Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 29: Episode 12
Al Gore…..Darrell Hammond
Tipper Gore…..Amy Poehler
Sen. John Kerry…..Srth Meyers
[ open on Al Gore talking on the phone, alone in his kitcen ]
Al Gore: Okay. Goodbye to you, then. [ hangs up phone ]
Tipper Gore: Al. Honey. Aren’t you coming to bed?
Al Gore: I’ll be right there. It’s just, the Democratic Party needs Al Gore. I’m trying otm ake the world a better place!
Tipper Gore: Come to bed.
Al Gore: Okay, Tipper, I got one more call to make tonight.[ Tipper exits ]
Al Gore: [ dials phone, clears throat ] Hello? Hello! This is Al Gore.[ cut to Sen. John Kerry on the other end of the phone ]
Sen. John Kerry: Hello, Al.
Al Gore: I.. I wanted ot be the first to say congratulations, Senator Kerry.
Sen. John Kerry: Well, thank you, Al. Of course, it’s not over yet.
Al Gore: I know. I heard you had an affair.
Sen. John Kerry: I have already categorically denied that.
Al Gore: Don’t worry, it doesn’t matter! I was on the ticket with an honest-to-God pervert, and he mopped up George, Sr.! I mean, I think you’re the man! At first, you know, I supported Howard Deam.
Sen. John Kerry: Yes. I know. I want to thank you for that, Al!
Al Gore: I don’t think Dean would’ve gotten as far as he did, without my support.
Sen. John Kerry: Al, he hasn’t won a single state.
Al Gore: Well, I’m done supporting him! I tried to support Clark but he wouldn’t talk to me. Then, I.. expressed interest in supporting Edwards. But he tried to sue me! And Lieberman took a poke.. at.. me.
Sen. John Kerry: Well.. you had that one coming to you, Al.
Al Gore: [ changing subject ] Anyway.. I think the entire world would like to know, who I’m going to support now?
Sen. John Kerry: Well, I’ll tell you what I think, Al: I think you’re delusional.
Al Gore: Well, the wait is over. I.. decided.. to support.. youuuuu!!
Sen. John Kerry: Gosh, Al, I-I really wish you wouldn’t do that. You know, I think I’ve got a real chance here.
Al Gore: I’ve got some very big ideas. Let’s invest in health care, education! Let’s preserve the environment! We can make this country stronger! And richer! I am.. ex-cit-ed.
Sen. John Kerry: Well, Al.. they’re all good ideas, they.. they just don’t sound good coming out of you!
Al Gore: That’s because you haven’t heard my new style.
Sen. John Kerry: People have been talking about your new style, Al, and.. I’m not sure it’s the right move.
Al Gore: Listen. I’ve got a new throat thing going. [ demonstrates ] Our president BETRAYED our trust!! He LIED to us!! I’m Al GORE!! My hatred for him GROWS!! [ softens his tone ] ..and grooooows. I can turn it on and off, it’s easy. You should try it!
Sen. John Kerry: Yeah. I probably won’t try that, Al.
Al Gore: You just wait ’til I’m at the convention. I’m gonna be a big ol’ hit at the convention.
Sen. John Kerry: Yeah.. the convention.. [ lying ] It’s in, uh, Salt Lake City gthis year, Al. I’ll see you there!
Al Gore: I thought it was in Boston..?
Sen. John Kerry: Yeah, I guess they moved it! Now it’s out in Salt Lake! I can’t wait to see you in Salt Lake City, Al!
Al Gore: Hey, wha- what..? What’s this I hear about you needing a Vice-President?
Sen. John Kerry: Gotta run, Al!
Al Gore: No, no, I-I don’t know if you remember this, but.. I’ve been a Vice-President —
Sen. John Kerry: Oh, you know what? I’m driving into a tunnel, Al! I’m onmy cell phone! [ faking ] Crackle.. crackle.. Gotta go! I’m breaking up! Crackle..
Al Gore: Remember the throat yell, it’s real —[ Kerry has hung up, Gore is stuck with the dial tone ] [ Tipper re-enters the kitchen ]
Tipper Gore: Al. you said you were coming to bed.
Al Gore: John Kerry is so excited about my support! [ pretends he’s still speaking with Kerry ] I’ve gotta go now, John! Bye! [ hangs up the phone ] I think I’ll make a big announcement tomorrow, Tipper. I think the world will want to know, and they’ll be listening..
Tipper Gore: That’s nice, Al. You come upstairs, okay? I’ve got your pajamas all laid out.[ Tipper exits ]
Al Gore: I just wanted to say, that.. “Live! From New York! It’s Saturday Night!“