SNL Transcripts: Jennifer Aniston: 01/10/04: Country Roses


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 29: Episode 9

03i: Jennifer Aniston / Black Eyed Peas

Country Roses

Voiceover…..Chris Parnell
Lynn Anderson…..Amy Poehler
Phoebe Lynn Shackelford…..Amy Poehler
Earline Oliver…..Amy Poehler
Jeannie C. Riley…..Rachel Dratch
Joyce Ann Smittle…..Rachel Dratch
Donna Fargo…..Maya Rudolph
Pam Smidley…..Maya Rudolph
Dana Jean Harley…..Jennifer Aniston

V/O: Remember when country was almost cool? Well, CMT Records is proud to present “Country Roses”-a four-disc collection featuring some of the greatest female vocalists ever to stand in front of wood paneling and sing. You’ll get artists like Lynn Anderson…

[On Bottom of Screen: “Rose Garden” Lynn Anderson]

Lynn Anderson: (singing) I beg your pardon. I never promised you a rose garden…

V/O: Jeannie C. Riley…

[On Bottom of Screen: “Harper Valley P.T.A” Jeannie C. Riley]

Jeannie C. Riley: (singing) The day my mama socked it to the Harper Valley P.T.A….

V/O: Donna Fargo…

[On Bottom of Screen: “The Happiest Girl in the Whole USA” Donna Fargo]

Donna Fargo: (singing) I’m the happiest girl in the whole USA…

V/O: And the late, great Dana Jean Harley…

[On Bottom of Screen: “Rumors” Dana Jean Harley]

Dana Jean Harley: (singing) I’ve been hearing all around town that you’ve been lovin’ my man. Well I’ll crack your jaw with a baseball bat, throw you in a garbage can….

V/O: Phoebe Lynn Shackelford…

[On Bottom of Screen: “Sweet Corn Memories” Phoebe Lynn Shackelford]

Phoebe Lynn: (singing) Sweet, sweet memories of my mama boiling corn…

V/O: Joyce Ann Smittle…

[On Bottom of Screen: “Snowflakes” Joyce Ann Smittle]

Joyce Ann Smittle: (talk-singing) She said “Mama, why are there snowflakes?” and I said, “Crystal, because of you…”

V/O: And Dana Jean Harley…

[On Bottom of Screen: “Cleaning House” Dana Jean Harley]

Dana Jean Harley: (singing) When I told my husband to take out the trash, I sure as hell didn’t mean you. So pull up your panties and get out of my kitchen before you wake up my kids…

V/O: Earline Oliver…

[On Bottom of Screen: “Ain’t Nothin’ Cuter” Earline Oliver]

Earline Oliver: (singing) Ain’t nothing cuter than a fat country baby eatin’ peaches off a hard wood floor…

V/O: And Dana Jean Harley…

[On Bottom of Screen: “25 Times” Dana Jean Harley]

Dana Jean Harley: (singing) If I told you once, I told you twenty-five times get your hands off my husband’s.. (drops microphone before we hear her say “Penis”, picks up microphone again, speaking) I’m talking to you Pam Smidley!

V/O: Pam Smidley….

[On Bottom of Screen: “I’m The Other Woman (Runnin’)” Pam Smidley]

Pam Smidley: (singing) I’m runnin’, runnin’ from an angry woman. Runnin’ from Dana Jean Harley…

V/O: A rare duet between Pam Smidley and Dana Jean Harley…

[On Bottom of Screen: “Here We Go Again (A-B-O-R…)” Pam Smidley, Dana Jean Harley]

Pam and Dana: (singing) I guess I’ll have another A-B-O-R-T-I-O-N

V/O: “Country Roses”…order now! Due to graphic content, Country Roses will not be sold to minors or miners.


Submitted by: Erin

SNL Transcripts

How useful was this post?

Click on a star to rate it!

Average rating 5 / 5. Vote count: 1

No votes so far! Be the first to rate this post.

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

Notify of
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x