SNL Transcripts: Elijah Wood: 12/13/03: Boys Choir


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 29: Episode 8

03h: Elijah Wood / Jet

Boys Choir

Choir Teacher…..Kenan Thompson
Bobby…..Jimmy Fallon
Todd…..Elijah Wood
Tony…..Will Forte

Choir: Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one horse open sleigh, giddy up!

Choir Teacher: Thank you, thank you. And welcome to the St. Paul’s boys choir annual holiday concert. First off, I would like to introduce our very talented young soloist, please welcome high soprano Tony Manville. Next is acccomplised contralto Bobby Kitchal. And last but not least, colorator soprano Dodd Todd Bookareally. Now in this next number we’re going to take a break for a moment of holiday music and give you something a bit more contemporary, hope you enjoy!

Bobby: I see your true colors shining through

Todd: I see your true colors and that’s why I la-ove you

Tony: so don’t be afraid to let them show

Choir: your true colors, your true colors, are beautiful..

Todd: like the rainbow!!

Choir: see your true colors..

Bobby: You’re not that great y’know?

Todd: What did you say, Lord of the Dorks?

Bobby: You don’t sing that high, so lose the smirk, Captain Kirk.

Todd: If I’m Captain Kirk than your Captain Jerk, so back-off, jack-off.

Choir Teacher: Ahh, boys we can’t sing if we’re talking.

Bobby & Todd: Sorry.

Choir Teacher: Now, our next number is a well known holiday favorite, so, sing along if you’d like.

Choir: Ooo-ooo. Ooo-ooo.

Bobby: Silent night,

Todd: Holy night..

Tony: Hey guys, I think somebody better call animal control.

Bobby & Todd: Huh?

Tony: Because when I sing, it’s so high that every stray dog in the state is going to be in the lobby of this auditorium. This is what they call doing the dog whistle, check this out.

Sleep in heavenly peee-eace, sleep in heavenly pe-yaaaace.

It’s so hard to be this young and this good!

Bobby: Suck my vocal cord Manville.

Todd: What’s the matter Kitchal, afraid of a little competition?

Bobby: Not in your life, I know I’m the best, please.

Todd: You, the best? Do you know how much tang I get because of this voice?

Tony: Gross!!

Todd: I’m talking about actual tang, the breakfast drink.

Tony: I know.

Bobby: Well, thanks to my voice, I get all the tang I want. And I’m talking about the Poon vari-tey.

Todd: Well, I’m the best.

Bobby: I’m the best.

Tony: I am.

Choir Teacher: Boys, boys! Why don’t we settle this once and for all with a musical challenge.

Tony: Sounds fair to me.

Todd: I’m there.

Bobby: 3 words, bri-ing it.

Choir Teacher: Let’s start with some scales. Tony!

Tony: Do-re-me-fa-sol-la-te-do-me-ra-ne-ta! Yes, taste it!

Bobby: Do-re-me-fa-sol-la-te-do-tre-da-ne-la-le. Me cool, you not!

Todd: Hold that for me champ.

Do-re-me-fa-sol-la-te-do-me-re-wa-me-le-ma-le ma-sol!!

Choir Teacher: I think we have a winner, Todd, you are the best!

Tony: This blows.

Bobby: It isn’t fair.

Todd: You know what isn’t fair? That I even have to, you guys are way to old to be in this choir. Tony, you’re got to be like in your 20’s.

Tony: Really, I, I, don’t, ah, keep track.

Todd: And Bobby, you failed 8th grade like 7 times.

Bobby: It’s not because I want to keep singing it’s cause I’m stupid.

Todd: I hate you.

Tony: Shut up!

Bobby: Yeah!

Todd: No, you shut-up! Oh my god! What’s happening?!

Bobby: His voice is changing.

Todd: Somebody help me!

Ooooh! Thanks guys! I guess we vocal freaks should stick together. Let’s sing.

Just hear those sleigh bells jingling
Ring ting tingling too.
Come on, it’s lovely weather
For a sleigh ride together with you!

[ fade ]

Submitted by Jess W.

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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