SNL Transcripts: Andy Roddick: 11/08/03: Action News 13

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 29: Episode 5

03e: Andy Roddick / Dave Matthews

Action News 13

Kendall Brown…..Will Forte
Teesa Collins…..Maya Rudolph
Jim Shepherd…..Andy Roddick

Announcer: And now for Southern Cali’s most-watched newscast – Action News 13, with Kendall Brown and Teesa Collins.

[ Kendall & Teesa wait in the studio to begin the broadcast, but the music cue takes its time wrapping up ]

Kendall Brown: Good evening —

[ the music cue pots up high again, as they continue to wait it out ]

[ the music finally drowns itself out ]

Teesa Collins: Good evening, I’m —

[ a different version of the music cue starts up again, then fades ]

Kendall Brown: A rash of car thefts —

[ yet another music cue pots up again ]

[ that music cue is interrupted by a Breaking News logo, complete with its own extended music cue ]

Announcer: This is an Action News 13 Breaking News report, with Action News 13 breaking news correspondent.. Jim Shepherd.

[ cut to Jim Shepherd standing in front of Northfield Arena ]

Jim Shepherd: Ken?! Teesa?!

[ split-screen of the two locations are shown, overlapping with their two distinct musical cues ]

Kendall Brown: Jim?!

Teesa Collins: Jim?!

Jim Shepherd: Ken?!

Kendall Brown: Jim?!

Jim Shepherd: Teesa?!

Teesa Collins: Jim?!

Jim Shepherd: Can you hear me?!

Teesa Collins: Jim?!

Jim Shepherd: Teesa?!

Kendall Brown: Jim?!

Jim Shepherd: Okay! I’m just gonna do this thing!

Kendall Brown: Jim?!

Jim Shepherd: I’m standing outside the Northfield Arena, where, earlier tonight, as Bachman-Turner Overdrive played a memorable set at the annual Rockvember Music Festival, the rocking vibrations caused a water main to burst, flooding North County! Let’s take a look!

[ three-way split screen shows the studio, location shoot, and archive footage of Bachman-Turner Overdrive singing “Taking Care of Business” ]

Jim Shepherd: This — This is what the scene looked like tonight —

Teesa Collins: Jim?!

Jim Shepherd: — before the flood!

Kendall Brown: Jim?!

Jim Shepherd: As you can see, BTO had generated quite a bit of electricity. But, check out what happened moments ago:

Teesa Collins: Jim?!

[ four-way split-screen shows the studio, location shoot, BTO footage, and color bars with “Please Stand By” written over them ]

Jim Shepherd: I guess we don’t have a picture on that! Ken?! Teesa?!

Kendall Brown: Jim?!

Teesa Collins: I think we lost the feed! Do we have the feed?!

[ all the different musical cues finally come to a collective close ]

Kendall Brown: Oh.. ah.. it seems like we had some problems there.. but it looks like we’re back in business!

[ the different musical cues pot right back up again, drowning Jim & Teesa out completely ]

Teesa Collins: Stay tuned for details on the President’s visit to South Cali! We’ll be right back!

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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