Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 29: Episode 6
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Air Date:Host:Musical Guest:Special Guests:Cameos:
November 15th, 2003
Alec Baldwin
Missy Elliot
None
Mike Myers
A Message From the President of the United StatesSummary: President George W. Bush (Darrell Hammond) unveils Iraqi’s new constitution.
Recurring Characters: President George W. Bush.
Montage
Alec Baldwin’s MonologueSummary: Studio musicians (Jimmy Fallon, Horatio Sanz) and a boom miker (Mike Myers) laugh excessively for Alec Baldwin and plug “Cat in the Hat.”
Also Hosted: 89r, 90n, 92m, 93m, 94h, 95k, 96n, 98i, 00p, 01r, 05h, 06e.
Huggies ThongSummary: With less padding, Huggies Thongs are more fashionable but not as effective as conventional diapers.
Note: Repeat from 10/04/03.
Breast AugmentationSummary: Breast doctor (Alec Baldwin) recommends a pair of Double D’s for his female patient (Amy Poehler).
Note: This sketch was cut from the dress rehearsal of last season’s Ray Romano episode.
Transcript
Zinger vs. BurnsSummary: Scientists Dave Clinger (Seth Meyers) and Greg Burns (Alec Baldwin) vie for the best 2 out of 3 zings/burns.
Recurring Characters: Dave Clinger.
Transcript
GaystrogenSummary: The pill that prevents middle-aged homosexuals from losing their gay sex drive.
Note: Repeat from 10/18/03.
The Tony Bennett ShowSummary: Tony Bennett (Alec Baldwin) welcomes acquitted millionaire Robert Durst (Fred Armisen) to the show.
Recurring Characters: Tony Bennett.
Transcript
The FalconerSummary: Donald the Falcon gambles with a Las Vegas hanger-on (Alec Baldwin) while The Falconer (Will Forte) hangs upside-down.
Recurring Characters: The Falconer.
Transcript
Missy Elliot performs “Pass The Dutch”Also Appeared: 97m.
Weekend Update with Jimmy Fallon & Tina FeySummary: Will Forte proudly shows off his homemade semi-celebritiy sex video with Fred Armisen. Tina Fey tries to contact Christian Slater’s friend Jack Nicholson over the phone.
Transcript
Prince Charles Press ConferenceSummary: Reporters question Prince Charles’ private secretary (Alec Baldwin) about the future king’s male sex romp.
Transcript
Keen Corp PresentationSummary: Co-workers (Alec Baldwin, Amy Poehler) deliver a company presentation after having a one-night stand.
Transcript
Siegfried & RoySummary: Fully healed from his tiger attack, Roy (Alec Baldwin) is ready for more punishment.
Missy Elliot performs “Work It”
Scheinwald StudiosSummary: Brad Scheinwald (Seth Meyers) tries to take his family’s movie studio in a new direction by hiring a promising new writer (Fred Armisen), but faces resistance from his dad, Alan (Alec Baldwin), and grandfather Abe (Rachel Dratch).
Recurring Characters: Brad Scheinwald, Abe Scheinwald.
GoodnightsTranscript
Dress Rehearsal Cuts
Gay TrainRecurring Characters: Harvey Fierstein.
Transcript
