SNL Transcripts: Ben Affleck: 03/13/04: Only Bangkok II

Saturday Night Live Transcripts

Season 29: Episode 15

Only Bangkok II

Woman…..Amy Poehler
…..Ben Affleck

[Open on outside of hotel room where two burly men are standing in the doorway]

Woman: Let me get this straight – you’re selling me to these guys?!

Ben Affleck: What?! No-o! Nobody is selling anybody, okay? I’m.. giving you to these guys, to cover some temporary losses I’ve incurred from gambling on Russian Roulette.

Woman: You’ve been gambling on Russian Roulette?!

Ben Affleck: My guy wasn’t supposed to die! I had a system!

[the burly men drag the woman out of the room]

Woman: You’re high again!

[The woman is kicking and screaming as shes being taken away]

Ben Affleck: Alright.. I may have socially injected some Komodo dragon venom – just because everyone else is doing it.

[ the Woman is carried away by some Thai gentlemen collecting on their debt ]

Woman: Ow! Let go of me!

Ben Affleck: You’re being selfish! You don’t need both your kidneys!

Woman: This is not my idea of a honeymoon! Ben Affleck! Dammit!!

[Ben Affleck shakes his head as the woman continues screaming down the hall] [ SUPER: “What happens in Thailand, stays in Thailand” ] [ SUPER: “Only Bangkok” ]

Ben Affleck V/O: Komodo dragon venom..

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020. View all posts by Don Roy King