SNL Transcripts: Alec Baldwin: 11/15/03


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 29: Episode 6

This free script provided by]]>

Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:


November 15th, 2003

Alec Baldwin

Missy Elliot


Mike Myers
A Message From the President of the United StatesSummary: President George W. Bush (Darrell Hammond) unveils Iraqi’s new constitution.

Recurring Characters: President George W. Bush.


Alec Baldwin’s MonologueSummary: Studio musicians (Jimmy Fallon, Horatio Sanz) and a boom miker (Mike Myers) laugh excessively for Alec Baldwin and plug “Cat in the Hat.”

Also Hosted: 89r, 90n, 92m, 93m, 94h, 95k, 96n, 98i, 00p, 01r, 05h, 06e.

Huggies ThongSummary: With less padding, Huggies Thongs are more fashionable but not as effective as conventional diapers.

Note: Repeat from 10/04/03.

Breast AugmentationSummary: Breast doctor (Alec Baldwin) recommends a pair of Double D’s for his female patient (Amy Poehler).

Note: This sketch was cut from the dress rehearsal of last season’s Ray Romano episode.


Zinger vs. BurnsSummary: Scientists Dave Clinger (Seth Meyers) and Greg Burns (Alec Baldwin) vie for the best 2 out of 3 zings/burns.

Recurring Characters: Dave Clinger.


GaystrogenSummary: The pill that prevents middle-aged homosexuals from losing their gay sex drive.

Note: Repeat from 10/18/03.

The Tony Bennett ShowSummary: Tony Bennett (Alec Baldwin) welcomes acquitted millionaire Robert Durst (Fred Armisen) to the show.

Recurring Characters: Tony Bennett.


The FalconerSummary: Donald the Falcon gambles with a Las Vegas hanger-on (Alec Baldwin) while The Falconer (Will Forte) hangs upside-down.

Recurring Characters: The Falconer.


Missy Elliot performs “Pass The Dutch”Also Appeared: 97m.

Weekend Update with Jimmy Fallon & Tina FeySummary: Will Forte proudly shows off his homemade semi-celebritiy sex video with Fred Armisen. Tina Fey tries to contact Christian Slater’s friend Jack Nicholson over the phone.


Prince Charles Press ConferenceSummary: Reporters question Prince Charles’ private secretary (Alec Baldwin) about the future king’s male sex romp.


Keen Corp PresentationSummary: Co-workers (Alec Baldwin, Amy Poehler) deliver a company presentation after having a one-night stand.


Siegfried & RoySummary: Fully healed from his tiger attack, Roy (Alec Baldwin) is ready for more punishment.

Missy Elliot performs “Work It”

Scheinwald StudiosSummary: Brad Scheinwald (Seth Meyers) tries to take his family’s movie studio in a new direction by hiring a promising new writer (Fred Armisen), but faces resistance from his dad, Alan (Alec Baldwin), and grandfather Abe (Rachel Dratch).

Recurring Characters: Brad Scheinwald, Abe Scheinwald.


Dress Rehearsal Cuts

Gay TrainRecurring Characters: Harvey Fierstein.


SNL Transcripts

How useful was this post?

Click on a star to rate it!

Average rating 0 / 5. Vote count: 0

No votes so far! Be the first to rate this post.

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

Notify of
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x