Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 29: Episode 7
Unearthed: Cash On Earth
Johnny Cash…..Darrell Hammond
(As we fade into the sketch, Johnny Cash, whos in heaven and holding a guitar, has his back to the camera. He turns around and speaks into a microphone.)
Johnny Cash: Hello Im the ghost of Johnny Cash.
[Plays a guitar riff]
You know just because Im dead doesnt mean I have a new record coming out. And its just in time for Christmas. Its a good album. I wont lie to you.
[Singing]”Its not as wonderfulAs being here in heavenWith my wife June my ma and pa.And Jesus!”
That said its a pretty damn good record. Isnt that funny? They let you say damn in heaven.
(Cashs record “flies” in. Cash moves over to make room for it.)
Anyway, the new record is what they call a box set.
Its five CDs of
(Darrell Hammond looks at the obviously cheap record hanging from thin wires. He looks at the audience and is about to laugh but manages to hold it in.)
unreleased music called “Cash On Earth.” (Hammonds voice cracks when he says “Earth”)
(The record flies away. Cash looks up as the record flies away)
I like that title.
Its kind of ironic.
“Because Im dead.”
Some of you might not have heard about it, cause John Ritter died the same day.
But I understand.
I loved “Threes Company”.
What the hell.
“Im happy up here in heaven.”
When I first got here St. Peter gave me guff about being dressed in black.
I told him I wasnt changing and he went and got Jesus.
We had some words and finally decided to go behind the pearly gates and settle it by leg wrestling.
Needless to say Jesus beat me two out of three times.
[Singing]”So I grabbed my gearAnd I was getting ready to goDownDownDownTo that burning ring of fire.”
But Jesus placed his hand on my shoulder
And turned me around and said he was just messing with me.
Turns out Waylon Jennings put him up to it.
We all shared a good laugh over that
And guess what
Last night I jammed with Jimi Hendrix
[Plays a rock guitar riff à la Jimi Hendrix]
The night before it was John Lennon
And today I started to record with the killer himself Mr. Jerry Lee Lewis
But the had to leave
Turns out he was just in a deep sleep.
Who woulda thunk
“He would outlive me?”
Well, I got to go.
I think you’re going to enjoy “Cash on Earth.”
It makes a perfect stocking stuffer.
And hopefully it would tide you over until I see you up here.
Gods a cool guy
He lets almost everyone in.
I even saw one of my ex-business managers up here.
If that guy can get in
“I think youll do okay.”
Ill see you later
Im the ghost of Johnny Cash
(He plays guitar riff and turns around with the arm he played the riff in the air.)
Submitted by: Amy Young