SNL Transcripts: Andy Roddick: 11/08/03: Z-105 Morning Crew



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 29: Episode 5


03e: Andy Roddick / Dave Matthews

Z-105 Morning Crew

Joey Mack…..Jimmy Fallon
Andrea voice…..Jimmy Fallon
Man in the Box voice…..Jimmy Fallon
Andy Roddick…..Andy Roddick
Tyrone Washington voice…..Jimmy Fallon
Sanji voice…..Jimmy Fallon

[Open with video of freeway traffic]

Joey: [radio voice – nasally and goofy] Good morning Sogradees, good morning. Joey Mack here with whole fuzz, the Man in the Box, Andrea with traffic…

Andrea: [in high voice] Watch out for traffic, I’m not going to be here guys.

Joey: All that and more, we’ll be right back.

Cut to studio – Music cue & “Z 105”

Joey: so anyway, I’m with this hot, hot fuse last night, okay. She’s got both her legs wrapped around her head, must be into yoga or something

Andrea: Oh my God you guys

Joey: Andrea, let me talk will ya? All of a sudden, her kid walks in the room, not lying folks, I get so freaked out, I accidentally slip into the wrong hole. Uh oh!

Man in the Box: [in low, gravely voice] That’s the right hole if you ask me.

Andrea: Man in the box!

Joey: Man in the box, get back in the box!

Man in the box: I’d like to get in her box

Joey: okay its 5:29 in the a.m. we’ll be right back with the morning mix. [hits “Z 105” button] [Andy walks in]

Andy: Hey Joey Mack [offers handshake]

Joey: [in real voice] [stands up and shakes Andy’s hand] Andy Roddick, thanks so much for coming man, wow this is great.

Andy: [at the same time as shaking hands] Hey Andy, how are you

Joey: Want some coffee, Red Bull?

Andy: Naw, I’m okay.

Joey: Yeah.

Andy: [giving a questionable look] So the whole Zoo Crew fits in this little studio?

Joey: [Looking around] What, uh, yeah, yeah. This, uh, it’s truly an honor to have you here, I’m a big fan of the U.S. Open, I’m tickled pink.

Andy: Oh thanks.

Joey: You’re just awesome, you’re just great.

Andy: Hey, I just want to get the word out about this charity event that we got this weekend.

Joey: Okay that’s cool. That’ll be my first question.

Andy: Good stuff.

Joey: Put your headphones on and relax.

[both put on headsets]

Joey: Okay. [pushes “Z105 button] [changes voice]

Joey: And we’re back! [waits for laughter] Folks, special guest with us here, Andy Roddick. Andy, first question, you ever think about bonin’ Andrea?

Andrea: You guys stop it! He’s nice

Man in the box: Andrea is trying to get some boo-knack-eee!

[Andy gives a look like “Yeah right”]

Andrea: You guys, I have a boyfriend!

Joey: Oh yeah, Andrea is trying to get some of that Rod-dick! Yeah!

Andy: Yeah, uh, that’s, uh, that’s funny. That’s original.

Joey: You must get – you must get a lot of that boo-knack-eee off that. He’s shaking his head “yes” folks. He really is.

Man in the box: BOO-KNACK-EEE!

[Andy shaking his head in disbelief]

Joey: Man in the box! Wow!

Andy: [tries to change the subject] There’s this charity event this weekend.

Joey: Yeah, we’ll get to that in a minute Andy. But first, we got another classic “Joey Mack and the Fuzz Twisted Tune”. Here’s one that Andy requested by a little group called “Smash Mouth”.

[All-star by Smash Mouth plays]

Joey: [voicing over] Hey now, you’re a porn star, get your rocks off, get gay.

[hits “Z 105” button and song goes off]

Joey: [in real voice] Hilarious.

Andy: Naw, it’s great.

Joey: Thanks for coming, dude.

Andy: Yeah, no problem.

