SNL Transcripts: Alec Baldwin: 11/15/03



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 29: Episode 6


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Air Date:

Host:

Musical Guest:

Special Guests:

Cameos:


November 15th, 2003

Alec Baldwin

Missy Elliot

None

Mike Myers
A Message From the President of the United StatesSummary: President George W. Bush (Darrell Hammond) unveils Iraqi’s new constitution.

Recurring Characters: President George W. Bush.

Montage

Alec Baldwin’s MonologueSummary: Studio musicians (Jimmy Fallon, Horatio Sanz) and a boom miker (Mike Myers) laugh excessively for Alec Baldwin and plug “Cat in the Hat.”

Also Hosted: 89r, 90n, 92m, 93m, 94h, 95k, 96n, 98i, 00p, 01r, 05h, 06e.

Huggies ThongSummary: With less padding, Huggies Thongs are more fashionable but not as effective as conventional diapers.

Note: Repeat from 10/04/03.

Breast AugmentationSummary: Breast doctor (Alec Baldwin) recommends a pair of Double D’s for his female patient (Amy Poehler).

Note: This sketch was cut from the dress rehearsal of last season’s Ray Romano episode.

Transcript

Zinger vs. BurnsSummary: Scientists Dave Clinger (Seth Meyers) and Greg Burns (Alec Baldwin) vie for the best 2 out of 3 zings/burns.

Recurring Characters: Dave Clinger.

Transcript

GaystrogenSummary: The pill that prevents middle-aged homosexuals from losing their gay sex drive.

Note: Repeat from 10/18/03.

The Tony Bennett ShowSummary: Tony Bennett (Alec Baldwin) welcomes acquitted millionaire Robert Durst (Fred Armisen) to the show.

Recurring Characters: Tony Bennett.

Transcript

The FalconerSummary: Donald the Falcon gambles with a Las Vegas hanger-on (Alec Baldwin) while The Falconer (Will Forte) hangs upside-down.

Recurring Characters: The Falconer.

Transcript

Missy Elliot performs “Pass The Dutch”Also Appeared: 97m.

Weekend Update with Jimmy Fallon & Tina FeySummary: Will Forte proudly shows off his homemade semi-celebritiy sex video with Fred Armisen. Tina Fey tries to contact Christian Slater’s friend Jack Nicholson over the phone.

Transcript

Prince Charles Press ConferenceSummary: Reporters question Prince Charles’ private secretary (Alec Baldwin) about the future king’s male sex romp.

Transcript

Keen Corp PresentationSummary: Co-workers (Alec Baldwin, Amy Poehler) deliver a company presentation after having a one-night stand.

Transcript

Siegfried & RoySummary: Fully healed from his tiger attack, Roy (Alec Baldwin) is ready for more punishment.

Missy Elliot performs “Work It”

Scheinwald StudiosSummary: Brad Scheinwald (Seth Meyers) tries to take his family’s movie studio in a new direction by hiring a promising new writer (Fred Armisen), but faces resistance from his dad, Alan (Alec Baldwin), and grandfather Abe (Rachel Dratch).

Recurring Characters: Brad Scheinwald, Abe Scheinwald.

GoodnightsTranscript

Dress Rehearsal Cuts

Gay TrainRecurring Characters: Harvey Fierstein.

Transcript

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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