SNL Transcripts: Drew Barrymore: 02/14/04: The White Stripes


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 29: Episode 12

03l: Drew Barrymore / Kelis

The White Stripes

Police Officer…Kenan Thompson
Commissioner…Chris Parnell
Jack White…Jimmy Fallon
Meg White…Drew Barrymore

[Opens up to the Police Commissioner’s office]

Police Officer: Commissioner! The First National Bank is being robbed. You gotta do something! Fast!

Commissioner: Great Caesar’s ghost! The First National! Well, there’s only two people we can call.

Police Officer: You don’t mean…

Commissioner: I do!

[Reaches for telephone]

Commissioner: Get me The White Stripes!

[changes scene to The White Stripes’ home] [phone rings] [Meg picks up the phone]

Meg White: [mutters some words] Hello? Commissioner.

Jack White: What is it Meg?

Meg White: [mutters some words]

Jack White: A robbery? The First National Bank? Let’s go!

[Music: The White Stripes – Seven Nation Army (normal tempo)]

Jack White: [sings and plays guitar]“We’re gonna fight some crime,
we’re gonna go down by the robbery,
They’re gonna do some time,
cause me and Meg are the calvary.

When the commissioner and policemen call,
we gotta save the day.

As soon as we finish this song,
we’ll do it right away.

Cause whenever you’re in trouble,
you know you gotta call The White Stripes.”

[Jack plays guitar solo] [phone rings]

Jack White: Wait Meg, wait Meg. Hold on, hold on.

[picks up telephone]

Jack White: Hello?

Commissioner: The White Stripes?

Jack White: Yeah.

Commissioner: Yeah, don’t bother coming by the bank. You’re too late, the bank’s been robbed, the crooks got away.

Jack White: Oh.

Commissioner: You know, you don’t always have to sing your theme song before you go fight crime. It really ends up taking a long time.

Jack White: Sorry about that.

Meg White: [mutters in low voice to Jack] Is there anyway we can make it up?

Jack White: Great idea Meg! Hey, is there any way we can make it up to you?

Commissioner: Well, the City Museum of Art is being robbed right now, can you be there in five minutes?

Jack White: Sure we can!

[hangs up phone]

Jack White: Let’s go Meg! One, Two, Three

[Music: The White Stripes – Seven Nation Army (faster tempo)] [fades out of scene] [Newspaper title: WHITE STRIPES ROCK HARDER THAN EVER. ART MUSEUM ROBBED IN GREATEST ART THEFT IN HISTORY.]

Submitted by: CaberrorXE

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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