SNL Transcripts: Rev. Al Sharpton: 12/06/03: Unearthed: Cash On Earth

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 29: Episode 7

03g: Rev. Al Sharpton / Pink

Unearthed: Cash On Earth

Johnny Cash…..Darrell Hammond

(As we fade into the sketch, Johnny Cash, who’s in heaven and holding a guitar, has his back to the camera. He turns around and speaks into a microphone.)

Johnny Cash: Hello I’m the ghost of Johnny Cash.

[Plays a guitar riff]

You know just because I’m dead doesn’t mean I have a new record coming out. And it’s just in time for Christmas. It’s a good album. I won’t lie to you.

[Singing]”It’s not as wonderfulAs being here in heavenWith my wife June my ma and pa.And Jesus!”

[Talking]

That said it’s a pretty damn good record. Isn’t that funny? They let you say damn in heaven.

(Cash’s record “flies” in. Cash moves over to make room for it.)

Anyway, the new record is what they call a box set.

It’s five CD’s of…

(Darrell Hammond looks at the obviously cheap record hanging from thin wires. He looks at the audience and is about to laugh but manages to hold it in.)

…unreleased music called “Cash On Earth.” (Hammond’s voice cracks when he says “Earth”)

(The record ‘flies away.’ Cash looks up as the record flies away)

I like that title.

It’s kind of ironic.

[Singing]

“Because I’m dead.”

[Talking]

Some of you might not have heard about it, ‘cause John Ritter died the same day.

But I understand.

I loved “Three’s Company”.

What the hell.

[Singing]

“I’m happy up here in heaven.”

[Talking]

When I first got here St. Peter gave me guff about being dressed in black.

I told him I wasn’t changing and he went and got Jesus.

We had some words and finally decided to go behind the pearly gates and settle it by leg wrestling.

Needless to say Jesus beat me two out of three times.

[Singing]”So I grabbed my gearAnd I was getting ready to goDownDownDownTo that burning ring of fire.”

[Talking]

But Jesus placed his hand on my shoulder

And turned me around and said he was just messing with me.

Turns out Waylon Jennings put him up to it.

We all shared a good laugh over that

And guess what

Last night I jammed with Jimi Hendrix

[Plays a rock guitar riff à la Jimi Hendrix]

Whoo!!

The night before it was John Lennon

And today I started to record with the killer himself Mr. Jerry Lee Lewis

But the had to leave

Turns out he was just in a deep sleep.

Who woulda thunk

[Singing]

“He would outlive me?”

[Talking]

Well, I got to go.

I think you’re going to enjoy “Cash on Earth.”

It makes a perfect stocking stuffer.

And hopefully it would tide you over until I see you up here.

God’s a cool guy

He lets almost everyone in.

I even saw one of my ex-business managers up here.

If that guy can get in

[Singing]

“I think you’ll do okay.”

[Talking]

I’ll see you later

I’m the ghost of Johnny Cash

(He plays guitar riff and turns around with the arm he played the riff in the air.)

Submitted by: Amy Young

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