SNL Transcripts: Drew Barrymore: 02/14/04: Prince Show


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 29: Episode 12

03l: Drew Barrymore / Kelis

Prince Show

Prince…..Fred Armisen
Beyonce…..Maya Rudolph
Pink…..Drew Barrymore
George Clinton….Kenan Thompson

[Open to a stage with a purple-lighted background and fog, “Prince Show” title showing. Prince steps out in a purple suit, guitar slung behind him, arms raised. He walks towards the microphone, slowly lowering his arms.]

Prince: [echo] Dearly Beloved… We are gathered here to get through this thing called… [raises and lowers his arms again] my talk show. So dig, if you will, my co-host… Miss Beyonce Knowles!

[Grabs his guitar and begins playing the opening theme] [Beyonce struts out in a pink dress]

Beyonce: Whoo!

[Sways seductively back and forth]

Beyonce: [sings] Prince Shoooow!

Prince: [sings] Everybody wants to be free…

Beyonce: [sings] It’s Prince Shoooooow!

Prince: [sings in falsetto] In the back of my limosine!

Beyonce: [steps to the other side of Prince, singing] It’s Prince’s own shoooooow!

Prince: [sings in falsetto] Come and take a ride with me…

Both: [singing] Join me under the waterfall and climb the rainbow tree!

Prince: Yeah!

Beyonce: It’s the Prince Show, ya’ll!

[Prince whispers in Beyonce’s ear]

Beyonce: Prince wants everyone to relax and enjoy his show.

[Prince whispers in her ear again, afterwards slyly smoothing his hair]

Beyonce: He’s really excited about it, but not sure how long he wants to stay.

[“Prince Show” title shows with a dove flying]

Female Announcer: It’s the Prince Talk Show, with co-host, Beyonce Knowles.

[Both sit on the same seat, with lighted candles all around them]

Prince: Thank you. My first guest is a magical diva. Please welcome… Pink.

[Pink runs out wearing a punk, black outfit, ecstatic]

Pink: Heeey, ya’ll! Let’s get this party started! Rock and roll! This is like a dream!

[She sits on a lush, white sofa] [Prince quickly whispers to Beyonce]

Beyonce: Pink, I have a message for you from Prince. Please don’t make any direct eye contact with him.

Pink: Yo, I’m sorry, that’s just the street in me!

Prince: So Pink, I wonder… What makes you mad?

Pink: Posers, fakes, jerks and turds. Oh yeah… and those people who illegally download music from the internet? You SUUUUUCK!

[Prince looks up at Beyonce with a “hush” finger over his mouth, shaking his head]

Beyonce: Uh… Prince wants you to calm down a little.

Pink: Yo, OK, I mean, I’m just unpredictable. I mean, I can do this…

[Sticks her tongue out to the camera with a one-handed Devil’s Horns sign]

Pink: …and I can do this…

[Stands up and does a pose, sticking her tongue out, grabbing her crotch and flashing a Devil’s Horns sign]

Pink: …you know, and if you push me real hard, I might do THIS in your face!

[Kicks at the camera]

Pink: You know, I like to make… bold statements.

[Sits down again]

Prince: Yo, Pink… Do you live a life… deluxe? [Smirks at the camera]

Pink: Yo, my life is hard-CORE deluxe! I mean, I got a lot going on, you know, with producing, and hanging out with my girlfriends, and working on my stomach muscles…

[Pink looks up and Prince suddenly disappears]

Pink: Hello! Did he just get up and walk out of here while I was talkin’?

[Beyonce raises a hand]

Beyonce: Prince needs to light some candles now.

[Camera pans to Prince holding a lighter to a candle, smirking]

Pink: …well, what’s up? I’m I through? Should I stay?

Beyonce: Prince wants you to get into the bubble bath.

Pink: Yo… that’s freaky. But I’m all about getting freaky, I mean, that’s just Pink.

Beyonce: Yeah, Prince really wants you to take a bath now and be quiet.

Pink: A’ight!

[Pink gets up and goes to the back to get into the bath tub, water splashing] [Prince returns to his seat]

Prince: My next guest is the Grandfather of Funk. Please welcome… Mr. George Clinton.

[Funky music plays and George Clinton comes out and sits, moving his dreads out from his face]

Prince: George, I wonder… What colors do you see when you turn out the lights?

George Clinton: Oh, I don’t see colors. I see planets. [starts to sing, funky music playing] Interplanetary groove, a-get on up, a-get on up. Inter-gotta-get-on-the-planetary groove, a-get on up. [falsetto] Get on UP! [music ends]

Prince: George, you are legendary. I’ve always wanted to ask you, I wonder… Would you ever wear… a cape? [slyly smooths his hair]

George Clinton: Why, I would wear a nation of capes! One on top of the other. And then I would peel each one of them back to reveal another, until I was left wearin’ nothin’ but a intergalactic, plasmatic, electromagnetic, lunar moon suit.

[Prince chuckles, amused]

Prince: I dig that. [voice suddenly goes low] Now, dig this.

[Puts a yellow stick mask over his face]

Beyonce: Uh-oh, George. Prince has put on his Wonder Mask!

[George stares, eyes wide, stunned]

Beyonce: Prince, what do you see?

[Organ starts to play]

Prince: [echo] I see Reggie, and I see Wanda! I see Simone and I see Electra. [sings, falsetto] I see Andre hiding in the snow! I see Marcus making love… I see Alexa tickling Camille with a rose. [voice low] I see Francine having sex with herself…

George Clinton: Man, well, let me take a look through that Wonder Mask!

Pink: Yo, how long I gotta stay in this bath tub? I’m straight up prunin’!

[Prince puts the mask down]

Prince: Until Pink becomes purple. I’m finished with this!

[Prince whispers in Beyonce’s ear]

Beyonce: OK.

[Beyonce gets up and vocalizes in different ranges, holding one arm out straight and a dove landing in her palm. Prince spins around doing weird arm movements.]

Beyonce: Whoo!

[Dove disappears] [Theme music starts. Prince, Beyonce, and George dance with Prince doing swift arm movements. Pink is in the background doing rock poses.]

Beyonce: [sings] Prince Shooooow!

Prince: [sings] Everybody wants to be free…

Beyonce: [sings] It’s Prince Shoooooow!

Prince: [sings in falsetto] In the back of my limosine!

Beyonce: [sings] It’s Prince’s Prince Shooooow!

Prince: [sings in falsetto] Come and take a ride with me…

Both: [singing] Join me under the waterfall… climb the rainbow tree!

Prince: YEAH!

[“Prince Show” title shows. Everyone continues dancing.] [Scene fades]

Submitted by: Tiara Cameron

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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