SNL Transcripts: Alec Baldwin: 11/15/03

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 29: Episode 6

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Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:


November 15th, 2003

Alec Baldwin

Missy Elliot


Mike Myers
A Message From the President of the United StatesSummary: President George W. Bush (Darrell Hammond) unveils Iraqi’s new constitution.

Recurring Characters: President George W. Bush.


Alec Baldwin’s MonologueSummary: Studio musicians (Jimmy Fallon, Horatio Sanz) and a boom miker (Mike Myers) laugh excessively for Alec Baldwin and plug “Cat in the Hat.”

Also Hosted: 89r, 90n, 92m, 93m, 94h, 95k, 96n, 98i, 00p, 01r, 05h, 06e.

Huggies ThongSummary: With less padding, Huggies Thongs are more fashionable but not as effective as conventional diapers.

Note: Repeat from 10/04/03.

Breast AugmentationSummary: Breast doctor (Alec Baldwin) recommends a pair of Double D’s for his female patient (Amy Poehler).

Note: This sketch was cut from the dress rehearsal of last season’s Ray Romano episode.


Zinger vs. BurnsSummary: Scientists Dave Clinger (Seth Meyers) and Greg Burns (Alec Baldwin) vie for the best 2 out of 3 zings/burns.

Recurring Characters: Dave Clinger.


GaystrogenSummary: The pill that prevents middle-aged homosexuals from losing their gay sex drive.

Note: Repeat from 10/18/03.

The Tony Bennett ShowSummary: Tony Bennett (Alec Baldwin) welcomes acquitted millionaire Robert Durst (Fred Armisen) to the show.

Recurring Characters: Tony Bennett.


The FalconerSummary: Donald the Falcon gambles with a Las Vegas hanger-on (Alec Baldwin) while The Falconer (Will Forte) hangs upside-down.

Recurring Characters: The Falconer.


Missy Elliot performs “Pass The Dutch”Also Appeared: 97m.

Weekend Update with Jimmy Fallon & Tina FeySummary: Will Forte proudly shows off his homemade semi-celebritiy sex video with Fred Armisen. Tina Fey tries to contact Christian Slater’s friend Jack Nicholson over the phone.


Prince Charles Press ConferenceSummary: Reporters question Prince Charles’ private secretary (Alec Baldwin) about the future king’s male sex romp.


Keen Corp PresentationSummary: Co-workers (Alec Baldwin, Amy Poehler) deliver a company presentation after having a one-night stand.


Siegfried & RoySummary: Fully healed from his tiger attack, Roy (Alec Baldwin) is ready for more punishment.

Missy Elliot performs “Work It”

Scheinwald StudiosSummary: Brad Scheinwald (Seth Meyers) tries to take his family’s movie studio in a new direction by hiring a promising new writer (Fred Armisen), but faces resistance from his dad, Alan (Alec Baldwin), and grandfather Abe (Rachel Dratch).

Recurring Characters: Brad Scheinwald, Abe Scheinwald.


Dress Rehearsal Cuts

Gay TrainRecurring Characters: Harvey Fierstein.


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