Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 29: Episode 11
Oprah’s Favorite Things
Oprah Winfrey…..Maya Rudolph
Woman #1…..Rachel Dratch
Woman #2…..Amy Poehler
Woman #3…..Meagn Mullally
Woman #4…..Tina Fey
Oprah Winfrey: You people came here on a really good day.[Audience claps]
Oprah Winfrey: Everyone knows it’s my BIRTH-DAY!! [Oprah starts dancing] It’s my birthday, It’s my birthday! I’m turning 50 y’all, and you know, I love presents. Nice presents.
Oprah Winfrey: Do you love nice presents? Do you?![audience gets more excited]
Oprah Winfrey: Love…nice…presents!![Woman #3 and Woman #4 start screaming]
Oprah Winfrey: You are about to receive everything on my…BIRTHDAY LIST!![audience stands up and cheers hysterically]
Oprah Winfrey: Get ready for Oprah’s Favorite Things: Birthday E-DI-TION!!![SUPER: “Oprah’s Favorite Things”]
Oprah Winfrey [v/o]: It’s Oprah’s Favorite Things: Birthday Edition
Oprah Winfrey: You ladies are going to love this. First up, on Oprah’s Favorite Things, my favorite to die for cashmere sweater set by Ralph LAUREN!!
Oprah Winfrey: Now these, these are the absolute best. Julia Roberts told me about these, she is a big turkey lover. And, Julia Roberts told me that nobody does turkeys like…Green Hour smoked turkeys!![Woman # 3 starts kicking high and then faints, another woman is carried out by paramedics] [Woman #1 and Woman # 2 fight over turkey]
Oprah Winfrey [v/o]: It’s just like Oprah’s Favorite Things, only more exciting.
Oprah Winfrey: I wore these on John Travolta’s plane – UGG BOO-OO-OOTS!![Woman #1 throws chair into wall, gunshot goes off, Woman # 4 starts to wet her pants]
Oprah Winfrey: And, these are the best macaroons Salma Hayek and I had put in our mouths, ever. C & B macaroons!![audience still cheering hysterically. Woman # 2 and Woman # 3 kiss] [Woman # 3 pulls arm off of Woman #1] [Woman # 4 is sitting monkey style, tearing into turkey] [As a producer approaches with plate of macaroons, a random woman runs down the aisle and tosses the plate into the air, as producer falls down]
Oprah Winfrey: An-nd, the most expensive ever given away on Oprah’s Favorite Things – A DVD handy cam valued at over $900!!!
Oprah Winfrey [v/o]: It’s what you’ve all been waiting for – Oprah’s Favorite Things: Birthday Edition. I’m turning 50, y’all. Monday, on “Oprah.”[audience starts to crowd and cheer Oprah] [SUPER: “Oprah’s Favorite Things”] [fade out]
Submitted by: Chris Fuentes