary: Pat O’Brien (Jimmy Fallon) interviews Renee Zellweger (Kelly Ripa) and meets her professional weight gain coach (Horatio Sanz).
Recurring Characters: Pat O’Brien.
Outkast performs “Hey Ya!”Note: Because Outkast released two solo albums as a double album, André 3000 and Big Boi appear separately in tonight’s performances. André 3000 performs this song.
Bio: Outkast is hip hop duo André “André 3000” Benjamin (formerly known as “Dre”) and Antwan “Big Boi” Patton, and they hail from Atlanta.
Weekend Update with Jimmy Fallon & Tina FeySummary: Drunk Girl (Jeff Richards) flirts with Jimmy Fallon while telling him what she did on Halloween. Jimmy Buffett (Horatio Sanz) cracks up Jimmy Fallon with his song variations.
Recurring Characters: Drunk Girl.
Center For Cow Fart StudySummary: Scientist’s (Will Forte) wife (Kelly Ripa) is angered by his quest to save the ozone layer by studying cow farts.
Lelaini Burke: Pet PsychicSummary: Lelaini Burke (Maya Rudolph) seeks approval for her singing from her guests’ pets.
Recurring Characters: Lelaini Burke.
Outkast performs “The Way You Move”Note: Because Outkast released two solo albums as a double album, André 3000 and Big Boi appear separately in tonight’s performances. Big Boi performs this song with Sleepy Brown.
Spy GlassSummary: Ian Gerrard (Seth Meyers) and Zoe Anderton (Amy Poehler) host this British version of “Access Hollywood.”
Recurring Characters: Ian Gerrard, Zoe Anderton, Pat O’Brien.
Greenbriar County Animal Rescue ShelterSummary: A veterinarian (Chris Parnell) viciously insults the dog he’s offering for adoption.