Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 29: Episode 7
Al Sharptons Casa De Sushi
…..Rev. Al Sharpton
Dancers…..Maya Rudolph, Amy Poehler, Will Forte, Kenan Thompson
Harvey Fierstein…..Horatio Sanz
Rev. Al Sharpton: [à la a pirate] Ahoy, mateys! The seas look right as rain! [drops the pirate act and addresses the audience]: Hi, Im the Reverend Al Sharpton. Everyone knows I love fish: fried catfish sandwiches, grilled shrimp salad, salmon stir fry. Yum, I love me some fish – cooked fish, that is! But some goofy son-of-a beestings like to eat that stuff raw. Yes, raw. People paying top dollar for food that aint cooked. Thats why I opened up Al Sharptons Casa De Sushi.[Four dancers, two women with geisha girl hairstyles and two men with katanas (samurai swords), dressed in plain blue bathrobes come out, bobbing back and forth to the music and half-heartedly singing a parody of California by Tupac Shakur]
Dancers: [singing]“Al Sharptons Casa De SushiAl Sharptons Casa De SushiIn the cityOf SeacaucusWe dont like it (We dont like it)But well serve it to yaAnd charge ya money.”[The Dancers leave]
Rev. Al Sharpton: Thats right! [an off-screen stagehand to the left gives Sharpton a platter of sushi rolls and Sharpton gives his telescope to him]: I dont like this stuff! [throws sushi rolls in a wastebasket held by an off-screen stagehand to the right, then hands the platter back to the offscreen stagehand to the left] This stuff is nasty! But if youre a weirdo, by all means, come to my place: Al Sharptons Casa De Sushi.
Female V/O: Octopus.
Rev. Al Sharpton: Gross![cut to another plate, this time with squid on it]
Female V/O: Squid.
Rev. Al Sharpton: Yuck![cut to a final plate, this time with two eels on it]
Female V/O: Eel.
Rev. Al Sharpton: Heck, no! [cut back to full shot of Al Sharpton at the sushi restaurant] But thats just my opinion. People ask me, Al, why open a sushi restaurant? Well, presidential campaigns dont finance themselves, people.
Dancers: [singing]”Al SharptonsCasa De SushiIf you like sushiYou should come here.”[The dancers leave]
Rev. Al Sharpton: You dont believe me, then listen to this lady from Broadway, Harvey Fierstein.[enter Harvey Fierstein]
Harvey Fierstein: [in a gravelly voice] Hello, Im Harvey Fierstein. I play a fat lady in the Broadway musical Hairspray. Eat your heart out, Nell Carter!
Rev. Al Sharpton: [calmly] Be cool. Nell Carters dead.
Harvey Fierstein: [in disbelief] What?! Nell Carter died! Thats not funny! Shes a good friend of mine!
Rev. Al Sharpton: Well, Im afraid shes dead.
Harvey Fierstein: [wailing] Oh, Nell! Nell Carter died! [Sanz pulls a Chris Farley by passing out on a restaurant table and breaking it]
Rev. Al Sharpton: Harvey Frankenstein, you dummy! You justyou better pay for my table. Okay, lets just sing the song and get on out of here.[The Dancers return for their finale]
Dancers: [singing]”Al Sharptons Casa De SushiIn the cityOf SeacaucusWe dont like it (We dont like it)But we will serve itAnd charge you money.”
Rev. Al Sharpton: What they said.
Announcer V/O: The Reverend Al Sharptons Casa De Sushi. Route 14 in Seacaucus, New Jersey. We dont like sushi, but we will serve it and charge you money.[fade out]
Submitted by: Candy Young