SNL Transcripts: Megan Mullally: 02/07/04: Oprah’s Favorite Things

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 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 29: Episode 11




03k: Megan Mullally / Clay Aiken

Oprah’s Favorite Things

Oprah Winfrey…..Maya Rudolph
Woman #1…..Rachel Dratch
Woman #2…..Amy Poehler
Woman #3…..Meagn Mullally
Woman #4…..Tina Fey

Oprah Winfrey: You people came here on a really good day.

[Audience claps]

Oprah Winfrey: Everyone knows it’s my BIRTH-DAY!! [Oprah starts dancing] It’s my birthday, It’s my birthday! I’m turning 50 y’all, and you know, I love presents. Nice presents.

[audience is excited]

Oprah Winfrey: Do you love nice presents? Do you?!

[audience gets more excited]

Oprah Winfrey: Love…nice…presents!!

[Woman #3 and Woman #4 start screaming]

Oprah Winfrey: You are about to receive everything on my…BIRTHDAY LIST!!

[audience stands up and cheers hysterically]

Oprah Winfrey: Get ready for Oprah’s Favorite Things: Birthday E-DI-TION!!!

[SUPER: “Oprah’s Favorite Things”]

Oprah Winfrey [v/o]: It’s Oprah’s Favorite Things: Birthday Edition

Oprah Winfrey: You ladies are going to love this. First up, on Oprah’s Favorite Things, my favorite to die for cashmere sweater set by Ralph LAUREN!!

[Bags are handed out, Woman #2 starts crying]

Oprah Winfrey: Now these, these are the absolute best. Julia Roberts told me about these, she is a big turkey lover. And, Julia Roberts told me that nobody does turkeys like…Green Hour smoked turkeys!!

[Woman # 3 starts kicking high and then faints, another woman is carried out by paramedics] [Woman #1 and Woman # 2 fight over turkey]

Oprah Winfrey [v/o]: It’s just like Oprah’s Favorite Things, only more exciting.

Oprah Winfrey: I wore these on John Travolta’s plane – UGG BOO-OO-OOTS!!

[Woman #1 throws chair into wall, gunshot goes off, Woman # 4 starts to wet her pants]

Oprah Winfrey: And, these are the best macaroons Salma Hayek and I had put in our mouths, ever. C & B macaroons!!

[audience still cheering hysterically. Woman # 2 and Woman # 3 kiss] [Woman # 3 pulls arm off of Woman #1] [Woman # 4 is sitting monkey style, tearing into turkey] [As a producer approaches with plate of macaroons, a random woman runs down the aisle and tosses the plate into the air, as producer falls down]

Oprah Winfrey: An-nd, the most expensive ever given away on Oprah’s Favorite Things – A DVD handy cam valued at over $900!!!

[audience still cheering hysterically, Woman # 2 head explodes into the air, from excitement] [pregnant woman is on floor going in labor] [scenes of bulls running, a house collapsing, and an atomic bomb going off, are shown] [Woman #1 is humping Woman # 4]

Oprah Winfrey [v/o]: It’s what you’ve all been waiting for – Oprah’s Favorite Things: Birthday Edition. I’m turning 50, y’all. Monday, on “Oprah.”

[audience starts to crowd and cheer Oprah] [SUPER: “Oprah’s Favorite Things”] [fade out]

Submitted by: Chris Fuentes

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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