SNL Transcripts: Jessica Simpson & Nick Lachey: 01/17/04



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 29: Episode 10


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Air Date:

Host:



Musical Guest:

Special Guests:


January 17th, 2004

Jessica Simpson

Nick Lachey

G-Unit

Joe
Howard Dean HeadquartersSummary: Howard Dean (Jeff Richards) calls the Iowa county chairman looking for support.

Recurring Characters: Howard Dean.

Note: Jeff Richards ignored direction for this sketch (indicative of the technical gaffes), which gave one more reason for the producers to fire him after this episode.

Note: Chris Parnell contributed $500.00 to Howard Dean’s campaign, much like his character does in thisa sketch.

Transcript

Montage

Jessica Simpson & Nick Lachey’s MonologueSummary: Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey pay tribute to the variety shows of the 70’s.

Bio: Pop stars Jessica Simpson (1980-) and former 98 Degrees member Nick Lachey (1973-) married in 2002 and debuted their reality show, “Newlyweds” on M-TV one year later.

Recurring Characters: Tina Turner

Note: Nick had to share Jessica’s microphone when his failed to work.

Tylenol ExtremeSummary: The extreme medicine used to stop extreme crotch pain caused by extreme sporting events.

Z-105 Morning CrewSummary: Jessica Simpson is too dumb to realize Joey Mac’s (Jimmy Fallon) is doing a phoney Nick Lachey voice in front of the couple.

Recurring Characters: Joey Mack.

El Cantador Mexican RestaurantSummary: El Cantador’s wait staff (Nick Lachey, Jessica Simpson) sing for a troubled couple (Amy Poehler, Seth Meyers).

Transcript

American IdolSummary: Famous singers are criticized by Simon Cowell (Chris Parnell).

Recurring Characters: Simon Cowell, Britney Spears, Madonna, Jennifer Lopez.

M-TV FutureSummary: “Newlyweds” Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey’s Golden Anniversary season is previewed.

Transcript

American Beef CouncilSummary: Paris Hilton (Jessica Simpson) and Nicole Richie (Rachel Dratch) speak out for Mad Cow Disease.

Recurring Characters: Paris Hilton, Nicole Richie.

Transcript

G-Unit performs “Stunt 101”Bio: G-Unit (short for Gorilla Unit, as it appears on clothing) is a rap group started by 50 Cent with members Lloyd Banks, Tony Yayo and Young Buck.

Weekend Update with Jimmy Fallon & Tina FeySummary: Amidst his child molestation trial, a cheery Michael Jackson visits the news desk. Donald Trump (Darrell Hammond) comments on his new show “The Apprenctice.” Jimmy Fallon fails to catch various guitars thrown at him. Tina Fey displays recent celebrity political endorsements. Patrick (Fred Armisen) and Gunther Kelly (Will Forte) sing the appeals court song.

Recurring Characters: Michael Jackson, Donald Trump, Patrick Kelly, Gunther Kelly.

Transcript

The Sharon Osborne ShowSummary: Sharon Osborne (Amy Poehler) interviews celebrity couple Dave Navarro (Nick Lachey) and Carmen Electra (Jessica Simpson).

Recurring Characters: Sharon Osborne, Ozzy Osborne.

Victoria’s SecretsSummary: Crotchety old lady (Maya Rudolph) shops for a new pair of panties with her grandson (Kenan Thompson).

Transcript

Northern California Nutgrowers AssociationSummary: Bubba Sparxxx (Horatio Sanz) sings dirty ditties for a new commercial jingle.

Note: Cut from last week’s dress rehearsal; Jessica Simpson’s role was played by Jennifer Aniston.

G-Unit and Joe perform “Wanna Get To Know You”

DynaCorpSummary: Jessica Simpson is baffled once more by polar-opposite canned food items.

Transcript

GoodnightsTranscript

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