SNL Transcripts: Andy Roddick: 11/08/03: Z-105 Morning Crew



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 29: Episode 5


03e: Andy Roddick / Dave Matthews

Z-105 Morning Crew

Joey Mack…..Jimmy Fallon
Andrea voice…..Jimmy Fallon
Man in the Box voice…..Jimmy Fallon
Andy Roddick…..Andy Roddick
Tyrone Washington voice…..Jimmy Fallon
Sanji voice…..Jimmy Fallon

[Open with video of freeway traffic]

Joey: [radio voice – nasally and goofy] Good morning Sogradees, good morning. Joey Mack here with whole fuzz, the Man in the Box, Andrea with traffic…

Andrea: [in high voice] Watch out for traffic, I’m not going to be here guys.

Joey: All that and more, we’ll be right back.

Cut to studio – Music cue & “Z 105”

Joey: so anyway, I’m with this hot, hot fuse last night, okay. She’s got both her legs wrapped around her head, must be into yoga or something

Andrea: Oh my God you guys

Joey: Andrea, let me talk will ya? All of a sudden, her kid walks in the room, not lying folks, I get so freaked out, I accidentally slip into the wrong hole. Uh oh!

Man in the Box: [in low, gravely voice] That’s the right hole if you ask me.

Andrea: Man in the box!

Joey: Man in the box, get back in the box!

Man in the box: I’d like to get in her box

Joey: okay its 5:29 in the a.m. we’ll be right back with the morning mix. [hits “Z 105” button]

[Andy walks in]

Andy: Hey Joey Mack [offers handshake]

Joey: [in real voice] [stands up and shakes Andy’s hand] Andy Roddick, thanks so much for coming man, wow this is great.

Andy: [at the same time as shaking hands] Hey Andy, how are you

Joey: Want some coffee, Red Bull?

Andy: Naw, I’m okay.

Joey: Yeah.

Andy: [giving a questionable look] So the whole Zoo Crew fits in this little studio?

Joey: [Looking around] What, uh, yeah, yeah. This, uh, it’s truly an honor to have you here, I’m a big fan of the U.S. Open, I’m tickled pink.

Andy: Oh thanks.

Joey: You’re just awesome, you’re just great.

Andy: Hey, I just want to get the word out about this charity event that we got this weekend.

Joey: Okay that’s cool. That’ll be my first question.

Andy: Good stuff.

Joey: Put your headphones on and relax.

[both put on headsets]

Joey: Okay. [pushes “Z105 button]

[changes voice]

Joey: And we’re back! [waits for laughter] Folks, special guest with us here, Andy Roddick. Andy, first question, you ever think about bonin’ Andrea?

Andrea: You guys stop it! He’s nice

Man in the box: Andrea is trying to get some boo-knack-eee!

[Andy gives a look like “Yeah right”]

Andrea: You guys, I have a boyfriend!

Joey: Oh yeah, Andrea is trying to get some of that Rod-dick! Yeah!

Andy: Yeah, uh, that’s, uh, that’s funny. That’s original.

Joey: You must get – you must get a lot of that boo-knack-eee off that. He’s shaking his head “yes” folks. He really is.

Man in the box: BOO-KNACK-EEE!

[Andy shaking his head in disbelief]

Joey: Man in the box! Wow!

Andy: [tries to change the subject] There’s this charity event this weekend.

Joey: Yeah, we’ll get to that in a minute Andy. But first, we got another classic “Joey Mack and the Fuzz Twisted Tune”. Here’s one that Andy requested by a little group called “Smash Mouth”.

[All-star by Smash Mouth plays]

Joey: [voicing over] Hey now, you’re a porn star, get your rocks off, get gay.

[hits “Z 105” button and song goes off]

Joey: [in real voice] Hilarious.

Andy: Naw, it’s great.

Joey: Thanks for coming, dude.

Andy: Yeah, no problem.

