SNL Transcripts: Drew Barrymore: 02/14/04: Prince Show

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 29: Episode 12

03l: Drew Barrymore / Kelis

Prince Show

Prince…..Fred Armisen
Beyonce…..Maya Rudolph
Pink…..Drew Barrymore
George Clinton….Kenan Thompson

[Open to a stage with a purple-lighted background and fog, “Prince Show” title showing. Prince steps out in a purple suit, guitar slung behind him, arms raised. He walks towards the microphone, slowly lowering his arms.]

Prince: [echo] Dearly Beloved… We are gathered here to get through this thing called… [raises and lowers his arms again] my talk show. So dig, if you will, my co-host… Miss Beyonce Knowles!

[Grabs his guitar and begins playing the opening theme] [Beyonce struts out in a pink dress]

Beyonce: Whoo!

[Sways seductively back and forth]

Beyonce: [sings] Prince Shoooow!

Prince: [sings] Everybody wants to be free…

Beyonce: [sings] It’s Prince Shoooooow!

Prince: [sings in falsetto] In the back of my limosine!

Beyonce: [steps to the other side of Prince, singing] It’s Prince’s own shoooooow!

Prince: [sings in falsetto] Come and take a ride with me…

Both: [singing] Join me under the waterfall and climb the rainbow tree!

Prince: Yeah!

Beyonce: It’s the Prince Show, ya’ll!

[Prince whispers in Beyonce’s ear]

Beyonce: Prince wants everyone to relax and enjoy his show.

[Prince whispers in her ear again, afterwards slyly smoothing his hair]

Beyonce: He’s really excited about it, but not sure how long he wants to stay.

[“Prince Show” title shows with a dove flying]

Female Announcer: It’s the Prince Talk Show, with co-host, Beyonce Knowles.

[Both sit on the same seat, with lighted candles all around them]

Prince: Thank you. My first guest is a magical diva. Please welcome… Pink.

[Pink runs out wearing a punk, black outfit, ecstatic]

Pink: Heeey, ya’ll! Let’s get this party started! Rock and roll! This is like a dream!

[She sits on a lush, white sofa] [Prince quickly whispers to Beyonce]

Beyonce: Pink, I have a message for you from Prince. Please don’t make any direct eye contact with him.

Pink: Yo, I’m sorry, that’s just the street in me!

Prince: So Pink, I wonder… What makes you mad?

Pink: Posers, fakes, jerks and turds. Oh yeah… and those people who illegally download music from the internet? You SUUUUUCK!

[Prince looks up at Beyonce with a “hush” finger over his mouth, shaking his head]

Beyonce: Uh… Prince wants you to calm down a little.

Pink: Yo, OK, I mean, I’m just unpredictable. I mean, I can do this…

[Sticks her tongue out to the camera with a one-handed Devil’s Horns sign]

Pink: …and I can do this…

[Stands up and does a pose, sticking her tongue out, grabbing her crotch and flashing a Devil’s Horns sign]

Pink: …you know, and if you push me real hard, I might do THIS in your face!

[Kicks at the camera]

Pink: You know, I like to make… bold statements.

[Sits down again]

Prince: Yo, Pink… Do you live a life… deluxe? [Smirks at the camera]

Pink: Yo, my life is hard-CORE deluxe! I mean, I got a lot going on, you know, with producing, and hanging out with my girlfriends, and working on my stomach muscles…

[Pink looks up and Prince suddenly disappears]

Pink: Hello! Did he just get up and walk out of here while I was talkin’?

[Beyonce raises a hand]

Beyonce: Prince needs to light some candles now.

[Camera pans to Prince holding a lighter to a candle, smirking]

Pink: …well, what’s up? I’m I through? Should I stay?

Beyonce: Prince wants you to get into the bubble bath.

Pink: Yo… that’s freaky. But I’m all about getting freaky, I mean, that’s just Pink.

Beyonce: Yeah, Prince really wants you to take a bath now and be quiet.

Pink: A’ight!

[Pink gets up and goes to the back to get into the bath tub, water splashing] [Prince returns to his seat]

Prince: My next guest is the Grandfather of Funk. Please welcome… Mr. George Clinton.

[Funky music plays and George Clinton comes out and sits, moving his dreads out from his face]

Prince: George, I wonder… What colors do you see when you turn out the lights?

George Clinton: Oh, I don’t see colors. I see planets. [starts to sing, funky music playing] Interplanetary groove, a-get on up, a-get on up. Inter-gotta-get-on-the-planetary groove, a-get on up. [falsetto] Get on UP! [music ends]

Prince: George, you are legendary. I’ve always wanted to ask you, I wonder… Would you ever wear… a cape? [slyly smooths his hair]

George Clinton: Why, I would wear a nation of capes! One on top of the other. And then I would peel each one of them back to reveal another, until I was left wearin’ nothin’ but a intergalactic, plasmatic, electromagnetic, lunar moon suit.

[Prince chuckles, amused]

Prince: I dig that. [voice suddenly goes low] Now, dig this.

[Puts a yellow stick mask over his face]

Beyonce: Uh-oh, George. Prince has put on his Wonder Mask!

[George stares, eyes wide, stunned]

Beyonce: Prince, what do you see?

[Organ starts to play]

Prince: [echo] I see Reggie, and I see Wanda! I see Simone and I see Electra. [sings, falsetto] I see Andre hiding in the snow! I see Marcus making love… I see Alexa tickling Camille with a rose. [voice low] I see Francine having sex with herself…

George Clinton: Man, well, let me take a look through that Wonder Mask!

Pink: Yo, how long I gotta stay in this bath tub? I’m straight up prunin’!

[Prince puts the mask down]

Prince: Until Pink becomes purple. I’m finished with this!

[Prince whispers in Beyonce’s ear]

Beyonce: OK.

[Beyonce gets up and vocalizes in different ranges, holding one arm out straight and a dove landing in her palm. Prince spins around doing weird arm movements.]

Beyonce: Whoo!

[Dove disappears] [Theme music starts. Prince, Beyonce, and George dance with Prince doing swift arm movements. Pink is in the background doing rock poses.]

Beyonce: [sings] Prince Shooooow!

Prince: [sings] Everybody wants to be free…

Beyonce: [sings] It’s Prince Shoooooow!

Prince: [sings in falsetto] In the back of my limosine!

Beyonce: [sings] It’s Prince’s Prince Shooooow!

Prince: [sings in falsetto] Come and take a ride with me…

Both: [singing] Join me under the waterfall… climb the rainbow tree!

Prince: YEAH!

[“Prince Show” title shows. Everyone continues dancing.] [Scene fades]

Submitted by: Tiara Cameron

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