Joey: This is awesome. I love you man.

Andy: I just thought that I’d get to talk about the charity thing.

Joey: Oh yeah, yeah. I totally forgot all about that. Don’t worry about it. I’ll take care of it right here.

Andy: Awesome, awesome!

[pushes “Z 105 button]

Joey: [radio voice] AND WE’RE BACK! [waits for laughter] 5:35 in the am. We’ve got Andy Roddick over here. Over the break, Andy was just telling me this hilarious joke. Two black guys were beating up a handicapped kid in a parking lot.

Andy: [stunned] I did not say that!

Tyrone: [angry black voice] Aw, hell no. What’d you just say?

Joey: Ah, oh. Tyrone Washington, our new weather guy is joining us. Now Tyrone hates white people, this has got to be weird.

Andy: [looks at Joey in disbelief] I never said that!

Tyrone: Hell no! You a racist Andy Roddick!

Andy: I am not a racist!

Joey: I’m staying out of this one; this is between you two guys.

Andy: Me and who? He’s not even a real person!

Joey: Why? Because he’s black?

Andy: [exasperated] Aw ga!

[laughter]

Joey: 5:35 in the am, we’ll be right back with the morning mix.

[pushes “Z 105 button]

Joey: [real voice] Hilarious! Really good.

Andy: Dude, how do you even have a show?

Joey: You’re the man. That was great. That bit you did with Tyrone, hilarious. Classic.

Andy: What bit? You made me look like a racist in front of thousands of people.

Joey: I know, it’s a great character for you.

Andy: This is ridiculous. Listen, I just want to talk about the event and get out of here.

Joey: Oh, okay, of course. Sorry.

[pushes “Z 105 button]

Joey: [radio voice] AND WE’RE BACK!!!! [waits for laughter] We’ve got Andy Roddick in the house. Andy’s got something he wants to say, really close to him. Go ahead Andy. Tell them.

Andy: Yeah thanks Joey. I just wanted to say that Sat…

[interrupted by Joey’s farting noises]

Andy: Satur…You gonna stop doing that? [farting noises continue] Saturday at Corbett Tennis, we’re going to be raising money for literacy. And I’d also like to add that…

Joey: [finishes Andy’s sentence in Andy’s voice] …that I poop my pants.

Joey: [radio voice] Oh my God, he did!

Man in the box: Looks like chocolate pudding in his pants.

Andrea: Eww you guys!

Tyrone: Ah hell no! That white dude pooped his pants!

Joey: That is gross!

Andy: [sternly] I did not poop my pants.

Joey: Let me ask our intern Sanji, just walked in. Sanji, what did ya think of that?

Sanji: [in middle-eastern accent] Oh did you do the doo? He really did poop his pants.

[Andy takes off his headset and leaves]

Tyrone: Ah hell no! That’s nasty. Dude been eatin’ chicken neck!

Man in the box: Smells like Andrea’s boyfriend’s finger!

Andrea: Man in the box!

Sanji: Oh no, it smells like my village.

Joey: Andy honestly, [laughter] did you poop your pants or what?

Joey: [sounding like Andy] I did. I totally pooped my pants. It’s the coolest thing to do, ever. Everyone’s pooping their pants.

Joey: Andy Roddick pooped his pants, its 5:38 in the am.

Joey: [sounding like Andy] Hey could you play that song about me?

Joey: Sure Andy, no problem

[I like big butts by Sir MixALot plays]

Joey: [voices over song] I like dude’s butts and I cannot lie, I like to do it with guys, I like to unzip my fly…

[Andy runs back in]

Andy: TELL THEM I DID NOT POOP MY PANTS, I DID NOT POOP MY PANTS! TELL THEM!

[Joey hits “Z 105” button and takes off headset]

Joey: [mouthed to Andy] Great! Sorry.

[Andy runs off stage to next skit as scene fades]

Submitted by: Richie Hoseney

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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