Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 29: Episode 7
A Message From the President of NBC Entertainment
Jeff Zucker…..Jimmy Fallon
[ display animated NBC logo ]
Announcer: and now, a message from the President of NBC Entertainment – Jeff Zucker.[ dissolve to Jeff Zucker at desk, who waves his arms frantically throughout the sketch ]
Jeff Zucker: Good evening, America. I’m NBC Entertainement President, Jeff Zucker. When I heard that Rev. Al Sharpton was available to host “Saturday Night Live”, I was very excited. He’s a charismatic figure, and a New York institution. And I knew his hosting tonights show would get millions of African-Americans to tune into NBC for the first time. But it was only after I gave Lorne Michaels the go-ahead for Al Sharpton, that I found out about the Equal-Time laws that applied in presidential campaigns. You see, for every minute that Rev. Sharpton appears on the show tonight, we’re obliged to give each of the other eight candidates an equal amount of time on NBC. But we’ve made a negative into a positive, and done what we do best here at NBC – tuen lemons into television programming!
You’ll be blown away by this week’s “Law & Order: Special Victim’s Unit: When a convicted sex offender escapes from prison, and heads to Manhatten, to look up his former victim, Detective Benson finds herself held hostage by a sadistic monster – played by special guest, Sen. John Kerry!
Then, gather the whole family ’round the TV, for the Joe Lieberman special: “Hanukkah in Connecticut”![ promo photo is displayed ]
Only on NBC, Wednesday, December 17th, at 1:45 a.m.
Uh-oh, everybody! Whoopi’s cousin from Chicago is in town, and – oh, snap! – she is a handful! Look for Ambassador Carol Moseley Braun, on three consecutive sets of “Whoopi”![ promo photo is displayed ]
And, talk about surprise twist – who will Melana pick, when Congressman Dennis Kucinich becomes a surprise contestant on the season finale of “Average Joe”?[ promo photo is displayed ]
Retired Gen. Wesley Clark says he’s the best choice to lead our military. But, will that still be true when Carson and Kyle are done with him?[ promo photo of “Queer Eye For the Straight Guy” is displayed ]
Who knows? Who.. knows?
And, look what’s coming in daytime – make contact with your loved ones on: “Crossing Over”, with John Edward and John Edwards![ “Friends” theme pots up ]
Does that sound familiar to you? I can’t go into too much detail here, but all of America will be tuning in to see this Spring, if Rachel ends up with Ross, or.. Congressman Dick Gephardt![ promo photo is displayed ]
Hey, America! Would you eat a camel rectum? Well, Howard Dean will! This monday, on “Fear Factor”! At 8 p.m., 7 Central.[ promo photo is displayed ]
It’s all part of NBC’s Equal-Time TV. Each and every Democratic candidate will get their legally-protected chance to say: “Live, from New York, it’s Saturday Night!!!“