Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 29: Episode 5
Z-105 Morning Crew
Joey Mack…..Jimmy Fallon
Andrea voice…..Jimmy Fallon
Man in the Box voice…..Jimmy Fallon
Andy Roddick…..Andy Roddick
Tyrone Washington voice…..Jimmy Fallon
Sanji voice…..Jimmy Fallon
Joey: [radio voice – nasally and goofy] Good morning Sogradees, good morning. Joey Mack here with whole fuzz, the Man in the Box, Andrea with traffic
Andrea: [in high voice] Watch out for traffic, I’m not going to be here guys.
Joey: All that and more, we’ll be right back.
Cut to studio – Music cue & “Z 105”
Joey: so anyway, I’m with this hot, hot fuse last night, okay. She’s got both her legs wrapped around her head, must be into yoga or something
Andrea: Oh my God you guys
Joey: Andrea, let me talk will ya? All of a sudden, her kid walks in the room, not lying folks, I get so freaked out, I accidentally slip into the wrong hole. Uh oh!
Man in the Box: [in low, gravely voice] That’s the right hole if you ask me.
Andrea: Man in the box!
Joey: Man in the box, get back in the box!
Man in the box: I’d like to get in her box
Joey: okay its 5:29 in the a.m. we’ll be right back with the morning mix. [hits “Z 105” button] [Andy walks in]
Andy: Hey Joey Mack [offers handshake]
Joey: [in real voice] [stands up and shakes Andy’s hand] Andy Roddick, thanks so much for coming man, wow this is great.
Andy: [at the same time as shaking hands] Hey Andy, how are you
Joey: Want some coffee, Red Bull?
Andy: Naw, I’m okay.
Andy: [giving a questionable look] So the whole Zoo Crew fits in this little studio?
Joey: [Looking around] What, uh, yeah, yeah. This, uh, it’s truly an honor to have you here, I’m a big fan of the U.S. Open, I’m tickled pink.
Andy: Oh thanks.
Joey: You’re just awesome, you’re just great.
Andy: Hey, I just want to get the word out about this charity event that we got this weekend.
Joey: Okay that’s cool. That’ll be my first question.
Andy: Good stuff.
Joey: Put your headphones on and relax.[both put on headsets]
Joey: Okay. [pushes “Z105 button] [changes voice]
Joey: And we’re back! [waits for laughter] Folks, special guest with us here, Andy Roddick. Andy, first question, you ever think about bonin’ Andrea?
Andrea: You guys stop it! He’s nice
Man in the box: Andrea is trying to get some boo-knack-eee![Andy gives a look like “Yeah right”]
Andrea: You guys, I have a boyfriend!
Joey: Oh yeah, Andrea is trying to get some of that Rod-dick! Yeah!
Andy: Yeah, uh, that’s, uh, that’s funny. That’s original.
Joey: You must get – you must get a lot of that boo-knack-eee off that. He’s shaking his head “yes” folks. He really is.
Man in the box: BOO-KNACK-EEE![Andy shaking his head in disbelief]
Joey: Man in the box! Wow!
Andy: [tries to change the subject] There’s this charity event this weekend.
Joey: Yeah, we’ll get to that in a minute Andy. But first, we got another classic “Joey Mack and the Fuzz Twisted Tune”. Here’s one that Andy requested by a little group called “Smash Mouth”.[All-star by Smash Mouth plays]
Joey: [voicing over] Hey now, you’re a porn star, get your rocks off, get gay.[hits “Z 105” button and song goes off]
Joey: [in real voice] Hilarious.
Andy: Naw, it’s great.
Joey: Thanks for coming, dude.
Andy: Yeah, no problem.
Joey: This is awesome. I love you man.
Andy: I just thought that I’d get to talk about the charity thing.
Joey: Oh yeah, yeah. I totally forgot all about that. Don’t worry about it. I’ll take care of it right here.
Andy: Awesome, awesome![pushes “Z 105 button]
Joey: [radio voice] AND WE’RE BACK! [waits for laughter] 5:35 in the am. We’ve got Andy Roddick over here. Over the break, Andy was just telling me this hilarious joke. Two black guys were beating up a handicapped kid in a parking lot.
Andy: [stunned] I did not say that!
Tyrone: [angry black voice] Aw, hell no. What’d you just say?
Joey: Ah, oh. Tyrone Washington, our new weather guy is joining us. Now Tyrone hates white people, this has got to be weird.
Andy: [looks at Joey in disbelief] I never said that!
Tyrone: Hell no! You a racist Andy Roddick!
Andy: I am not a racist!
Joey: I’m staying out of this one; this is between you two guys.
Andy: Me and who? He’s not even a real person!
Joey: Why? Because he’s black?
Andy: [exasperated] Aw ga![laughter]
Joey: 5:35 in the am, we’ll be right back with the morning mix.[pushes “Z 105 button]
Joey: [real voice] Hilarious! Really good.
Andy: Dude, how do you even have a show?
Joey: You’re the man. That was great. That bit you did with Tyrone, hilarious. Classic.
Andy: What bit? You made me look like a racist in front of thousands of people.
Joey: I know, it’s a great character for you.
Andy: This is ridiculous. Listen, I just want to talk about the event and get out of here.
Joey: Oh, okay, of course. Sorry.[pushes “Z 105 button]
Joey: [radio voice] AND WE’RE BACK!!!! [waits for laughter] We’ve got Andy Roddick in the house. Andy’s got something he wants to say, really close to him. Go ahead Andy. Tell them.
Andy: Yeah thanks Joey. I just wanted to say that Sat[interrupted by Joey’s farting noises]
Andy: Satur You gonna stop doing that? [farting noises continue] Saturday at Corbett Tennis, we’re going to be raising money for literacy. And I’d also like to add that
Joey: [finishes Andy’s sentence in Andy’s voice] that I poop my pants.
Joey: [radio voice] Oh my God, he did!
Man in the box: Looks like chocolate pudding in his pants.
Andrea: Eww you guys!
Tyrone: Ah hell no! That white dude pooped his pants!
Joey: That is gross!
Andy: [sternly] I did not poop my pants.
Joey: Let me ask our intern Sanji, just walked in. Sanji, what did ya think of that?
Sanji: [in middle-eastern accent] Oh did you do the doo? He really did poop his pants.[Andy takes off his headset and leaves]
Tyrone: Ah hell no! That’s nasty. Dude been eatin’ chicken neck!
Man in the box: Smells like Andrea’s boyfriend’s finger!
Andrea: Man in the box!
Sanji: Oh no, it smells like my village.
Joey: Andy honestly, [laughter] did you poop your pants or what?
Joey: [sounding like Andy] I did. I totally pooped my pants. It’s the coolest thing to do, ever. Everyone’s pooping their pants.
Joey: Andy Roddick pooped his pants, its 5:38 in the am.
Joey: [sounding like Andy] Hey could you play that song about me?
Joey: Sure Andy, no problem[I like big butts by Sir MixALot plays]
Joey: [voices over song] I like dude’s butts and I cannot lie, I like to do it with guys, I like to unzip my fly[Andy runs back in]
Andy: TELL THEM I DID NOT POOP MY PANTS, I DID NOT POOP MY PANTS! TELL THEM![Joey hits “Z 105” button and takes off headset]
Joey: [mouthed to Andy] Great! Sorry.[Andy runs off stage to next skit as scene fades]
Submitted by: Richie Hoseney