Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 29: Episode 4
Kelly Ripa: I’m always on the go. “Go, go go!” I’m up at 4:00 with the baby.. out the door at 6:00.. on the air at 9:00. And the crazy part is, I’m supposed to look good doing it. That’s why I use Tressant Suprême.
Tressant Suprême is this fantastic heat and mosturizing intensive hair color, with natural highlights and just a little bit of crack cocaine!
Yeah, I could pay hundreds of dollars to get highlights at a salon.. but how would that help me get through my fifteeneth time interviewing Melissa Joan Hart? It wouldn’t. [ intense ] That’s what the cocaine is for!
Why, just the other night, I was up at three in the morning cleaning my air conditioners, and my husband said, “Wow, babe! Your hair looks great! Come back to bed now, please. Please. I’m very worried about you.” And he was crying a little bit.. [ laughs sadistically ] And I love that it’s all natural – except for the crack cocaine part.
Tressant Suprême is so gentle.. I mean, I will highlight myhair three, four times a day, and it never gets dried up! Look how silky it is. See how it totally moves with me? God, I feel like dancing!
[ dancing ] Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah!
Oh, my God, I just had the most awesome idea for a movie! Somebody write this down!
People ask me: “How do you do it all? Work.. three kids.. a great marriage.” And I say, “Who the f-ck are you?! Get away from my limo!” And then I calm down, and I say, “Tressant Suprême. Try it.”
I’ll tell you one thing – I cannot do this much longer..
[ fade ]