Joey: This is awesome. I love you man.

Andy: I just thought that I’d get to talk about the charity thing.

Joey: Oh yeah, yeah. I totally forgot all about that. Don’t worry about it. I’ll take care of it right here.

Andy: Awesome, awesome!

[pushes “Z 105 button]

Joey: [radio voice] AND WE’RE BACK! [waits for laughter] 5:35 in the am. We’ve got Andy Roddick over here. Over the break, Andy was just telling me this hilarious joke. Two black guys were beating up a handicapped kid in a parking lot.

Andy: [stunned] I did not say that!

Tyrone: [angry black voice] Aw, hell no. What’d you just say?

Joey: Ah, oh. Tyrone Washington, our new weather guy is joining us. Now Tyrone hates white people, this has got to be weird.

Andy: [looks at Joey in disbelief] I never said that!

Tyrone: Hell no! You a racist Andy Roddick!

Andy: I am not a racist!

Joey: I’m staying out of this one; this is between you two guys.

Andy: Me and who? He’s not even a real person!

Joey: Why? Because he’s black?

Andy: [exasperated] Aw ga!

[laughter]

Joey: 5:35 in the am, we’ll be right back with the morning mix.

[pushes “Z 105 button]

Joey: [real voice] Hilarious! Really good.

Andy: Dude, how do you even have a show?

Joey: You’re the man. That was great. That bit you did with Tyrone, hilarious. Classic.

Andy: What bit? You made me look like a racist in front of thousands of people.

Joey: I know, it’s a great character for you.

Andy: This is ridiculous. Listen, I just want to talk about the event and get out of here.

Joey: Oh, okay, of course. Sorry.

[pushes “Z 105 button]

Joey: [radio voice] AND WE’RE BACK!!!! [waits for laughter] We’ve got Andy Roddick in the house. Andy’s got something he wants to say, really close to him. Go ahead Andy. Tell them.

Andy: Yeah thanks Joey. I just wanted to say that Sat…

[interrupted by Joey’s farting noises]

Andy: Satur…You gonna stop doing that? [farting noises continue] Saturday at Corbett Tennis, we’re going to be raising money for literacy. And I’d also like to add that…

Joey: [finishes Andy’s sentence in Andy’s voice] …that I poop my pants.

Joey: [radio voice] Oh my God, he did!

Man in the box: Looks like chocolate pudding in his pants.

Andrea: Eww you guys!

Tyrone: Ah hell no! That white dude pooped his pants!

Joey: That is gross!

Andy: [sternly] I did not poop my pants.

Joey: Let me ask our intern Sanji, just walked in. Sanji, what did ya think of that?

Sanji: [in middle-eastern accent] Oh did you do the doo? He really did poop his pants.

[Andy takes off his headset and leaves]

Tyrone: Ah hell no! That’s nasty. Dude been eatin’ chicken neck!

Man in the box: Smells like Andrea’s boyfriend’s finger!

Andrea: Man in the box!

Sanji: Oh no, it smells like my village.

Joey: Andy honestly, [laughter] did you poop your pants or what?

Joey: [sounding like Andy] I did. I totally pooped my pants. It’s the coolest thing to do, ever. Everyone’s pooping their pants.

Joey: Andy Roddick pooped his pants, its 5:38 in the am.

Joey: [sounding like Andy] Hey could you play that song about me?

Joey: Sure Andy, no problem

[I like big butts by Sir MixALot plays]

Joey: [voices over song] I like dude’s butts and I cannot lie, I like to do it with guys, I like to unzip my fly…

[Andy runs back in]

Andy: TELL THEM I DID NOT POOP MY PANTS, I DID NOT POOP MY PANTS! TELL THEM!

[Joey hits “Z 105” button and takes off headset]

Joey: [mouthed to Andy] Great! Sorry.

[Andy runs off stage to next skit as scene fades]

Submitted by: Richie Hoseney

SNL Transcripts

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