SNL Transcripts: Rev. Al Sharpton: 12/06/03: Stereotypes

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 29: Episode 7

03g: Rev. Al Sharpton / Pink


Ivy…..Maya Rudolph
Reggie…..Kenan Thompson
Actor #1…..Finesse Mitchell
Actor #2…..Tracy Morgan
George…..Rev. Al Sharpton
Director…..Jimmy Fallon
Assistant…..Horatio Sanz

Ivy: [ singing ]
“Last night, I had a dream about the past
The saddest thing is that old dream won’t last.
I miss my home in Mississippi
Sitting on my Mammy’s knee.”

Backup Singers: “Myyyy Mammyyyy’s kneeeee..”

Ivy: [ singing ]
“I miss her home cookin’
And all the things she meant to me.”

Reggie: I miss all the things of summer! All the things my Mammy would do for me!

Actor #1: Like the time we whiled away after the work was done!

Actor #2: And the songs we sat around and sang!

George: But I truly miss the simple things:

Reggie: Fried chicken!

Actor #1: Watermelon!

Actor #2: I miss being shiftless and lazy!

George: [confused with his lines] “I miss shooting dice at a whorehouse on payday..”?

Director’s Voice: Cut and print! Cut and print!

[ end black-and-white film production, actors now in real-time ]

George: Say.. did that seem a little —

Reggie: Stale? I agree. I had that same line in a movie last year.

Director: Well.. we don’t write ’em, we just shoot ’em. Okay, let’s move on!

Assistant: Movin’ on, everybody!

Director: Is that okay with you, Ivy?

[ cut to a crew of white male actors are around Ivy, laughing, while Ivy is smoking a cigarette from a cigarette holder ]

Ivy: [ in an Edith Bunker-esque voice ] Whatever you say, Mike!

[ the black actors turn their attention to Ivy ]

Director: [ snapping at the other actors ] Hey! Don’t look at her, fellas! She’s the star of this picture, okay?! [ to his Assistant ] Tell ’em to dim the lights!

Assistant: Dim the lights!

Director: Okay, roll camera! Mark it! Mark it!

Assistant: Scene 11.. Scene 2! [ marks scene, exits ]

Director: Okay, everybody! This is the part where you’re big heroes, okay? Now, uh, you’re gonna rescue, uh, Ivy from Dr. Abercrombie’s mansion, okay? And.. action! [ exits ]

[ black-and-white film production resumes ]

George: Listen, here’s the plan: we’re gonna have to sneak out the back of the theater, and through the graveyard to rescue Ivy.

Actor #2: [ shaking ferociously, scared ] Oh, I ain’t sneakin’ through no graveyard! Nooooooooo way! Those bones be dancin’! That’ll be the end of the finish fo’ me!

[George, disgusted with Actor #2’s line, walks away]

[ Reggie and Actor #1, holding candles and shaking, step backwards not knowing they’re about to bump into one another ]

Reggie: Who there?!

Actor #1: Me there!

Reggie: Who that say “Me there”?!

Actor #1: Me say “Me there!”

Reggie: Who say “Me say ‘Me there'”?!

Actor #1: I say “Me say ‘Me there!'”

[George appears between Actor #1 and Reggie]

Reggie: Why, I don’t know what I’m gonna do about it, but my feets sure know what they gonna do about it! Feets! Do your stuff!

[ they start running in place, George has had enough of their performance]

George: [ fed up with the act ] Alright! That’s it! That’s it!

Director’s Voice: Cut! Cut! That was fantastic! Cut!

[ end black-and-white film production, actors now in real-time ]

George: [appalled by the performance from Reggie and Actor #1] Do you know anybody who speaks like that, Reggie?!

Reggie: [ meekly ] Uh.. no. not really..

George: And the rest of this stuff is stereotypes! We shouldn’t be perpetrating these stereotypes! It’s 1935!

Actor #1: Well, I need this job. I have 36 children to feed.

George: Well, that’s another stereotype! But, we’ll deal with that later! We cannot do this script as written!

Director: Uh, maybe you’re right, George. Take five while we figure this out, okay? [ to Assistant ] Tell ’em to take five!

Assistant: Take five, everybody! [Assistant and Director leave]

George: We should just quit right now!

Actor #2: Quit?! They told me that, if I did good in this movie, they’d have a part for me shining Clark Gable’s shoes!

George: In which movie?

Actor #2: No movie! He just leaves his shoes outside his trailer!

George: Guys, just forget it!

[ Ivy brings herself closer to the guys ]

Ivy: Guys, maybe George has a point!

[ the guys are all excited ]

Guys: Ivy!!

Ivy: We’ve taken this kind of treatment for too long! The only way we’re ever going to be treated as equals, is if we stand together and say, “No more!”

George: Ivy’s right! Who’s with me?!

Reggie: Well.. I am!

Actor #1: And I am.

Actor #2: And I am!

Ivy: And.. I am!

George: [ putting his foot down ] No women.

[ Sharpton and the cast members end the scene to address the audience directly ]

Rev. Al Sharpton: We all had a little fun, with this jokey little skit – but, you know what? There’s still a lot of work to do to end racism!

Maya Rudolph: And sexism.

Rev. Al Sharpton: [ dismissively ] Okay, we getcha. [ to the audience ] But I wish you would think about what you’ve just seen. Not just the watermelon or the fried chicken part —

Tracy Morgan: — And how all blacks only smoke Newports, eat barbecued potato chips, and drink grape Kool-Aid.

Al Sharpton: We never mentioned that.

Tracy Morgan: Oh, I’m sorry.

Al Sharpton: Luckily, we’ve come a long way since those old, bad days. Meanwhile — [a stagehand hands Sharpton a tribal mask and a spear while another stagehand wheels out a cauldron with Will Forte, dressed as a British game hunter, inside of it] — wait ’til you see this next sketch.

Tracy Morgan: [ excited ] It’s hi-lar-i-ous! [ laughs uproariously while Sharpton looks at the props in horror]

[ scene fades ]

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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