SNL Transcripts: Megan Mullally: 02/07/04: Megan Mullally’s Monologue


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 29: Episode 11

03k: Megan Mullally / Clay Aiken

Megan Mullally’s Monologue

…..Megan Mullally
Chorus…..Clay Aiken, Will Forte, Darrell Hammond, Seth Meyers, Jimmy Fallon,
Kenan Thompson, Chris Parnell, Horatio Sanz, Finesse Mitchell, Fred Armisen

Don Pardo: Ladies and gentlemen – Megan Mullally!

Megan Mullally: Thank you! Thank you so much! Thank you! Hey! Here I am, hosting Saturday Night Live, wow! Now, um, some of you, Thank you, some of you might know me as Karen Walker, the part I play on Will & Grace? (shrugs) I don’t know. Yeah, Karen is such a crazy character and I really love playing her, but I think tonight you’re gonna see a whole other side of Megan Mullally, okay? The one that’s not always surrounded by gay men. I am so much more than that.

(music begins, guys run out)

Chorus: (singing): “She’s so much more than that!”

Megan Mullally:: Oh, look, an all-male chorus.
“I got the goods, I got the stuff, I can sing and I can dance.”

Chorus: “Well, is that enough?”

Megan: “Hey, I can croon and do soft-shoe. Watch me go fellas!”

Chorus: “Is that all you can do?”

Megan: “I can wail and I can prance.”

Chorus: “So what you’re saying is you just sing and dance?”

Megan: Just sing and dance? Oh, okay, get up here. C’mon, c’mon, c’mon. What about a little something like this? I call this dance move the Frosty Sausage. (shivers and hits her butt)Frosty. Sausage. Yeah?

Chorus: Annnnddd?

Megan: And I call this little gem the Sugarfoot to China. (shimmies/crawls backward on all fours) Oh yeah, okay? That’s what I’m sayin! Uh-huh!

Chorus: Annnnnddd?

Megan: I call this old chestnut Jiggle Number 53. (shimmies in each guy’s face, ending by shaking her boobs at Jimmy) Oh yeah, ooh, oh, grab, hey, ooh, ah, ooh, oh, hey, check it out, ooh, check it out, uh-huh, uh-huh.

Jimmy: Not feeling it, what else ya got?

Megan: Well fellas, I guess I’m gonna have to give it to you straight.

Chorus: “Please don’t give it to us straight!”

Megan: “Too late! I can knit like a mother!”

Chorus: “But can you crochet?”

Megan: “I can faux-finish a desk.”

Chorus: “That’s only class-A.”

Megan: “I can marry any man I want.”

Chorus: “So can we, as long as it’s in the state of Vermont!”

Will: “Or Massachusetts!”

Other Guys: (screaming and clapping) Massachusetts!!!!

Megan: (in her Karen voice) Honey, there is just no pleasing you (“homos” is censored out)!

Kenan: It is her! That girl from our favorite show!

Chris: You are so fantastic!

Megan: That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you.

Chorus: “And she don’t mind confessing:”

Megan: “My boobs are much bigger than Debra Messing’s!”

Chorus: “And just let her say that:”

Megan: “When I’m in doubt, I just stone-cold gay it.”

Chorus: “And don’t mind her sharin’.”

Megan: “Forget Will & Grace, call it Jack & Karen! And I’m so much.”

Chorus: “She’s so much.”

Megan: “I’m so much.”

Clay: (sliding onto the stage) “She’s so much!”

Megan: Well. Well, well, well. Hmm. Uh-huh. You sing it Ruben Studdard. (Clay looks surprised and leaves)

Megan and Chorus: More. Than. That!

Chorus: (repeating, in the background as they lift Megan) “She’s so much, so much more than that…”

Megan: We have a great show, Clay Aiken is here! So, stick around, we’ll be right back!

Submitted by: Jana

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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