SNL Transcripts: Ben Affleck: 03/13/04: Only Bangkok III


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 29: Episode 15

03o: Ben Affleck / N.E.R.D.

Only Bangkok III

Businessman…..Seth Meyers
…..Ben Affleck
…..Kelly Ripa
Old Man…..Darrell Hammond

Businessman: Hey. It’s me. It, um.. it happened again. Well, this time it’s, uh.. it’s a dude. No! I didn’t kill him! The lizard killed him.. and, then, Ben Affleck killed the lizard.

[ Ben Affleck enters, dressed in drag ]

Ben Affleck: It was self-defense! That thing was making fun of me!

Businessman: Yeah. Ben Affleck. I don’t know why he’s here. He crawled in the window at 6:30 this morning, with a baby Kimodo Drago under one arm, and Kelly Ripa under the other. Yeah. From “Regis & Kelly”.

[ Kelly Ripa runs into the room, screaming ]

Kelly Ripa: We gotta cut this dead guy up, and put ihm in a bag! This is bad, man! Ba-a-ad!!

Businessman: Ripa! Chill! I will handle this! Dude.. stop judging me, and just give me that phone number again. [ a beat ] Because the number’s in my wallet, and the wallet’s in the dead dude.

[ SUPER: “What happens in Thailand, stays in Thailand” ] [ SUPER: “Only Bangkok” ] [ an Old Man knocks on the door, and enters the room ]

Businessman: He’s, um.. on the bed.

Ben Affleck: Hey, old man – you know anyone who wants to buy a suitcase full of panda meat?

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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