Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 29: Episode 7
Al Sharpton’s Monologue
…..Al Sharpton
Old Version of Al Sharpton…..Tracy Morgan
Al Sharpton: Thank you! Thank you very much! What a pleasure it is to be here, hosting “Saturday Night Live”. For me, it’s a wonderful opportunity – to reach out, to a broader audience. Maybe tonight, people can finally get to know.. the real Al Sharpton! President Al Sharpton! I know many of you out there think you know me! But what you are probably thinking about is the old, more flamboyant Al Sharpton. Mind you, I’m not apologizing for any of my past, but.. I think we’ve all done some things we’d like to forget. We’re just lucky our past can’t come to life, and haunt us now.
[ Old Version of Al Sharpton steps onto the stage ]
Old Version of Al Sharpton: I heard that!
Al Sharpton: Who.. are you.. supposed to be?
Old Version of Al Sharpton: I’m you, fool! The old Al Sharpton! Don’t I look good!
Al Sharpton: [ incensed ] I never looked that bad!
Old Version of Al Sharpton: Uh-uh! Think again!
Al Sharpton: Okay, you got me. That’s the way I used to dress – in the 70’s!
Old Version of Al Sharpton: What are you talking about?! You wore this suit five years ago! This is a 100% velour track suit by.. uh, hold on.. [ checks the tag on the back of the suit ] ..Lord Crumbley Brothers! You talked to Yassar Arafat in this suit!
Al Sharpton: I did not!
Old Version of Al Sharpton: Well, you should have! There would be peace in the Middle East, if you had just flashed your bling-bling!
Al Sharpton: Man, I’m trying to be president! I can’t walk around looking like that! I have to look a little more dignified!
Old Version of Al Sharpton: Look ‘atcha! Up here, on this racist television show! All dressed up like Pat Boone.. trying to appeal to people in Iowa! You used to be the touring manager for James Brown, the Godfather of Soul!
Al Sharpton: Hold on! Just because I don’t wear flashy suits and gold medallions, it doesn’t mean I still can’t get down!
Old Version of Al Sharpton: You an old man!
Al Sharpton: Not too old to do this! [ to the band ] Hit it!
[ singing ]
“I feel good!
I knew that I would!
I feel good!
I knew that I would!
Hey!
So good!
So good!
I got you!“
Woww!!
Together: [ singing ]
“I feel nice!
Like sugar and spice!
I feel nice!
Like sugar and spice!
So nice!
So nice!I got you!
Al Sharpton: Hey!
We got a great show! Tracy Morgan is here! Pink is here! So, stick around, we’ll be right back!
