SNL Transcripts: Andy Roddick: 11/08/03: Cryogenix


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 29: Episode 5

03e: Andy Roddick / Dave Matthews


Man #1…..Chris Parnell
Woman #1…..Maya Rudolph
Woman #2…..Amy Poehler
Man #2…..Seth Meyers
Man #3…..Jeff Richards

Man #1: When my doctor first told me about my condition.. I was devestated. Especially when I heard that a cure was only ten years away.

Woman #1: When I first heard about it, I’ll admit – I was skeptical. But, now.. I think it’s my only option.

Announcer: Cryogenix. Your body is frozen, and stored in a Cryogrenic chamber for up to one hundred years.

Woman #2: When my doctor told me about Cryogenix, I thought he was crazy. But if, years from now, they find a cure for lactose intolerance, I don’t want to miss that party!

Announcer: Ask your doctor if Cryogenix is right for you.

Man #2: Trust me – no guy wants to go bald. And, in a hundred years.. I won’t have to.

Announcer: Once your body is frozen, your blood is drained, and replaced with liquid nitrogen.

Man #3: People tell me I have terrible halitosis. I’m sure there’ll be a cure for it some day..

Announcer: Your head is then severed from your body, and placed in a vacuum-sealed chamber, to preserve your delicate brain tissue.

Woman #1: I bet there’ll be a better weight loss pill in the future.

Announcer: Ask your doctor about Cryogenix. Because there’s a cure for everything – in the future.

Man #1: Hey. If it’s good enough for Ted Williams.. it’s good enough for me.

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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